Top 300 T. Kingfisher Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “Slate stepped in, her face as cool and detached as a woman doing long division.”

— T. Kingfisher

252. “It is not wise to hurt the house’s feelings.”

— T. Kingfisher

253. “It was a cruel spirit that would punish starving people for what they had been forced to eat, but the spirits had never pretended to be kind.”

— T. Kingfisher

254. “Bongo is an excellent watchdog, by which I mean that he will watch very alertly as the serial killer breaks into the house and skins me.”

— T. Kingfisher

255. “It’s because you’re too much alike. What did the abbess used to say? That our own flaws infuriate us in other people?”

— T. Kingfisher

256. “Oh gods, if any of you are listening, please grant that we don’t make things worse.”

— T. Kingfisher

257. “There was a brief silence while we all tried to recover from Foxy’s metaphor.”

— T. Kingfisher

258. “The bear not only had a set of stripes sewn on his arm, it was possibly the first teddy-bear in history to have received a medal for service to the elven nation.”

— T. Kingfisher

259. “The humming noise chimed, coming closed again. Something moving behind the world, looking for us.”

— T. Kingfisher

260. “All you had were pigs and enthusiasm. It’s not your fault.”

— T. Kingfisher

261. “We had passed close in space, but separated by far too much time to make a difference.”

— T. Kingfisher

262. “Sonofabitch is patronizing me. Sonofabitch thinks I’m weak. Even Learned-bloody-Edmund is at least scared I’ll fry his genitals off.”

— T. Kingfisher

263. “There is a person in this world who feels safe in my arms. It felt like grace.”

— T. Kingfisher

264. “Then again, few humans were truly worth the love of a living dog. Some gifts you could never deserve.”

— T. Kingfisher

265. “The goats watched her suspiciously, but that did not mean anything, because goats watched everyone suspiciously.”

— T. Kingfisher

266. “Besides, what do you have to offer any woman? “I will make sure you always have warm socks,” is not a line to set anyone’s heart aglow.”

— T. Kingfisher

267. “I hope your dogs are all loyal and goofy and good-natured and that your chickens remain free of demons.”

— T. Kingfisher

268. “They always say that when you lose weight,” I said grimly. “You could be shooting heroin twice a day and if you lost weight, it’d be ‘Just keep doing whatever you’re doing!”

— T. Kingfisher

269. “Learn what you can. Use what you learn. You have not failed yet.”

— T. Kingfisher

270. “But he’s mad, completely mad, and he turns his wives into golems. He needs killing, not negotiation.”

— T. Kingfisher

271. “She made dramatic plans in the darkness and discarded them in daylight.”

— T. Kingfisher

272. “If you’re looking for a way to break the contract, I do not know. You’d need a demon or a barrister to answer that.”

— T. Kingfisher

273. “She had a strong urge to kiss him, and then perhaps beat him about the head and shoulders with his own sword.”

— T. Kingfisher

274. “Run and be free. They cannot use what they cannot find.”

— T. Kingfisher

275. “The road itself was as clear as heartbreak.”

— T. Kingfisher

276. “I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. It was all so ridiculous. Gran Mae thought she could get me about my weight? I’d come out of academia. If she wanted to tear me apart, she should have commented on my doctoral thesis.”

— T. Kingfisher

277. “Have you ever considered giving up killing people and becoming a tailor?” “Oh, yes.” “And?” “I don’t like people unless I’m stabbing them.”

— T. Kingfisher

278. “It was too quiet all evening. I ate cold pizza and drank too much wine. The box said that I should pair it with chimichurri sauce and salsa dancing. The box was going to get British murder shows and like it.”

— T. Kingfisher

279. “Her spine was curved, but in a way that gave the impression of a scimitar blade rather than old age.”

— T. Kingfisher

280. “You just didn’t bring a pitchfork to a swan fight.”

— T. Kingfisher

281. “Everyone have their souls still? Shadows still attached? Then let’s go before that changes.”

— T. Kingfisher

282. “I suspect if I had owned a border collie, this story would have a very different ending, and I probably would not have been around to type it up. But I had Bongo, and he saved our lives because he is simple and made of nose.”

— T. Kingfisher

283. “It seemed like once you agreed that the government could put you on a list because of something you were born with, you were asking for trouble.”

— T. Kingfisher

284. “Normal people flirt. I think. Apparently we just exchange terrible life stories.”

— T. Kingfisher

285. “Perhaps it was a toad. Perhaps the whole world was a toad. It was no stupider than anyone else’s cosmology. Clara would leave the order of St. Ursa and found the order of St. Toad. They would sleep a lot. Yes. Sleeping seemed like a good commandment for the order. Sleep and hot tea. Yes. She was working out the various ranks and the secondary rules for St. Toad’s worship when Galen said, “There’s smoke rising ahead. We’re nearly there.”

— T. Kingfisher

286. “Don’t ask me where the cookies get the dances they do – this batch had been doing hornpipes. The last batch did waltzes, and the one before that hade performed a decidedly lewd little number that had even made Aunt Tabitha blush. A little too much spice in those, I think.”

— T. Kingfisher

287. “God forgives a lot,” said Uncle Earl. “He has to. We all do a lot that needs forgiving.”

— T. Kingfisher

288. “I could hop into an ER carrying my severed leg and squirting blood from the stump and the doctor would congratulate me on having dropped all that leg weight and tell me to keep up the good work.”

— T. Kingfisher

289. “It’s a long drive. It’s pretty, actually, if you go through West Virginia, but of course then you’re in West Virginia.”

— T. Kingfisher

290. “Stephen told him that she had moved a second chair into the workshop so that he could knit in the same room with her, which, judging by Stephen’s reaction, was a declaration of affection unmatched in modern times.”

— T. Kingfisher

291. “You show up to basic training and they hand you a sword and a new set of pronouns.”

— T. Kingfisher

292. “Are you a witch?” asked Janna. “No,” said the old woman, “I’m a Lutheran. But we’ll make do.”

— T. Kingfisher

293. “It is a great relief, when one has thrown away normal life in search of their heart’s desire, to know that one is doing it right and isn’t going to get yelled at for going the wrong way.”

— T. Kingfisher

294. “The core of being a witch is that you don’t fall down while there’s work to be done. Sometimes that means you invent work to keep yourself standing upright.”

— T. Kingfisher

295. “He took another swallow, vaguely hoping that sobriety would lie at the bottom of the glass.”

— T. Kingfisher

296. “There were so few people who kept a sense of humor when they were miserable, you learned to appreciate it.”

— T. Kingfisher

297. “That our own flaws infuriate us in other people?”

— T. Kingfisher

298. “It is gratifying,” said Learned Edmund. “The world is often sorely unappreciative of quality indexing.”

— T. Kingfisher

299. “The town probably had a name, but Clara never learned it. It was the Place of Hot Tea and Beds, Sacred Holy Land of St. Toad.”

— T. Kingfisher

300. “It’s not good stomping along mad and forgetting to take care of yourself,” said the armadillo.”

— T. Kingfisher