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Top 200 Dana Gould Quotes (2024 Update)
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Dana Gould Quote: “I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I’ve swallowed.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?”
Dana Gould Quote: “When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I’d be their king. Time machine, where are you?”
Dana Gould Quote: “I don’t really like myself, but I’m way into me, physically.”
Dana Gould Quote: “I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it’s in the middle of another dog’s speech.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn’t less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.”
Dana Gould Quote: “The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.”
Dana Gould Quote: “I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It’s as if I’m in a big hurry to get nothing done.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.”
Dana Gould Quote: “In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let’s not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.”
Dana Gould Quote: “The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.”
Dana Gould Quote: “As anyone who’s ever adopted a dog will tell you, there’s always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door...”
Dana Gould Quote: “The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn’t that what death is for? Trust me, we’re all gonna stop aging...”
Dana Gould Quote: “I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.”
Dana Gould Quote: “That which does not kill you isn’t finished.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Dogs – putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.”
Dana Gould Quote: “The average permanent lasts about four months.”
Dana Gould Quote: “For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.”
Dana Gould Quote: “Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM’s? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!”
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