Top 100

Top 160 Dane Cook Quotes (2024 Update)

Dane Cook Quote: “Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.”
Dane Cook Quote: “You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I’m the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I’m not giving up on life. I’m giving up on today.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I’m a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.”
Dane Cook Quote: “If haters or whatever want to find you – I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.”
Dane Cook Quote: “When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I live my life like there’s no yesterday.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you just watch yourself cry but then you’re done and you’re just glowing and you’re staring at yourself.”
Dane Cook Quote: “It’s an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn’t know you exist.”
Dane Cook Quote: “If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you’ve lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.”
Dane Cook Quote: “When you delete pictures of your ex off your phone, it feels lighter.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.”
Dane Cook Quote: “There’s estrogen running through my veins!”
Dane Cook Quote: “I’m a late-night guy.”
Dane Cook Quote: “A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it’s not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it’s your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!”
Dane Cook Quote: “True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!”
Dane Cook Quote: “Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It’s not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.”
Dane Cook Quote: “There’s always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.”
Dane Cook Quote: “We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you’re headed for a breakthrough moment, it’s kind of scary because you say, ‘If I break through then I have to make great change in my life.’”
Dane Cook Quote: “I got home from work today and took like a one hundred hour nap. No you did not. You’d be very sick if you were taking one hundred hour naps. That’s a coma! If you said you took a coma after work I’d be able to follow the story.”
Dane Cook Quote: “When someone’s running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don’t like it.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I can’t do anything! I can’t even have an English muffin!”
Dane Cook Quote: “Are there glass shards in my anus?”
Dane Cook Quote: “I don’t laugh out loud at comics a lot.”
Dane Cook Quote: “My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.”
Dane Cook Quote: “When I’m wrong I’m like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he’ll turn Luke. Yet, when I’m right I’m a Jedi like my father before me.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I do think I am funny, or I wouldn’t be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I’m one of the first people there.”
Dane Cook Quote: “You are the director of your own life story. Don’t cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.”
Dane Cook Quote: “There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.”
Dane Cook Quote: “You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.”
Dane Cook Quote: “My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He’s in jail now.”
Dane Cook Quote: “When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.”
Dane Cook Quote: “Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I feel like people who don’t brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they’re hiding something more even exciting.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I don’t like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities.”
Dane Cook Quote: “My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I’m fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.”
Dane Cook Quote: “If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it’s still a negative. You’re just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.”
Dane Cook Quote: “What happens in Vegas, I’m telling everyone.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I don’t like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.”
Dane Cook Quote: “I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.”
Dane Cook Quote: “My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.”
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