Top 250 Dorothy Parker Quotes (2025 Update)
Page 2 of 6

51. “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

— Dorothy Parker

52. “On being told of the death of former President Calvin Coolidge: How could they tell?”

— Dorothy Parker

53. “Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”

— Dorothy Parker

54. “Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.”

— Dorothy Parker

55. “Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.”

— Dorothy Parker

56. “And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.”

— Dorothy Parker

57. “Los Angeles: Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.”

— Dorothy Parker

58. “But I don’t give up; I forget why not.”

— Dorothy Parker

59. “Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.”

— Dorothy Parker

60. “You think You’re frightening me with Your hell, don’t You? You think Your hell is worse than mine.”

— Dorothy Parker

61. “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”

— Dorothy Parker

62. “Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.”

— Dorothy Parker

63. “Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”

— Dorothy Parker

64. “My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He’ll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway of the morrows. He’ll live his days where the sunbeams start, Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart, – And I wish somebody’d shoot him.”

— Dorothy Parker

65. “Eternity is a ham and two people.”

— Dorothy Parker

66. “I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.”

— Dorothy Parker

67. “Age before beauty, and pearls before swine.”

— Dorothy Parker

68. “Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you.”

— Dorothy Parker

69. “Gratitude – the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world.”

— Dorothy Parker

70. “I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.”

— Dorothy Parker

71. “Q: What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can’t hear an enzyme.”

— Dorothy Parker

72. “Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you’ll live through the night.”

— Dorothy Parker

73. “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

— Dorothy Parker

74. “Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”

— Dorothy Parker

75. “She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”

— Dorothy Parker

76. “A liberal is a man who leaves the room before the fight starts.”

— Dorothy Parker

77. “Flowers are heaven’s masterpiece.”

— Dorothy Parker

78. “This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.”

— Dorothy Parker

79. “Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.”

— Dorothy Parker

80. “I am at just that interesting age where i cannot keep out of things. I, too, must be in the know; I, too, must quote and sigh and nod wisely.”

— Dorothy Parker

81. “Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad – Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.”

— Dorothy Parker

82. “Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I’ll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!”

— Dorothy Parker

83. “The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.”

— Dorothy Parker

84. “Where’s the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?”

— Dorothy Parker

85. “People are more fun than anyone.”

— Dorothy Parker

86. “What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

— Dorothy Parker

87. “Woman wants monogamy; Man delights in novelty. Love is woman’s moon and sun; Man has other forms of fun. Woman lives but in her lord; Count to ten, and man is bored. With this the gist and sum of it, What earthly good can come of it?”

— Dorothy Parker

88. “People Who Do Things exceed my endurance; God, for a man that solicits insurance!”

— Dorothy Parker

89. “Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.”

— Dorothy Parker

90. “Speech to American Horticultural Society; when challenged to use horticulture in a sentence: You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

— Dorothy Parker

91. “Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.”

— Dorothy Parker

92. “Civilization is coming to an end, you understand.”

— Dorothy Parker

93. “What is life, anyway? A death sentence. The longest distance between two points.”

— Dorothy Parker

94. “Three highballs, and I think I’m St. Francis of Assisi.”

— Dorothy Parker

95. “There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

— Dorothy Parker

96. “Some men break your heart in two, Some men fawn and flatter, Some men never look at you; And that cleans up the matter.”

— Dorothy Parker

97. “Art is a form of catharsis.”

— Dorothy Parker

98. “A girl’s best friend is her mutter.”

— Dorothy Parker

99. “London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.”

— Dorothy Parker

100. “Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.”

— Dorothy Parker