Top 200 Sarcastic Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Little things affect little minds.”

— Benjamin Disraeli

2. “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes

3. “It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”

— Voltaire

Also featured in: Morality Quotes

4. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Yearbook Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

5. “I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

— Woody Allen

Also featured in: Humor Quotes

6. “Wall Street is the only place that people drive to in a Rolls Royce to take advice from people who ride the subway.”

— Warren Buffett

Also featured in: Business Quotes, Prosperity Quotes, Quotes About Money

7. “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”

— Terry Pratchett

Also featured in: Life Quotes, Different Quotes, Witty Quotes

8. “A good friend will always stab you in the front.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Friendship Quotes, Witty Quotes

9. “Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Failure Quotes, Experience Quotes, Reflection Quotes

10. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Famous Quotes, Clever Quotes, Witty Quotes

11. “Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.”

— Jim Rohn

Also featured in: Famous Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Witty Quotes

12. “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Fiction Quotes, Universe Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

13. “A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Personality Quotes, Quotes About People, Character Quotes

14. “Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Music Quotes, Time Quotes, Creativity Quotes, Interesting Quotes

15. “Never confuse education with intelligence, you can have a PhD and still be an idiot.”

— Richard P. Feynman

Also featured in: Learning Quotes, Intelligent Quotes, Ignorance Quotes

16. “War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.”

— George Orwell

Also featured in: Freedom Quotes, Quotes About War, Government Quotes

17. “You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

Also featured in: Truth Quotes, Beautiful Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Ego Quotes

18. “Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.”

— Jeremy Clarkson

Also featured in: Quotes About Cars

19. “You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Clever Quotes, Different Quotes

20. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.”

— Will Rogers

Also featured in: Values Quotes, Quotes About Money, Clever Quotes, Quotes About People

21. “For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”

— H. L. Mencken

Also featured in: Clever Quotes

22. “Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.”

— Chanakya

Also featured in: Hard Hitting Quotes, Knowledge Quotes, Demotivational Quotes

23. “The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.”

— Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes

24. “If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Wednesday Quotes

25. “The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn’t have a space program.”

— Larry Niven

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Space Quotes

26. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”

— Jerry Seinfeld

27. “Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

— George Burns

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Quotes About Money, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes

28. “People, generally, suck.”

— Christopher Moore

Also featured in: Quotes About People, Haters Quotes, Toxic People Quotes

29. “Music is the only religion that delivers the goods.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Music Quotes, Silly Quotes, Clever Quotes

30. “I beg your pardon, I didn’t recognise you – I’ve changed a lot.”

— Oscar Wilde

31. “Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.”

— Richard Lamm

Also featured in: Business Quotes

32. “The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Witty Quotes

33. “Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Imagination Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Humor Quotes

34. “He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Also featured in: Clever Quotes, Teacher Quotes

35. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Quotes About People

36. “Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes

37. “Of course I don’t look busy, I did it right the first time.”

— Scott Adams

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Firsts Quotes, Humor Quotes

38. “Every corpse on Mount Everest was once an extremely motivated person.”

— Anonymous

Also featured in: Depressing Quotes, Demotivational Quotes

39. “Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor’s appointment.”

— Nick Offerman

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life

40. “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.”

— Marshawn Lynch

Also featured in: Athlete Quotes, Silly Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

41. “Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes, Quotes About Reality, Funny Quotes About Life

42. “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Humor Quotes

43. “I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.”

— Woody Allen

Also featured in: Witty Quotes, Solitude Quotes

44. “Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.”

— Terry Pratchett

Also featured in: Hard Hitting Quotes

45. “Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.”

— Neil Gaiman

46. “Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

— Chris Rock

Also featured in: Smart Quotes, Humor Quotes, Intelligence Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life

47. “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Yearbook Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes

48. “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

— Robert A. Heinlein

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Friday Quotes

49. “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Depression Quotes, Anger Quotes

50. “Don’t take life too seriously.”

— RuPaul

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Personality Quotes, Life Is Short Quotes, Smile Quotes