Top 40 Sarcastic Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Little things affect little minds.”

— Benjamin Disraeli

2. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”

— Jerry Seinfeld

3. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

— George Carlin

4. “Don’t take life too seriously.”

— RuPaul

5. “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Depression Quotes, Anger Quotes

6. “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”

— Mae West

Also featured in: Witty Quotes

7. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Also featured in: Relationship Quotes

8. “Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.”

— Mae West

9. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Health Quotes, Fitness Quotes

10. “History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.”

— Karl Marx

Also featured in: Philosophy Quotes

11. “My mind reels with sarcastic replies.”

— Charles M. Schulz

12. “He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.”

— George Bernard Shaw

13. “To the people I forgot, you weren’t on my mind for some reason and you probably don’t deserve any thanks anyway.”

— Eminem

14. “If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”

— Clint Eastwood

15. “Better never than late.”

— George Bernard Shaw

16. “I’m single because I was born that way.”

— Mae West

Also featured in: Witty Quotes

17. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

— Abraham Lincoln

Also featured in: Wisdom Quotes

18. “Sarcastic people tend to be marshmallows underneath the armor.”

— Stephen King

19. “I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.”

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

20. “He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style.”

— Leo Tolstoy

21. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”

— Groucho Marx

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes

22. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Time Quotes

23. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

— Winston Churchill

24. “We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.”

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

25. “I will always love the false image I had of you.”

— Ashleigh Brilliant

26. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Witty Quotes

27. “They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.”

— Clint Eastwood

Also featured in: Marriage Quotes, Heaven Quotes

28. “Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Freedom Quotes

29. “Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.”

— Mae West

30. “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.”

— Oscar Wilde

Also featured in: Marriage Quotes, Valentine's Day Quotes

31. “I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I’d rather dance with the cows until you come home.”

— Groucho Marx

32. “We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.”

— Roald Dahl

33. “Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”

— Jay Leno

Also featured in: Valentine's Day Quotes

34. “The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.”

— George Orwell

35. “The best things in life are free – and $19.95.”

— Billy Mays

36. “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Witty Quotes

37. “If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.”

— Lily Tomlin

38. “Making others happy, through kindness of speech and sincerity of right advice, is a sign of true greatness. To hurt another soul by sarcastic words, looks, or suggestions, is despicable.”

— Paramahansa Yogananda

39. “The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.”

— Frank Zappa

40. “I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.”

— Mae West

Also featured in: Real Quotes

41. “I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.”

— A.J. Sherwood

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Resilience Quotes