Top 300 Fran Lebowitz Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.”

— Fran Lebowitz

152. “To me, O’Hara is the real Fitzgerald.”

— Fran Lebowitz

153. “This idea that people have to love and understand each other is absurd. It’s not human nature.”

— Fran Lebowitz

154. “New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.”

— Fran Lebowitz

155. “If, while watching the sun set on a used-car lot in Los Angeles, you are struck by the parallels between this image and the inevitable fate of humanity, do not, under any circumstances, write it down.”

— Fran Lebowitz

156. “Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.”

— Fran Lebowitz

157. “It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.”

— Fran Lebowitz

158. “I never had a typewriter. I never had any machines.”

— Fran Lebowitz

159. “My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two-thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature, I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish.”

— Fran Lebowitz

160. “Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.”

— Fran Lebowitz

161. “What I can’t be is monogamous. That tends to upset people. I just don’t like domestic life.”

— Fran Lebowitz

162. “Whenever someone accuses someone of being a racist – which is rare, you have to admit, considering how much racism there is – there is an incredible outrage. I realized that we live in an environment that it seems to be worse to call someone a racist than to be one.”

— Fran Lebowitz

163. “I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.”

— Fran Lebowitz

164. “A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.”

— Fran Lebowitz

165. “It’s much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It’s harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.”

— Fran Lebowitz

166. “Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.”

— Fran Lebowitz

167. “Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.”

— Fran Lebowitz

168. “If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.”

— Fran Lebowitz

169. “To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.”

— Fran Lebowitz

170. “Telling someone he looks healthy isn’t a compliment – it’s a second opinion.”

— Fran Lebowitz

171. “Andy Warhol made fame more famous.”

— Fran Lebowitz

172. “I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?”

— Fran Lebowitz

173. “My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.”

— Fran Lebowitz

174. “Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.”

— Fran Lebowitz

175. “I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child,’ for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.”

— Fran Lebowitz

176. “Scientists are rarely to be counted among the fun people. Awkward at parties, shy with strangers, deficient in irony – they have had no choice but to turn their attention to the close study of everyday objects.”

— Fran Lebowitz

177. “All the time I’m not writing I feel like a criminal. It’s horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It’s much more relaxing to actually write.”

— Fran Lebowitz

178. “In Rome people spend most of their time having lunch. And they do it very well – Rome is unquestionably the lunch capital of the world.”

— Fran Lebowitz

179. “When I’m supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish unless I had to write.”

— Fran Lebowitz

180. “Raisins are a thing that lasts, they come in small boxes, and you always feel like eating raisins, even at six in the morning. A raisin is always an appropriate snack.”

— Fran Lebowitz

181. “Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things about smokers that used to be said about homosexuals – they pollute the environment; you don’t want them around your children...”

— Fran Lebowitz

182. “I don’t care if New York avoided bankruptcy by substituting tourism for the garment business.”

— Fran Lebowitz

183. “In fact, we live in a culture where intelligence, exceptional or not, is reviled.”

— Fran Lebowitz

184. “The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive – you are leaking.”

— Fran Lebowitz

185. “Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.”

— Fran Lebowitz

186. “I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word ‘don’ and it’s not someone’s first name, I close the book.”

— Fran Lebowitz

187. “Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.”

— Fran Lebowitz

188. “The second I learned to read in first grade, when I was 5, I preferred it to life. And I still do.”

— Fran Lebowitz

189. “Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.”

— Fran Lebowitz

190. “Albert Einstein didn’t care where he lived. Albert Einstein was a genius. Albert Einstein wasn’t getting lost in the master bedroom, he was lost in thought.”

— Fran Lebowitz

191. “I prefer dead writers because you don’t run into them at parties.”

— Fran Lebowitz

192. “The good thing about being in someone else’s apartment is it’s so much easier to leave than it is to get someone out.”

— Fran Lebowitz

193. “There are certain relationships I think I’m great at: I’m the world’s greatest daughter. I’m a great relative. I believe I’m a great friend.”

— Fran Lebowitz

194. “I just can’t smile at people for money.”

— Fran Lebowitz

195. “Forcing people into a situation where they’re supposed to adore each other is probably bad. But letting people get on and off the 6 train without stabbing each other, that’s good.”

— Fran Lebowitz

196. “You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.”

— Fran Lebowitz

197. “I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I’m lazier than most. I don’t want to brag, but I’m the laziest person I have ever known.”

— Fran Lebowitz

198. “Writing is so hard. Why would you be a writer if you weren’t really good at it? If you could be anything else, why would you be a writer?”

— Fran Lebowitz

199. “Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.”

— Fran Lebowitz

200. “There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter.”

— Fran Lebowitz