Top 300 Fran Lebowitz Quotes (2025 Update)
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301. “Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.”

— Fran Lebowitz

302. “I doubt there’s ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.”

— Fran Lebowitz

303. “When I was very little, say five or six, I became aware of the fact that people wrote books. Before that, I thought that God wrote books. I thought a book was a manifestation of nature, like a tree.”

— Fran Lebowitz

304. “If you must give your child lessons, send him to driving school. He is far more likely to end up owning a Datsun than he is a Stradivarius.”

— Fran Lebowitz

305. “Do not approach with anything even resembling assurance a restaurant that moves.”

— Fran Lebowitz

306. “There is nothing more mine than my writing, nothing I’m more proprietary about.”

— Fran Lebowitz

307. “I would not call it a writer’s block. A writer’s block to me is a temporary thing. A month, you know, six weeks. This was more a writer’s blockade. To me, this was very much like the Vietnam War. It was the same timetable, it was on the same schedule as the Vietnam War. I don’t know how I got into it and I couldn’t get out of it.”

— Fran Lebowitz

308. “I’d like to decide who comes here. I’d like to be the admissions director of New York.”

— Fran Lebowitz

309. “I open the refrigerator. I decide against the half a lemon and jar of Gulden’s mustard and on the spur of the moment choose instead to have breakfast out. I guess that’s just the kind of girl I am – whimsical. 5:10.”

— Fran Lebowitz

310. “Citizen’s Band radio renders one accessible to a wide variety of people from all walks of life. It should not be forgotten that all walks of life include conceptual artists, dry cleaners, and living poets.”

— Fran Lebowitz

311. “Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.”

— Fran Lebowitz

312. “What, after all, is London to a man who thinks of the whole Middle East as just another bad neighborhood and the coast of South Africa as simply the beach?”

— Fran Lebowitz

313. “And I thought, You know, Fran, you could go away and you could be in a very beautiful place with a cook, but then you’d have to be a good guest. I would much rather stay here and be a bad guest. And, believe me, I am being a bad guest.”

— Fran Lebowitz

314. “I am not a callous sort. I believe that all people should have warm clothing, sufficient food, and adequate shelter. I do feel, however, that unless they are willing to behave in an acceptable manner they should bundle up, chow down, and stay home.”

— Fran Lebowitz

315. “Wondered briefly why listings always specify wood-burning fireplaces. Decided that considering the prices they’re asking, it’s probably just a warning device for those who might otherwise figure what the hell, and just burn money.”

— Fran Lebowitz

316. “If there was no such thing as food, Oyster Bay would be called just Bay, and for the title of The Cherry Orchard Chekhov would have chosen A Group of Empty Trees, Regularly Spaced.”

— Fran Lebowitz

317. “Flight 477 to Minneapolis will depart oh, let’s say, eightish. Flight 477 to Minneapolis will depart around eight, eight-thirty. Flight 477 to Minneapolis will depart while it’s still dark. Flight 477 to Minneapolis will depart before the paperback is out.”

— Fran Lebowitz

318. “People love to feel superior to their past.”

— Fran Lebowitz

319. “I, personally, have never been able to throw a book away. I have seen books, like in trash, and to me it’s like seeing a human head in the trash. Even if it’s a horrible book.”

— Fran Lebowitz

320. “I get up feeling curiously unrefreshed.”

— Fran Lebowitz

321. “You want to be a headwaiter? Act like a headwaiter. A little ignoring, please. A little uncalled-for arrogance.”

— Fran Lebowitz

322. “The second thing that distinguishes you, sets you apart from the crowd, is that everybody in the entire world likes his eggs done a different and special way. When it comes to eggs, everyone has his own subtle preference, his own individual taste. So the next time that someone asks you how you like your eggs, speak right up. After all, you only go around once.”

— Fran Lebowitz

323. “War is, undoubtedly, hell, but there is no earthly reason why it has to start so early in the morning.”

— Fran Lebowitz

324. “Is that what you want to be when you grow up? Helpful? Fine. Wonderful. Go, be helpful.”

— Fran Lebowitz

325. “Every single writer in the city of New York is not writing. Once knowledge of this has spread throughout the entire non-writing writing community, a tremendous feeling of mutual relief and well-being is experienced.”

— Fran Lebowitz

326. “In other words, everybody talks about people but nobody ever does anything about them.”

— Fran Lebowitz

327. “It is by this painstaking method of careful examination and eventual rejection that we reach a conclusion: life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep. Therefore, that which we call civilization is merely the accumulated debris of a chilling number of bad nights.”

— Fran Lebowitz

328. “Below you will find the complete and unabridged record of the general conversation of the general public since time immemorial: Hi, how are you? I did not. Good. Now you know how I felt. Do you mind if I go ahead of you? I only have this one thing.”

— Fran Lebowitz

329. “Pocket calculators encourage children to think that they have all the answers. If this belief were actually to take hold they might well seize power, which would undoubtedly result in all of the furniture being much too small.”

— Fran Lebowitz

330. “Children do not sit next to one in restaurants and discuss their preposterous hopes for the future in loud tones of voice.”

— Fran Lebowitz