Top 300 Fran Lebowitz Quotes (2025 Update)
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201. “Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.”

— Fran Lebowitz

202. “There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter.”

— Fran Lebowitz

203. “It’s very important when making a friend to check and see if they have a private plane. People think a good personality trait in a friend is kindness or a sense of humor. No, in a friend a good personality trait is a Gulfstream.”

— Fran Lebowitz

204. “If you’re going to America, bring your own food.”

— Fran Lebowitz

205. “It’s very disheartening to encounter a fearful twenty-one year old. They haven’t earned the right to be that afraid. It’s not like we’re living in war-torn Bosnia or something.”

— Fran Lebowitz

206. “I am alternately very gregarious – very sociable – and then very solitary.”

— Fran Lebowitz

207. “The great thing about New Jersey is that it’s close to New York.”

— Fran Lebowitz

208. “Contrary to what many of you may imagine, a career in letters is not without its drawbacks – chief among them the unpleasant fact that one is frequently called upon to sit down and write.”

— Fran Lebowitz

209. “The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.”

— Fran Lebowitz

210. “I don’t like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.”

— Fran Lebowitz

211. “Cold soup is a very tricky thing and it is a rare hostess who can carry it off. More often than not the dinner guest is left with the impression that had he only come a little earlier he could have gotten it while it was still hot.”

— Fran Lebowitz

212. “Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type.”

— Fran Lebowitz

213. “I’ve never seen the Kardashians; I’m not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it’s impossible not to.”

— Fran Lebowitz

214. “I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It’s not my preference, but it is my lot in life.”

— Fran Lebowitz

215. “In conversation you can use timing, a look, an inflection. But on the page all you have is commas, dashes, the amount of syllables in a word. When I write, I read everything out loud to get the right rhythm.”

— Fran Lebowitz

216. “I believe that at birth everyone gets the capacity for a certain amount of drugs and alcohol, everyone the same, you can do it all between 15 and 19 like I did, or you can stretch it out over 70 years.”

— Fran Lebowitz

217. “A community is a butcher and a doctor, a minister, a town troublemaker. A “community” is not a bunch of people united by some grievance. That’s just self-righteousness – incredibly dangerous and antidemocratic.”

— Fran Lebowitz

218. “White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.”

— Fran Lebowitz

219. “Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn’t have to put them in prisons?”

— Fran Lebowitz

220. “Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.”

— Fran Lebowitz

221. “Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.”

— Fran Lebowitz

222. “I am a New Yorker. I like New York. And I like cities. And it’s not my desire to make New York more suburban. I would personally just like to vet each person.”

— Fran Lebowitz

223. “Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don’t want them to come. Stay home!”

— Fran Lebowitz

224. “I’m not a nervous person. I’m not afraid to be on TV. I’m only afraid when I write. When I’m at my desk I feel like most people would feel if they went on TV.”

— Fran Lebowitz

225. “Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.”

— Fran Lebowitz

226. “I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.”

— Fran Lebowitz

227. “Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.”

— Fran Lebowitz

228. “People elect the President for reasons that have nothing to do with his ability to be president.”

— Fran Lebowitz

229. “I could not possibly be in a relationship now for more than six days. When I was younger, I might have said six months, although I think the longest relationship I was ever in was three years.”

— Fran Lebowitz

230. “Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.”

— Fran Lebowitz

231. “Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.”

— Fran Lebowitz

232. “I’ve always been old at heart.”

— Fran Lebowitz

233. “I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I’ve ever met: Every writer I’ve ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.”

— Fran Lebowitz

234. “While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.”

— Fran Lebowitz

235. “Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.”

— Fran Lebowitz

236. “Children do not really need money. After all, they don’t have to pay rent or send mailgrams.”

— Fran Lebowitz

237. “The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.”

— Fran Lebowitz

238. “He allowed people to express their racism and bigotry in a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they really love him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realise people love their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred – what is that about? It’s a fear of your own weakness.”

— Fran Lebowitz

239. “Once you go outside your natural audience, there are tons of people that don’t like you.”

— Fran Lebowitz

240. “I don’t like to read nonfiction. To me, fact is something I can look up.”

— Fran Lebowitz

241. “Things that people will say to me, mostly, is that you shouldn’t have all these books. It’s too expensive.”

— Fran Lebowitz

242. “Frenchman: Germans with good food.”

— Fran Lebowitz

243. “In New York we have zillions of different kinds of people, many of them hate each other, but violence based on that hatred is really uncommon here.”

— Fran Lebowitz

244. “People who are well-known, famous people, I think, make very poor characters for fiction. They make good characters for gossip columns. But not for fiction.”

— Fran Lebowitz

245. “Even when America is not working that well, it still works better than other places. F.”

— Fran Lebowitz

246. “Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeeddisheartening, particularly when you’ve ordered scrambled eggs.”

— Fran Lebowitz

247. “The thing you love right away, don’t do it, because that’s the very thing that’s going to be your addiction for the rest of your life.”

— Fran Lebowitz

248. “When I was a kid, the people of my generation didn’t want to be writers, they wanted to be rock stars. Rock and roll was not just entertainment, it was the center of people’s lives. When I was young, it was exciting and interesting.”

— Fran Lebowitz

249. “I always make a big effort to make a distinction between what is actually worse or what is just worse about not being 21. Of course, it’s much worse not to be 21. This is a given. But there are things that are worse.”

— Fran Lebowitz

250. “Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.”

— Fran Lebowitz