Top 300 Fran Lebowitz Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “In Rome people spend most of their time having lunch. And they do it very well – Rome is unquestionably the lunch capital of the world.”

— Fran Lebowitz

202. “I don’t care if New York avoided bankruptcy by substituting tourism for the garment business.”

— Fran Lebowitz

203. “The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive – you are leaking.”

— Fran Lebowitz

204. “I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child,’ for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.”

— Fran Lebowitz

205. “Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things about smokers that used to be said about homosexuals – they pollute the environment; you don’t want them around your children...”

— Fran Lebowitz

206. “There are certain relationships I think I’m great at: I’m the world’s greatest daughter. I’m a great relative. I believe I’m a great friend.”

— Fran Lebowitz

207. “It’s very important when making a friend to check and see if they have a private plane. People think a good personality trait in a friend is kindness or a sense of humor. No, in a friend a good personality trait is a Gulfstream.”

— Fran Lebowitz

208. “I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word ‘don’ and it’s not someone’s first name, I close the book.”

— Fran Lebowitz

209. “Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.”

— Fran Lebowitz

210. “You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.”

— Fran Lebowitz

211. “The second I learned to read in first grade, when I was 5, I preferred it to life. And I still do.”

— Fran Lebowitz

212. “Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.”

— Fran Lebowitz

213. “Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.”

— Fran Lebowitz

214. “Albert Einstein didn’t care where he lived. Albert Einstein was a genius. Albert Einstein wasn’t getting lost in the master bedroom, he was lost in thought.”

— Fran Lebowitz

215. “I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I’m lazier than most. I don’t want to brag, but I’m the laziest person I have ever known.”

— Fran Lebowitz

216. “He allowed people to express their racism and bigotry in a way that they haven’t been able to in quite a while and they really love him for that. It’s a shocking thing to realise people love their hatred more than they care about their own actual lives. The hatred – what is that about? It’s a fear of your own weakness.”

— Fran Lebowitz

217. “I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It’s not my preference, but it is my lot in life.”

— Fran Lebowitz

218. “The good thing about being in someone else’s apartment is it’s so much easier to leave than it is to get someone out.”

— Fran Lebowitz

219. “The great thing about New Jersey is that it’s close to New York.”

— Fran Lebowitz

220. “I don’t like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.”

— Fran Lebowitz

221. “Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.”

— Fran Lebowitz

222. “Forcing people into a situation where they’re supposed to adore each other is probably bad. But letting people get on and off the 6 train without stabbing each other, that’s good.”

— Fran Lebowitz

223. “New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.”

— Fran Lebowitz

224. “The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.”

— Fran Lebowitz

225. “It’s very disheartening to encounter a fearful twenty-one year old. They haven’t earned the right to be that afraid. It’s not like we’re living in war-torn Bosnia or something.”

— Fran Lebowitz

226. “Contrary to what many of you may imagine, a career in letters is not without its drawbacks – chief among them the unpleasant fact that one is frequently called upon to sit down and write.”

— Fran Lebowitz

227. “I am a New Yorker. I like New York. And I like cities. And it’s not my desire to make New York more suburban. I would personally just like to vet each person.”

— Fran Lebowitz

228. “Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.”

— Fran Lebowitz

229. “If you’re going to America, bring your own food.”

— Fran Lebowitz

230. “There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter.”

— Fran Lebowitz

231. “Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type.”

— Fran Lebowitz

232. “I believe that at birth everyone gets the capacity for a certain amount of drugs and alcohol, everyone the same, you can do it all between 15 and 19 like I did, or you can stretch it out over 70 years.”

— Fran Lebowitz

233. “I’ve never seen the Kardashians; I’m not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it’s impossible not to.”

— Fran Lebowitz

234. “Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn’t have to put them in prisons?”

— Fran Lebowitz

235. “I could not possibly be in a relationship now for more than six days. When I was younger, I might have said six months, although I think the longest relationship I was ever in was three years.”

— Fran Lebowitz

236. “Cold soup is a very tricky thing and it is a rare hostess who can carry it off. More often than not the dinner guest is left with the impression that had he only come a little earlier he could have gotten it while it was still hot.”

— Fran Lebowitz

237. “In conversation you can use timing, a look, an inflection. But on the page all you have is commas, dashes, the amount of syllables in a word. When I write, I read everything out loud to get the right rhythm.”

— Fran Lebowitz

238. “Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.”

— Fran Lebowitz

239. “Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.”

— Fran Lebowitz

240. “I’m not a nervous person. I’m not afraid to be on TV. I’m only afraid when I write. When I’m at my desk I feel like most people would feel if they went on TV.”

— Fran Lebowitz

241. “Frenchman: Germans with good food.”

— Fran Lebowitz

242. “Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.”

— Fran Lebowitz

243. “What starts love is your ability to stupefy and blind yourself to the point of being able to fall in love. What stops it is waking up.”

— Fran Lebowitz

244. “Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don’t want them to come. Stay home!”

— Fran Lebowitz

245. “While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.”

— Fran Lebowitz

246. “I’ve always been old at heart.”

— Fran Lebowitz

247. “Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.”

— Fran Lebowitz

248. “Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.”

— Fran Lebowitz

249. “I don’t like to read nonfiction. To me, fact is something I can look up.”

— Fran Lebowitz

250. “I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I’ve ever met: Every writer I’ve ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.”

— Fran Lebowitz