101. “A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.”
— Fred Allen
102. “Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.”
103. “If children could vote, Jesse Jackson would be our next president.”
104. “He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.”
105. “The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.”
106. “After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.”
107. “A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.”
108. “Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you’ll end up in the police station.”
109. “In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.”
110. “A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”
111. “Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.”
112. “Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.”
113. “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”
114. “I can’t understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”
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