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Top 60 Fred Allen Quotes (2024 Update)
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Fred Allen Quote: “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”

51. “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”

Fred Allen Quote: “The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.”

52. “The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.”

Fred Allen Quote: “I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.”

53. “I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.”

Fred Allen Quote: “During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.”

54. “During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.”

Fred Allen Quote: “All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it.”

55. “All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it.”

Fred Allen Quote: “The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.”

56. “The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.”

Fred Allen Quote: “A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.”

57. “A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.”

Fred Allen Quote: “After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.”

58. “After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.”

Fred Allen Quote: “I can’t understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”

59. “I can’t understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”

Fred Allen Quote: “He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.”

60. “He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.”

Fred Allen Quote: “In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.”

61. “In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises.”

Fred Allen Quote: “A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.”

62. “A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.”

Fred Allen Quote: “Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.”

63. “Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.”

Fred Allen Quote: “Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.”

64. “Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.”

Fred Allen Quote: “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”

65. “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”

Fred Allen Quote: “An actor, to spend his entire life as an actor, has to have the mind of a child. A writer at sixty can be a Steinbeck, a Faulkner, or a Hemingway. An actor at sixty can make a funny face or do a creaky dance. The actor lives a reasonable-facsimile existence while cavorting in an unreal world. The value of an actor’s services are determined by the needs of another person.”

66. “An actor, to spend his entire life as an actor, has to have the mind of a child. A writer at sixty can be a Steinbeck, a Faulkner, or a Hemingway. An actor at sixty can make a funny face or do a creaky dance. The actor lives a reasonable-facsimile existence while cavorting in an unreal world. The value of an actor’s services are determined by the needs of another person.”

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Education Quotes

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