Top 180 Jeff Foxworthy Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I’d just shave mine off.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

102. “If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don’t have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren’t! Especially if they’ve got hair on them!”

— Jeff Foxworthy

103. “If you’ve ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you’re either gay, or married.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

104. “It’s a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

105. “I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, “Foxworthy, you ain’t nothing but a redneck from Georgia!” It kind of became a formula joke.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

106. “You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

107. “If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

108. “You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

109. “Kids aren’t suppose to have cancer, they’re suppose to have a future.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

110. “You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

111. “You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you’ve got AN IDIOT!”

— Jeff Foxworthy

112. “You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

113. “You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

114. “As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you’re going to do.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

115. “If men have a smell it’s usually an accident.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

116. “If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

117. “My grandma’s the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she’s doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!”

— Jeff Foxworthy

118. “Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

119. “You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

120. “You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

121. “I’ve got nothing against tattoos. I don’t have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife’s birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don’t let Ron White drive your car again.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

122. “You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

123. “The things that I’m talking about not knowing, they’re not mysteries of the universe; it’s just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

124. “Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

125. “You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

126. “You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

127. “When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

128. “It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

129. “Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don’t know there’s a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it’s thinking.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

130. “The only negative about doing stand-up is that you’re on the road by yourself. When you’re on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, “Can you believe they’re paying us to do this? They’re crazy.””

— Jeff Foxworthy

131. “I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry’s made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he’d gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

132. “We’re a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

133. “My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

134. “By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I’ve been yelled at by everyone in the family.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

135. “I don’t necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I’m a comedian and I have a Southern accent.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

136. “I don’t know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan’s Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

137. “Between New York and LA, there’s 200 million people that aren’t hip, and they don’t want to be hip.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

138. “You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

139. “Country music is about new love and it’s about old love.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

140. “To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

141. “That’s the great thing about a tractor. You can’t really hear the phone ring.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

142. “My whole career can be summed up with ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

143. “I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I’ve got four more summers with her. I’m not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

144. “It’s sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn’t have to.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

145. “You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

146. “Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

147. “As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

148. “I’m very lucky in that I’ve gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, “You can only do one,” I’d think it would be stand-up. I think it’s the coolest job in the world.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

149. “You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

150. “You can call us rednecks if you want. We’re not offended, ’cause we know what we’re all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.”

— Jeff Foxworthy