Top 180 Jeff Foxworthy Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn’t go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

2. “You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

3. “You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

4. “You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

5. “Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

6. “It’s like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

7. “When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad’s theory was, ‘Let him pull it over his head a few times, he’ll learn.’”

— Jeff Foxworthy

8. “I’m two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it’s through the grace of God, and I’ve got to use it right.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

9. “I wish I could relate to the people I’m related to.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

10. “Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. “Oh, honey, it’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean.” That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

11. “Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

12. “If your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

13. “You might be a redneck if you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

14. “People should see your faith. If all you do is talk about your faith and people don’t see it, but they ought to see it in the way you treat your family, you treat your friends, you treat your community.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

15. “We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

16. “If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

17. “You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

18. “You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

19. “I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

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20. “You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

21. “You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

22. “Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don’t really ask too much about what you’re eating.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

23. “I say, If everybody in this house lives where it’s God first, friends and family second and you third, we won’t ever have an argument.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

24. “You might be a redneck if you’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

25. “You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

26. “The biggest thing I’ve learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

27. “You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

28. “The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

29. “You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

30. “I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you’ll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

31. “If you break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

32. “Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that’s been driven that hard by that many people, you really don’t want to put your key in it.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

33. “You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, ‘holds 6-12 pounds’ they’re not kidding!”

— Jeff Foxworthy

34. “I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

35. “Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

36. “I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

37. “I’ve got keys to crap I’ve never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

38. “I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

39. “You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

40. “You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

41. “You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

42. “If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

43. “If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don’t work there you might live in Wisconsin.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

44. “You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

45. “Little girls love dolls. They just don’t love doll clothes. We’ve got four thousand dolls and ain’t one of them got a stitch of clothes on.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

46. “If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

47. “You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

48. “You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

49. “You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.”

— Jeff Foxworthy

50. “If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’”

— Jeff Foxworthy