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Top 200 Kevin Hearne Quotes (2024 Update)
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Kevin Hearne Quote: “Pardon me, is this some kind of social experiment? You want me to get a hundred and forty-four Samoans and cram them into your cabin with a case of whiskey?”

201. “Pardon me, is this some kind of social experiment? You want me to get a hundred and forty-four Samoans and cram them into your cabin with a case of whiskey?”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.”

202. “Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “I hope that if I ever travel two thousand years into the future, there will still be bacon.”

203. “I hope that if I ever travel two thousand years into the future, there will still be bacon.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Excellent plan. Atticus out.”

204. “Excellent plan. Atticus out.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “I come to dungeon for good time – which maybe is problem, I admit – but I get bad time instead.”

205. “I come to dungeon for good time – which maybe is problem, I admit – but I get bad time instead.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he’d promptly lose control of his salivary glands.”

206. “If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he’d promptly lose control of his salivary glands.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “I don’t think there is one. We had our priorities straight.”

207. “I don’t think there is one. We had our priorities straight.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Being immortal did not make me invincible. Look at what the Bacchants did to that poor Orpheus fella.”

208. “Being immortal did not make me invincible. Look at what the Bacchants did to that poor Orpheus fella.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “I’ll be spanked by all the men of Scotland before all me mates are wiped out and no one pays for it.”

209. “I’ll be spanked by all the men of Scotland before all me mates are wiped out and no one pays for it.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “When in a fight for your life, you never, ever fight fairly. Honor and sportsmanship are wonderful in games that don’t matter, but it’s the honorable guys who always die in real battles.”

210. “When in a fight for your life, you never, ever fight fairly. Honor and sportsmanship are wonderful in games that don’t matter, but it’s the honorable guys who always die in real battles.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “After all, there is nothing so deadly, so ultimately terminal, as being alive.”

211. “After all, there is nothing so deadly, so ultimately terminal, as being alive.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “We have a box of salt in there distilled from the tears of men who try to harass us.”

212. “We have a box of salt in there distilled from the tears of men who try to harass us.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “I supposed it was the difference between wishing to be better and wishing to be best. They are not remotely the same thing.”

213. “I supposed it was the difference between wishing to be better and wishing to be best. They are not remotely the same thing.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “But besides all that, if ye ever have the power to make someone’s dream come true and ye don’t, then what kind of a selfish shite would ye be?”

214. “But besides all that, if ye ever have the power to make someone’s dream come true and ye don’t, then what kind of a selfish shite would ye be?”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Making a good omelet is like living well: You have to pay attention to the process if you want to enjoy it.”

215. “Making a good omelet is like living well: You have to pay attention to the process if you want to enjoy it.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “The victors’ view of history rarely matches that of the vanquished.”

216. “The victors’ view of history rarely matches that of the vanquished.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “The best we can do sometimes, in absence of actual wisdom, is to simply cease being foolish.”

217. “The best we can do sometimes, in absence of actual wisdom, is to simply cease being foolish.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Whenever someone shoulders past me or cuts me off, I feel like rooting for them instead of getting angry, and I hope they’re able to make it to the toilet before disaster strikes. I cheer for the steadfastness of their sphincters and wish them long life and clean underwear. People think I am patient, but not really; I just get it. We are ruled by our bladders and bowels.”

218. “Whenever someone shoulders past me or cuts me off, I feel like rooting for them instead of getting angry, and I hope they’re able to make it to the toilet before disaster strikes. I cheer for the steadfastness of their sphincters and wish them long life and clean underwear. People think I am patient, but not really; I just get it. We are ruled by our bladders and bowels.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “What? Who? You can’t throw around pronouns like that without their antecedents if you want people to follow you.”

219. “What? Who? You can’t throw around pronouns like that without their antecedents if you want people to follow you.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “We are ruled by our bladders and bowels.”

220. “We are ruled by our bladders and bowels.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “No a word ’bout my nails, Al. Or anything. This situation here is only because I love ma wee brother and need tae convince his bride’s family that I’m totally normal and no involved with the occult, plus I’m pretending that ma uterus desperately wants a ten-month lease from some man’s seed but I’m just too busy at the moment, awright?”

221. “No a word ’bout my nails, Al. Or anything. This situation here is only because I love ma wee brother and need tae convince his bride’s family that I’m totally normal and no involved with the occult, plus I’m pretending that ma uterus desperately wants a ten-month lease from some man’s seed but I’m just too busy at the moment, awright?”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “A Buddhist wishes to point out that desires are what prevent people from achieving happiness, that materialism is the cause of discord.”

222. “A Buddhist wishes to point out that desires are what prevent people from achieving happiness, that materialism is the cause of discord.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Eternity is a long time to spend doing nothing, after all.”

223. “Eternity is a long time to spend doing nothing, after all.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Nakari would place bullet holes on their temples like periods at the end of a sentence.”

224. “Nakari would place bullet holes on their temples like periods at the end of a sentence.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Nigel went to Toronto on holiday and got his skull cracked by a hockey puck.”

225. “Nigel went to Toronto on holiday and got his skull cracked by a hockey puck.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “We should be building roads in and out of our own wee heads rather than erecting walls around them.”

226. “We should be building roads in and out of our own wee heads rather than erecting walls around them.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “Corporations might be harder to kill than gods.”

227. “Corporations might be harder to kill than gods.”

— Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Quote: “I think my instinctive rejection of judgment comes from meeting too many people who say on the one hand that their chosen deity shall judge us all but then they judge me anyway, rather than leaving it up to the deity they profess to believe in and trust. That’s using religion to cudgel people into conformity, and it grinds my gears.”

228. “I think my instinctive rejection of judgment comes from meeting too many people who say on the one hand that their chosen deity shall judge us all but then they judge me anyway, rather than leaving it up to the deity they profess to believe in and trust. That’s using religion to cudgel people into conformity, and it grinds my gears.”

— Kevin Hearne

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