Top 300 Mindy Kaling Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “So my second realization was that I would rather be lonely than be friends with non-friends. Losing friends is hard, but losing fake friends, as it turns out, is pretty damn easy.”

— Mindy Kaling

52. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it? Flaunt it. ‘Cause what are we even doing here if we’re not flaunting it?”

— Mindy Kaling

53. “I really love ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’ – and I love the book, too. You wonder how it ever got made into a movie. She’s supposed to be chubby, and two of the hottest guys ever are straight-up fighting over her?”

— Mindy Kaling

54. “To put it kindly, I am a very talkative, social person. To put it less kindly, I’m a flibbertigibbet, which is what my frenemy Rainn Wilson calls me.”

— Mindy Kaling

55. “I always knew I wanted kids, but when my mom passed away I was like, ‘I want a bunch of kids. I want three kids or four kids, and I want to have that relationship again.’ I can’t bring my mom back, but I can have children.”

— Mindy Kaling

56. “I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.”

— Mindy Kaling

57. “I’m not good at anything except writing jokes. I wasn’t good at sports, I wasn’t good at anything artsy, ever. I think there was a real worry for a while about what I would be good at. I was just this chubby little Indian kid who looked like a nerd.”

— Mindy Kaling

58. “I have a thick skin, which comes from being a not-really-skinny, dark-skinned Indian woman. I haven’t fit in every place, and so I’m kind of used to resistance.”

— Mindy Kaling

59. “Anybody can have a birthday. It requires nothing. Murderers have birthdays. It’s the opposite of anything that I believe in. And I don’t like at work where you stop everything to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to someone. I feel like that’s for children.”

— Mindy Kaling

60. “The chorus of “Jack and Diane” is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.”

— Mindy Kaling

61. “Being called fat is not like being called stupid or unfunny, which is the worst thing you could ever say to me.”

— Mindy Kaling

62. “As a kid it’s adorable to have a gap in your teeth. But then, because of the shifting in my mouth, I started whistling through it, and as a 32-year-old woman, whistling while you speak in sort of annoying.”

— Mindy Kaling

63. “And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don’t hate themselves. So that’s why you need to be a little bit brave.”

— Mindy Kaling

64. “All I want to do is be a gay icon. I was reading Lady Gaga’s twitter, because she has like 12 million followers, or something like that. I feel like she has fans, gay, straight, bi, who would throw themselves off a building for her.”

— Mindy Kaling

65. “I’m not overweight. I flucuate between chubby and curvy.”

— Mindy Kaling

66. “Anyone who’s lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change – as anyone would change.”

— Mindy Kaling

67. “I don’t want to be skinny. I’m constantly in a state of self-improvement, but I don’t beat myself up over it.”

— Mindy Kaling

68. “Every actor pretends that they hate sex scenes, and the truth is that they all love them, and they’re lying.”

— Mindy Kaling

69. “If you are going to ask your crush for their phone number, you are one of the small group of women I am so jealous of.”

— Mindy Kaling

70. “Who is the beauty icon that inspires you the most? Is it Sophia Loren? Audrey Hepburn? Halle Berry? Mine is Nosferatu, because that vampire taught me my number-one and number-two favorite beauty tricks of all time: avoid the sun at all costs and always try to appear shrouded in shadows.”

— Mindy Kaling

71. “I’m so much more confident and sexy at thirty-eight than I ever was when I was eighteen or twenty-four...”

— Mindy Kaling

72. “Soul mates” is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.”

— Mindy Kaling

73. “The great thing about true best friends is that when you go MIA for a few months, they inquire but they don’t press. Best friends know the power of infatuation but also how quickly it dissipates. You just have to wait it out. And then afterward, tease them about it for decades.”

— Mindy Kaling

74. “Albums that remind me of my childhood happiness make me incredibly sad now.”

— Mindy Kaling

75. “If you’re reading this, you’re probably a woman. Or perhaps you’re a gay man getting a present for your even gayer friend. Maybe you accidentally bought this thinking it was the Malala book.”

— Mindy Kaling

76. “When men hear women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome.”

— Mindy Kaling

77. “When people call me either a girl crush or their best friend, like, the best friend they want, that’s, to me, the best compliment anyone could ever give me.”

— Mindy Kaling

78. “Have you ever used your neighbor’s Wi-Fi when it wasn’t on a password? If you have the opportunity to observe someone at work, you are getting mentoring out of them even if they are unaware or resistant. Make a list of the people you think would make the greatest mentors and try to get close enough to steal their Wi-Fi.”

— Mindy Kaling

79. “I would rather have someone read my diary than look at my iPod playlists.”

— Mindy Kaling

80. “We clung to each other with blind loyalty, like Lord Voldemort and his snake, Nagini. I, of course, was Nagini. If you messed with one of us, you knew you messed with both of us, and Voldemort was going to cast a murder spell on you, or Nagini was going to chomp on your jugular.”

— Mindy Kaling

81. “This is extremely challenging when you sound like a 12-year-old girl, and you decide your first personal endeavor is to play, like, a – like, a very macho dude.”

— Mindy Kaling

82. “I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying, picture-hanging man. I don’t care if he takes prescription drugs for cholesterol or hair loss.”

— Mindy Kaling

83. “The truth is, it’s hard to get people to like you, but it’s even harder to keep people liking you. You’d have to bring in Skittles every single day.”

— Mindy Kaling

84. “Couples are really funny, because if they are together, they can fight and do fun things together. In Jane Austen books, marriage is the end of the story, but I actually think a really funny couple could be a fun thing to watch.”

— Mindy Kaling

85. “People’s reaction to me is sometimes “Uch, I just don’t like her. I hate how she thinks she is so great.” But it’s not that I think I’m so great. I just don’t hate myself. I do idiotic things all the time and I say crazy stuff I regret, but I don’t let everything traumatize me. And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don’t hate themselves. So that’s why you need to be a little bit brave.”

— Mindy Kaling

86. “As a bridesmaid, on the morning of the wedding you will be unfolding the rusty metal legs of a banquet table and in the distance you will see a useless groomsman playing Frisbee with a dog. To rub salt in the wound, he might lightly ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?” knowing full well no self-respecting bridesmaid will task him with any job because he will do it too slowly.”

— Mindy Kaling

87. “I was obsessed with being popular in high school and never achieved it. There’s photos from our high school musicals, and I’m comically in the deep background, wearing a beggar’s costume.”

— Mindy Kaling

88. “I am always surprised at what movie studios think people will want to see. I’m even more surprised at how often they are correct.”

— Mindy Kaling

89. “People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work. That’s a mistake. I know I sound like some dour older spinster on Downton Abbey who has never felt a man’s touch and whose heart has turned to stone, but I don’t understand how you could have self-confidence if you don’t do the work... I have never, ever, ever, met a high confident person and successful person who is not what a movie would call a ‘workaholic.’ Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.”

— Mindy Kaling

90. “I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed.”

— Mindy Kaling

91. “I stupidly memorize my credit card and use it about thrice weekly for online shopping. The only reason I don’t bankrupt myself is that I return about 75% of what I buy.”

— Mindy Kaling

92. “Your fear that your parents will actually kill you for dropping out of college is something that I think a lot of children of immigrants would maybe relate to.”

— Mindy Kaling

93. “Later, when you’re grown up, you realize you never really get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that’s it.”

— Mindy Kaling

94. “I will leave you with one last piece of advice, which is: If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it? Flaunt it. ‘Cause what are we even doing here if we’re not flaunting it?”

— Mindy Kaling

95. “But my secret is: even though I wish I could be thin, and that I could have the ease of lifestyle that I associate with being thin, I don’t wish for it with all of my heart. Because my heart is reserved for way more important things.”

— Mindy Kaling

96. “Fast food is hugely important in the life of a comedy writer. All we do is order in, and what we’re going to eat is hotly debated.”

— Mindy Kaling

97. “Writing, at its heart, is a solitary pursuit, designed to make people depressoids, drug addicts, misanthropes, and antisocial weirdos.”

— Mindy Kaling

98. “Playful arguments would become fits of uncontrollable laughter, and, like magic, that experience would be crystallized into a private joke, and the private joke would get boiled down to a simple phrase, which became a souvenir of the entire experience. For years to come, the phrase alone could uncork hours of renewed laughter. And as everyone knows, the best kind of laughter is laughter born of a shared memory.”

— Mindy Kaling

99. “There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes.”

— Mindy Kaling

100. “People who are good at stand-up, they sort of seem to have to do it. Something within them makes them have to go on the road.”

— Mindy Kaling