Top 300 Mindy Kaling Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “I guess the lesson is that if you’re going to punch someone in the face, your best bet is to punch your best friend.”

— Mindy Kaling

202. “Sometimes I aid into the confusion by having my character’s name be my name.”

— Mindy Kaling

203. “And these days, I find I’m caring less and less about what people think of me. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s my security in my career, maybe it’s because I’m skrilla flush with that dollah-dollah-bill-y’all, but if I had to identify my overall feeling these days, it’s much more “Eh, screw it. Here’s how I really feel.”

— Mindy Kaling

204. “I have an underdog spirit in me, and now it feels weird to kind of get my own way more often than not.”

— Mindy Kaling

205. “The laws of bullying allow you to be cruel even when the victim had made strides for improvement? This is when I realized that bullies have no code of conduct.”

— Mindy Kaling

206. “Something that’s happened recently is that I don’t beat myself up about stuff.”

— Mindy Kaling

207. “I know many friends who loved their sororities. I wasn’t traumatized. I was just bored.”

— Mindy Kaling

208. “If I could make a device where people could just intuit everything you are thinking – a little cable you plug into, like, a USB port, I would make a billion dollars.”

— Mindy Kaling

209. “A not 100-percent-perfect-looking-in-every-way female? You might as well film a dead squid decaying on a beach somewhere for two hours.”

— Mindy Kaling

210. “Married people, it’s up to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It’s a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me, want to get on board. Please be psyched, and convey that psychedness to us. And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of the Shakespearean play, wearing the wreath of flowers in your hair. The rest of us are just the little side characters.”

— Mindy Kaling

211. “I was surprised she’d heard us. When you’re that low on the totem pole, you sometimes think you’re so unimportant that no one can hear you. My sense of invisibility had made me loose-lipped.”

— Mindy Kaling

212. “Ah! There is a plane crash in Lost and now we are going to die in a plane crash while watching Lost! And I’m too scared to tell anyone my cool observation!”

— Mindy Kaling

213. “7. Have one great cologne that’s not from the drugstore. Just one. Wear very little of it, all the time. I cannot tell you how sexy it is to be enveloped in a hug by a man whose smell you remember. Then, anytime I smell that cologne, I think of you.”

— Mindy Kaling

214. “I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. Then I just lap it up. There is no difference between Ripley from Alien and any Katherine Heigl character. They’re all participating in the same level of made-up awesomeness, and I enjoy every second of it.”

— Mindy Kaling

215. “In high school, I had fun in my academic clubs, watching movies with my girlfriends, learning Latin, having long, protracted, unrequited crushes on older guys who didn’t know me, and yes, hanging out with my family. I liked hanging out with my family! Later, when you’re grown up, you realize you never get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that’s it.”

— Mindy Kaling

216. “My dad is funny in his own way, and so is my brother, but in terms of legitimately making a lot of people laugh, that’s my mom. I inherit my sense of comedy from her.”

— Mindy Kaling

217. “Live performance really terrifies me. I haven’t done it, really, in years. I think that’s why I retired from my brief career in stand-up.”

— Mindy Kaling

218. “You might also see that some of my playlists are simply two songs on repeat fifteen times, like I’m a psycho getting pumped up to murder the president.”

— Mindy Kaling

219. “Also, chubby people can never truly pull off ethereal the same way skinny people can never be jolly.”

— Mindy Kaling

220. “I lost my mind. I lunged at him and inhaled all of his fries standing up a foot away from the trash can. No food is as delicious as food you eat standing a foot away from a trash can. Ask any possum.”

— Mindy Kaling

221. “I’ve always had that chip on my shoulder. I’ve just always been super hard on myself.”

— Mindy Kaling

222. “I can’t for the life of me not eat something that I want to eat.”

— Mindy Kaling

223. “The first thing you need to know is that the hair on your head is worthless. The color, the length, the thickness, everything. You will never see anyone on TV sporting their own God-given hair, unless it’s on, like, a sad miniseries about factory workers in East Germany. The same goes for hair color. Yes, your natural color may be appropriate for your skin tone, but this isn’t the land of appropriate – this is Hollywood, baby.”

— Mindy Kaling

224. “But when you’re winning, it makes them feel like they’re losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to do something too, but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you. You can’t let them.”

— Mindy Kaling

225. “And that’s all show business is, really. Transitioning panics.”

— Mindy Kaling

226. “Maybe you accidentally bought this thinking it was the Malala book.”

— Mindy Kaling

227. “I enter the party with my heart racing, scrambling to find the nearest bar, and ultimately wind up talking for hours to the teenage daughters of the host, who love The Office. After answering all the girls’ questions about John Krasinski, I say I need to use the restroom, secretly exit through the back, and sprint to my car, never to be heard from again.”

— Mindy Kaling

228. “Writing a book is the most terrifying thing that I’ve ever done. It’s so much harder than writing for television because it is a completely different skill set.”

— Mindy Kaling

229. “I don’t consider myself a fashion person, I consider myself a shopping person. As a person who has girlie interests and a little bit of disposable income.”

— Mindy Kaling

230. “When Your Boyfriend Fits into Your Jeans and Other Atrocities.”

— Mindy Kaling

231. “That’s why every doctor on TV is a drug addict, a sociopath, or just plain mega-rude. Doctors can do anything they want!”

— Mindy Kaling

232. “I guess when you go to business school you never turn business off.”

— Mindy Kaling

233. “There’s the psychotic ambitious side of myself that wants a fashion line and my own network and be like a combination of Oprah and Gwen Stefani. And have a perfume. Definitely a perfume.”

— Mindy Kaling

234. “I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.”

— Mindy Kaling

235. “I think a lot of writers, male and female, write as if their parents were killed in a car accident when they were 2, and they have no one to hold accountable. And unfortunately, I don’t have that. I have parents who I care about what they think.”

— Mindy Kaling

236. “What? I have a cold. Don’t get a look of terror on your face. The worst that could happen is that you’ll get a cold, too. You don’t have to theatrically Purell a thousand times a day and look all panicky every time I come into the room.”

— Mindy Kaling

237. “I happen to believe that no one inherently deserves anything, except basic human rights, and not to have to watch an ad before you watch a trailer on YouTube.”

— Mindy Kaling

238. “Learning about new hot sauces is the least expensive way to improve my quality of life.”

— Mindy Kaling

239. “I cringe a lot when I look at my early talk-show experiences.”

— Mindy Kaling

240. “It was finally clear. The reason I’m Kind of Hindu and will raise my daughter to be Kind of Hindu is to have this connection deep inside my own heart to other people who look like us and have shared key experiences, thousands of miles away. I don’t have to be full-on religious, and I doubt I’ll ever be knowledgeable enough to satisfy her or my curiosity about our faith, but I’m really going to try.”

— Mindy Kaling

241. “Is this a generation of orphans who are going to the improv to do stand-up?”

— Mindy Kaling

242. “There are not many relationships more powerful than that of two women who fall fast and deep into a friendship. It was heartbreaking to be loved and left.”

— Mindy Kaling

243. “I think that’s the lesson of this story: you never know what is going to happen.”

— Mindy Kaling

244. “I found it to be smooth sailing – 100 percent smooth sailing my whole career.”

— Mindy Kaling

245. “You know when you meet someone so smart and cool that all their tastes and opinions seem like the correct ones? And you instantly think: those are my opinions now too!”

— Mindy Kaling

246. “If you’re a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.”

— Mindy Kaling

247. “That’s the one nice thing about being a dork about men: you can sometimes play it off as restrained and classy.”

— Mindy Kaling

248. “On ‘The Office,’ so much of the show is about disguising your true feelings and your romantic feelings because it was a mock documentary.”

— Mindy Kaling

249. “I hate gowns. It’s a rare gown indeed that is cool. Most are elegant or whatever, a quality I don’t put a big premium on.”

— Mindy Kaling

250. “I discovered that kids hate for any food to resemble the form it originally was in nature. They are on to something because that processed garbage was insanely delicious.”

— Mindy Kaling