Top 300 Mindy Kaling Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “It’d be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it’s totally obvious to everyone that I did it.”

— Mindy Kaling

252. “I really ought to send him some money, but, honestly, he doesn’t need it. He has that sweet Despicable Me money.”

— Mindy Kaling

253. “It wasn’t until later that I realized Paul’s quietness was a result of his confidence. He didn’t need to shout to be heard.”

— Mindy Kaling

254. “It sounds odd, but cheerful is very hard to find in Los Angeles. I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.”

— Mindy Kaling

255. “When I played the “I don’t feel comfortable” card, he knew it was over. “I don’t feel comfortable” is the classic manipulative girl get-my-way line. It’s right up there with “I don’t feel entirely safe.” Was it fair? Nope. Was it cool? Absolutely not. But it also wasn’t fair or cool for him to have brought three dozen size-zero gowns to my photo shoot.”

— Mindy Kaling

256. “If Europe could figure out a way to do the euro, I feel confident we can do this.”

— Mindy Kaling

257. “Cat Hats: Sixteen Paper Hats to Put on Your Unsuspecting Kitty.”

— Mindy Kaling

258. “No matter how good you have it, it’s cool to want more.”

— Mindy Kaling

259. “Comedy writers have the most fragile egos.”

— Mindy Kaling

260. “My mother is more of an adviser. I followed everything she did when I was younger, because I looked up to her so much.”

— Mindy Kaling

261. “To have a complete outfit designed, for me, is easier than trying to find pieces that work together.”

— Mindy Kaling

262. “I didn’t completely forget how to be nice or feminine because I have a career.”

— Mindy Kaling

263. “I am the kind of person that is drawn to colors against my will.”

— Mindy Kaling

264. “What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair.”

— Mindy Kaling

265. “Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away. Push, shove, scratch that person while they’re still within arm’s reach. Don’t let them get away! Who knows when you’ll get this opportunity again?”

— Mindy Kaling

266. “I’ve enjoyed an endless supply of free paper, paperclips, envelopes, and office supplies since joining The Office, because I steal props on a regular basis.”

— Mindy Kaling

267. “There are many teenage vampire books you could have purchased instead. I’m grateful you made this choice.”

— Mindy Kaling

268. “Truthfully, I guess I would like to be remembered as a great writer and a kind person. I wouldn’t mind if an expensive bag were named after me, like Jane Birkin.”

— Mindy Kaling

269. “Besides, who wants to read about success, anyway? Successful serial murderers, maybe.”

— Mindy Kaling

270. “Like every heterosexual woman and gay man in the country, I think James Franco is a very mysterious and sexy weirdo and I’d like to be invited to do a love scene with him in one of his art house movies.”

— Mindy Kaling

271. “The truth is, if I were going to lose weight successfully, I would have to think about what I eat constantly. I cannot imagine a life more boring and a more time-consuming obsession than being preoccupied with watching what I eat. I mean, maybe being in a coma would be more boring, but at least then you’re free to dream about all of your favorite foods. And the fact of the matter is, I don’t have that much brain space to use thinking about it.”

— Mindy Kaling

272. “I am telling you, the key to looking gorgeous is to never sit up straight. It implies you have not eaten enough to have the strength to sit like a regular person, which historically is sexy to everyone.”

— Mindy Kaling

273. “Um, Mindy is much less like Elizabeth Bennet than she is a combination of Carrie Bradshaw and Eric Cartman.”

— Mindy Kaling

274. “I especially like eavesdropping on women my age. Besides being titillating, it also helps me gauge where I’m at in comparison.”

— Mindy Kaling

275. “We will never come home to each other again and we will never again have each other’s undivided attention. That version of our friendship is over forever.”

— Mindy Kaling

276. “I guess I’m the kind of person who likes to be part of something so much that I won’t care if the something is bad.”

— Mindy Kaling

277. “Playful arguments would become fits of uncontrollable laughter, and, like magic, that experience would be crystallized into a private joke, and the private joke would get boiled down to a simple phrase, which became a.”

— Mindy Kaling

278. “Why is everyone trying to tell me that when you get older it gets better?”

— Mindy Kaling

279. “I’m a smart enough person to know that I don’t want everyone to be cookie-cutter versions of the nine guys who wear Converse sneakers.”

— Mindy Kaling

280. “I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it.”

— Mindy Kaling

281. “I laugh thinking about if they ever tried to do “Who Wore It Best?” for men’s magazines. They wouldn’t, because no one would care. Men don’t care which men looked better in the same clothes because it’s so obviously a huge waste of time. It’s also why they don’t have astrology sections in men’s magazines.”

— Mindy Kaling

282. “I can’t for the life of me not eat something that I want to eat. You know how if you turned on a faucet in your sink to wash your hands, the idea of leaving the bathroom without turning it off is insane? That’s how I am about ignoring delicious food.”

— Mindy Kaling

283. “If you’re Natalie Dormer, you can take big fashion risks and shave half your head, and it looks good. If you’re a normal person and you try that, you just look like you had recent brain surgery.”

— Mindy Kaling

284. “I just sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that corporations are co-opting “girl confidence” language to rally girls into buying body wash. Be careful.”

— Mindy Kaling

285. “Throwing a tantrum feels good because you think you are ruining everyone’s good time when you feel your very worst. But the truth is, you’re not ruining their good time, you’re just giving them another good story.”

— Mindy Kaling

286. “As a kid, I was curious but not remotely adventurous, if that makes sense.”

— Mindy Kaling

287. “Is Dwight really like that in real life?” to which I respond: “Oh, no, Rainn isn’t like Dwight. Dwight is an angel next to Rainn. Rainn is a demon.”

— Mindy Kaling

288. “The problem was I didn’t want just anyone’s company. I wanted the company of funny, smart, like-minded people. That’s when I realized something about myself: I would rather be lonely than bored.”

— Mindy Kaling

289. “One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression. It’s not like if you’re in Los Angeles, where everyone’s so actively working on cheerfulness and mental and physical health that if they sense you’re down, they shun you. Also, all that sunshine is a cruel joke when you’re depressed. In New York, even in your misery, you feel like you belong.”

— Mindy Kaling

290. “I am slightly offended by the way busy working women my age are presented in film. I’m not, like, always barking orders into my hands-free phone device and telling people constantly, “I have no time for this!” I didn’t completely forget how to be nice and feminine because I have a career.”

— Mindy Kaling

291. “I’m someone who loves romance. I always have loved it. Most people who grew up as nerds, as I was, surprisingly, have loved romance.”

— Mindy Kaling

292. “Asking your friend to be a bridesmaid is one of the modern paradoxes: no one actually wants to do it, but everyone would be offended if you didn’t ask.”

— Mindy Kaling

293. “When most people sing karaoke, they think of themselves as contestants on American Idol, and they sing and perform their hearts out. But I really think people should be thinking of themselves more as temporary DJs for the party. It’s kind of a responsibility. It’s up to you to sing a kick-ass upbeat song that sets the mood for your friends to have fun, drink, and pick up girls and guys.”

— Mindy Kaling

294. “It’s been proven that writers are funnier when they are demoralized.”

— Mindy Kaling

295. “I love diet soda; when I drink juice or regular soda it makes my blood sugar spike and I act like a cracked out Rachael Ray, but without the helpful household tips.”

— Mindy Kaling

296. “Die in a good way, obviously.”

— Mindy Kaling

297. “I think it’s a federal crime parking meters won’t accept pennies. Yeah, government, we know pennies suck. But you made them! You have to accept them! Parking meters are literally one of the three things anyone uses coins for and you decide you don’t want to deal with them?”

— Mindy Kaling

298. “I’ve found that a well-fitting padded bra can transform me from a pear-shaped woman to an hourglass-shaped woman. Okay, maybe not hourglass-shaped, but definitely, say, an egg-timer-shaped woman.”

— Mindy Kaling

299. “WHAT I’M ASKING for is not that much. I just want a boyfriend who is sweet and trustworthy. That’s it. He doesn’t need to have a perfect body or look like George Clooney. I want a guy who wants to curl up on a Friday night and watch Netflix. He can even pick the show. I mean, ideally, it’s serialized and female-driven, and maybe not that boring political one. But honestly, I don’t care. It’s not important.”

— Mindy Kaling

300. “Boys let your parents pay for dinner when you all go out.”

— Mindy Kaling