Top 250 Zach Braff Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I’d just love to see Will Smith’s face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That’d show that no-talent uncle tom.”

— Zach Braff

102. “I really like just super dry comedy.”

— Zach Braff

103. “I donno, it’s not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.”

— Zach Braff

104. “Every single person wants to do it, don’t hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!”

— Zach Braff

105. “Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.”

— Zach Braff

106. “People ask me, ‘Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?’ I always tell them that there’s nothing on earth better than being famous.”

— Zach Braff

107. “The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.”

— Zach Braff

108. “I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I’m Jewish, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.”

— Zach Braff

109. “I’m sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It’s false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.”

— Zach Braff

110. “You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.”

— Zach Braff

111. “I’m hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it.”

— Zach Braff

112. “I don’t care about image and all that nonsense. I’m in sweat pants every day. I don’t play the game at all.”

— Zach Braff

113. “I’m pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I’ve never seen it. Have you? I didn’t think so.”

— Zach Braff

114. “I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.”

— Zach Braff

115. “Well I don’t like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I’m gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs.”

— Zach Braff

116. “I’m kind of jealous of the life I’m supposedly leading.”

— Zach Braff

117. “I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.”

— Zach Braff

118. “I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I’m not going to turn around and report them.”

— Zach Braff

119. “It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I’m not some whiny loser punk, I’m a man’s man.”

— Zach Braff

120. “Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.”

— Zach Braff

121. “I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league – I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you’re interested.”

— Zach Braff

122. “I don’t like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do.”

— Zach Braff

123. “I wouldn’t call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine.”

— Zach Braff

124. “I think I suffer from some mild depression.”

— Zach Braff

125. “I always encourage over-tipping if you can afford it because share the wealth.”

— Zach Braff

126. “The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way.”

— Zach Braff

127. “I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I’m totally not, I’m just better than everybody else.”

— Zach Braff

128. “After all meat is meat. I don’t understand why so many people are bithing about it. It’s very healthy and contains lots of vitamins.”

— Zach Braff

129. “I wouldn’t say I’m bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I’d say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.”

— Zach Braff

130. “When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.”

— Zach Braff

131. “I’m not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.”

— Zach Braff

132. “One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called ‘Zach Braff’ and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don’t want that on my conscience.”

— Zach Braff

133. “Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I’m awesome.”

— Zach Braff

134. “I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.”

— Zach Braff

135. “I want to take piano lessons, I want to study at university, I want to travel, I want to do other parts, make another movie.”

— Zach Braff

136. “When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.”

— Zach Braff

137. “At first, I didn’t really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter.”

— Zach Braff

138. “Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter.”

— Zach Braff

139. “They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.”

— Zach Braff

140. “I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?”

— Zach Braff

141. “I really couldn’t say how famous I really am, that’s for the history books to decide. But I’ll probably be pretty up there.”

— Zach Braff

142. “I love ‘Scrubs.’ It’s the best day job in the world.”

— Zach Braff

143. “A child’s death is really of less value than an adult’s. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that’s not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.”

— Zach Braff

144. “It’s just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!”

— Zach Braff

145. “Working on ‘Scrubs’ made me feel guilty because I realized that if I had decided to become an actual doctor, instead of just playing one, I could probably have found a cure to cancer within five years.”

— Zach Braff

146. “People still make New Year’s resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.”

— Zach Braff

147. “Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They’re probably still hanging there.”

— Zach Braff

148. “Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you’re racist.”

— Zach Braff

149. “That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song...”

— Zach Braff

150. “I just don’t see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?”

— Zach Braff