Top 250 Zach Braff Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You’ll get quite an evil eye if you don’t leave a tip at the bar.”

— Zach Braff

152. “If it were up to me, it’d be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that’s how it should stay!”

— Zach Braff

153. “When you’re the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there’s no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.”

— Zach Braff

154. “My mother’s a psychologist, my stepfather’s a psychologist, my stepmother is a therapist and my dad’s a lawyer. So it was all prominent in my life. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know someone on some form of prescription medicine.”

— Zach Braff

155. “Of course I don’t use my A-material, it doesn’t matter if they think I’m funny or not because they won’t be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.”

— Zach Braff

156. “I really don’t know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It’s not like they’re the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We’re the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don’t see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.”

— Zach Braff

157. “Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you’re racist.”

— Zach Braff

158. “That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song...”

— Zach Braff

159. “I just don’t see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?”

— Zach Braff

160. “I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.”

— Zach Braff

161. “I think in a play it’s wise to just sit back and watch other actors and be able to shape it from the audience.”

— Zach Braff

162. “Yeah, I’ve banged some female costars. I swore I’d never tell their names, so instead I’ll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.”

— Zach Braff

163. “I’m by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I’ve seen it save a lot of people’s lives.”

— Zach Braff

164. “If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn’t send me here just once.”

— Zach Braff

165. “Im just not really attracted to black chicks.”

— Zach Braff

166. “If we’ve learned anything, it’s that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.”

— Zach Braff

167. “I have no desire to make money off musicians. I just want to promote them because I want to share music.”

— Zach Braff

168. “People keep asking me whether I’m going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I’m like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.”

— Zach Braff

169. “Some people just can’t handle that they will never be a better actor than me.”

— Zach Braff

170. “The success of ‘Scrubs’ allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater.”

— Zach Braff

171. “Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.”

— Zach Braff

172. “Over half a century on and they’re still complaining about it. Compare it to the fact that Garden State didn’t win an Oscar and they seem a little petty if you ask me. I guess that just goes to show what kind of people they really are.”

— Zach Braff

173. “It’s trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture.”

— Zach Braff

174. “One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I’m a doctor on TV. I’m also a real doctor. But I’m also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.”

— Zach Braff

175. “It’s hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.”

— Zach Braff

176. “One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn’t need to be rude.”

— Zach Braff

177. “I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh.”

— Zach Braff

178. “I know every politician spins the truth a little.”

— Zach Braff

179. “Prohibition didn’t work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.”

— Zach Braff

180. “Now, I’m not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I’ll be quite clear. I’ve never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have had the right idea. Try to turn that one against me.”

— Zach Braff

181. “Its not that I’m in love with myself, I’m just trying to pick up everyone else’s slack.”

— Zach Braff

182. “I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.”

— Zach Braff

183. “So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don’t see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.”

— Zach Braff

184. “I think they’re bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.”

— Zach Braff

185. “I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.”

— Zach Braff

186. “Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn’t they just swim to safety?”

— Zach Braff

187. “Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.”

— Zach Braff

188. “I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging.”

— Zach Braff

189. “The Jews are just clumsy bakers.”

— Zach Braff

190. “I am really driven, but my drive doesn’t effect the conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities.”

— Zach Braff

191. “You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it’s really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn’t comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.”

— Zach Braff

192. “Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like.”

— Zach Braff

193. “I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.”

— Zach Braff

194. “I was originally set to star in ‘The Bourne Identity,’ but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.”

— Zach Braff

195. “A kid came up to me the other day and said, ‘Hey, you’re the guy on Scrubs!’ Kid, I am Scrubs, and don’t you forget it.”

— Zach Braff

196. “You don’t need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads’ll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I’ll kill all of them.”

— Zach Braff

197. “It’s really hard to find parts that challenge me as an actor these days. At this point in my career, I feel like I can just sleepwalk through most of my roles and still do a better job than 90 percent of the actors out there.”

— Zach Braff

198. “I mean, nobody’s ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we’re all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.”

— Zach Braff

199. “I mean, what’s eleven million people now days?”

— Zach Braff

200. “I mean, I’m a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?”

— Zach Braff