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Top 500 Ambrose Bierce Quotes (2026 Update)
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Ambrose Bierce Quote: “GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.”

451. “GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.”

452. “INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.”

453. “CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one’s competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob’s-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.”

454. “NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one’s competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob’s-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.”

455. “While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.”

456. “MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.”

457. “SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.”

458. “CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A man is known by the company he organizes.”

459. “A man is known by the company he organizes.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.”

460. “OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.”

461. “Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, “Homo ventrambulans”.”

462. “RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, “Homo ventrambulans”.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “He laughs best who laughs least.”

463. “He laughs best who laughs least.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “He had power only to feel, and feeling was torment.”

464. “He had power only to feel, and feeling was torment.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.”

465. “PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Genealogy, n. An account of one’s descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.”

466. “Genealogy, n. An account of one’s descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.”

467. “RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.”

468. “Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “TABLE D’HOTE, n. A caterer’s thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.”

469. “TABLE D’HOTE, n. A caterer’s thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.”

470. “SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Featured in: Strong Quotes

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman’s name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.”

471. “QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman’s name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.”

472. “Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.”

473. “Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.”

474. “True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that – stone walls do not a prison make.”

475. “PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that – stone walls do not a prison make.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.”

476. “MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom – and of whom only – it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.”

477. “PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom – and of whom only – it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and humor in slang.”

478. “READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and humor in slang.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Featured in: Reading Quotes, Quotes About Stories, Country Quotes

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.”

479. “Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.”

480. “PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.”

481. “Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead – a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.”

482. “DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead – a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Cannon: An instrument used in the rectification of national boundaries.”

483. “Cannon: An instrument used in the rectification of national boundaries.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.”

484. “YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman’s adoration.”

485. “MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman’s adoration.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven’s best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg “pate”.”

486. “LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven’s best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg “pate”.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman’s heart.”

487. “In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman’s heart.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”

488. “Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a “crowned head,” although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.”

489. “KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a “crowned head,” although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs.”

490. “FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.”

491. “The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.”

492. “RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.”

493. “RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.”

494. “RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology’s noblest contribution to the development of our language.”

495. “MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology’s noblest contribution to the development of our language.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.”

496. “UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.”

497. “Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Grief is an artist of powers as various as the instruments upon which he plays his dirges for the dead, evoking from some the sharpest, shrillest notes, from others the low, grave chords that throb recurrent like the slow beating of a distant drum. Some natures it startles; some it stupefies. To one it comes like the stroke of an arrow, stinging all the sensibilities to a keener life; to another as the blow of a bludgeon, which in crushing benumbs.”

498. “Grief is an artist of powers as various as the instruments upon which he plays his dirges for the dead, evoking from some the sharpest, shrillest notes, from others the low, grave chords that throb recurrent like the slow beating of a distant drum. Some natures it startles; some it stupefies. To one it comes like the stroke of an arrow, stinging all the sensibilities to a keener life; to another as the blow of a bludgeon, which in crushing benumbs.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.”

499. “The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid’s belief in the virtue of maids.”

500. “RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid’s belief in the virtue of maids.”

— Ambrose Bierce

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