Top 500 Ambrose Bierce Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.”

— Ambrose Bierce

202. “Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.”

— Ambrose Bierce

203. “LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.”

— Ambrose Bierce

204. “THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.”

— Ambrose Bierce

205. “Woman absent is woman dead.”

— Ambrose Bierce

206. “LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.”

— Ambrose Bierce

207. “Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

— Ambrose Bierce

208. “DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.”

— Ambrose Bierce

209. “Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting.”

— Ambrose Bierce

210. “PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous.”

— Ambrose Bierce

211. “Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.”

— Ambrose Bierce

212. “You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.”

— Ambrose Bierce

213. “The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart; to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.”

— Ambrose Bierce

214. “EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.”

— Ambrose Bierce

215. “Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

— Ambrose Bierce

216. “Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.”

— Ambrose Bierce

217. “Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.”

— Ambrose Bierce

218. “ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.”

— Ambrose Bierce

219. “REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.”

— Ambrose Bierce

220. “REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.”

— Ambrose Bierce

221. “I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.”

— Ambrose Bierce

222. “Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.”

— Ambrose Bierce

223. “REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.”

— Ambrose Bierce

224. “When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.”

— Ambrose Bierce

225. “PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one’s credibility for future delivery.”

— Ambrose Bierce

226. “REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.”

— Ambrose Bierce

227. “MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government.”

— Ambrose Bierce

228. “The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.”

— Ambrose Bierce

229. “From childhood to youth is eternity, from youth to manhood, a season. Age comes in a night and is incredible.”

— Ambrose Bierce

230. “OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one’s environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.”

— Ambrose Bierce

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231. “The tendency to lie is one thing; lying is another.”

— Ambrose Bierce

232. “IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.”

— Ambrose Bierce

233. “An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.”

— Ambrose Bierce

234. “In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.”

— Ambrose Bierce

235. “CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance – against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.”

— Ambrose Bierce

236. “Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.”

— Ambrose Bierce

237. “When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.”

— Ambrose Bierce

238. “An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.”

— Ambrose Bierce

239. “MUMMY, n. – an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.”

— Ambrose Bierce

240. “Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.”

— Ambrose Bierce

241. “POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.”

— Ambrose Bierce

242. “Let the red dawn surmise What we shall do, When this blue starlight dies And all is through.”

— Ambrose Bierce

243. “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.”

— Ambrose Bierce

244. “Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire.”

— Ambrose Bierce

245. “CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”

— Ambrose Bierce

246. “Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”

— Ambrose Bierce

247. “MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.”

— Ambrose Bierce

248. “Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”

— Ambrose Bierce

249. “Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.”

— Ambrose Bierce

250. “Inexpedient: Not calculated to advance one’s interests.”

— Ambrose Bierce