Top 500 Ambrose Bierce Quotes (2026 Update)
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351. “Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.”

— Ambrose Bierce

352. “Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.”

— Ambrose Bierce

353. “UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.”

— Ambrose Bierce

354. “Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government.”

— Ambrose Bierce

355. “DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.”

— Ambrose Bierce

356. “Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.”

— Ambrose Bierce

357. “MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.”

— Ambrose Bierce

358. “CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.”

— Ambrose Bierce

359. “PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.”

— Ambrose Bierce

360. “Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.”

— Ambrose Bierce

361. “A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.”

— Ambrose Bierce

362. “PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.”

— Ambrose Bierce

363. “An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.”

— Ambrose Bierce

364. “An army’s bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.”

— Ambrose Bierce

365. “WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ’s tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.”

— Ambrose Bierce

366. “A penny saved is a penny to squander.”

— Ambrose Bierce

367. “Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.”

— Ambrose Bierce

368. “FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London.”

— Ambrose Bierce

369. “O God! what a thing it is to be a ghost, cowering and shivering in an altered world, a prey to apprehension and despair!”

— Ambrose Bierce

370. “LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.”

— Ambrose Bierce

371. “A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.”

— Ambrose Bierce

372. “ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.”

— Ambrose Bierce

373. “To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.”

— Ambrose Bierce

374. “Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.”

— Ambrose Bierce

375. “Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.”

— Ambrose Bierce

376. “Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.”

— Ambrose Bierce

377. “To the eye of failure success is an accident.”

— Ambrose Bierce

378. “LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem – a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.”

— Ambrose Bierce

379. “ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.”

— Ambrose Bierce

380. “Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.”

— Ambrose Bierce

381. “CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of ‘Cogito ergo sum’ to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved ‘Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum’ ‘I think that I think, therefore I think that I am’ as close an approach.”

— Ambrose Bierce

382. “Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.”

— Ambrose Bierce

383. “RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.”

— Ambrose Bierce

384. “DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.”

— Ambrose Bierce

385. “EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.”

— Ambrose Bierce

386. “Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch – as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.”

— Ambrose Bierce

387. “DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one’s life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.”

— Ambrose Bierce

388. “IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.”

— Ambrose Bierce

389. “NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.”

— Ambrose Bierce

390. “A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.”

— Ambrose Bierce

391. “CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: “The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.””

— Ambrose Bierce

Featured in: Strong Quotes

392. “NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning – which is a phenomenon.”

— Ambrose Bierce

393. “Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.”

— Ambrose Bierce

394. “UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.”

— Ambrose Bierce

395. “Book – Learning : The dunce’s derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.”

— Ambrose Bierce

396. “The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.”

— Ambrose Bierce

397. “Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.”

— Ambrose Bierce

398. “FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar’s nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.”

— Ambrose Bierce

399. “QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.”

— Ambrose Bierce

400. “Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.”

— Ambrose Bierce