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Top 500 Ambrose Bierce Quotes (2024 Update)
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Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ’s tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A penny saved is a penny to squander.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Book – Learning : The dunce’s derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one’s life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem – a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame’s eternal dumping ground.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “To the eye of failure success is an accident.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch – as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Botany, n. The science of vegetables – those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “AMATEUR, n. A public nuisance who mistakes taste for skill, and confounds his ambition with his ability.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Historian – a broad-gauge gossip.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RIMER, n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.”
Ambrose Bierce Quote: “CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: “The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.””
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