Top 500 Ambrose Bierce Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “TRUCE, n. Friendship.”

— Ambrose Bierce

52. “Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.”

— Ambrose Bierce

53. “Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”

— Ambrose Bierce

54. “Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

— Ambrose Bierce

55. “TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Featured in: Quotes About Greed

56. “Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.”

— Ambrose Bierce

57. “You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest.”

— Ambrose Bierce

58. “Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.”

— Ambrose Bierce

59. “ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.”

— Ambrose Bierce

60. “Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.”

— Ambrose Bierce

61. “What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Featured in: Country Quotes

62. “RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.”

— Ambrose Bierce

63. “REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.”

— Ambrose Bierce

64. “Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.”

— Ambrose Bierce

65. “Good-bye – if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.”

— Ambrose Bierce

66. “Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.”

— Ambrose Bierce

67. “Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.”

— Ambrose Bierce

68. “Lawyer – One skilled in the circumvention of the law.”

— Ambrose Bierce

69. “Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

— Ambrose Bierce

70. “Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

— Ambrose Bierce

71. “A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can’t let go.”

— Ambrose Bierce

72. “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

— Ambrose Bierce

73. “Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.”

— Ambrose Bierce

74. “When in Rome, do as Rome does.”

— Ambrose Bierce

75. “Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.”

— Ambrose Bierce

76. “MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.”

— Ambrose Bierce

77. “Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.”

— Ambrose Bierce

78. “Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

— Ambrose Bierce

79. “Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure.”

— Ambrose Bierce

80. “Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.”

— Ambrose Bierce

81. “BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.”

— Ambrose Bierce

82. “Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.”

— Ambrose Bierce

83. “An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.”

— Ambrose Bierce

84. “At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.”

— Ambrose Bierce

85. “Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

— Ambrose Bierce

86. “Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.”

— Ambrose Bierce

87. “A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.”

— Ambrose Bierce

88. “Genius – to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.”

— Ambrose Bierce

89. “Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”

— Ambrose Bierce

90. “Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

— Ambrose Bierce

Featured in: Country Quotes

91. “Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world.”

— Ambrose Bierce

92. “LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.”

— Ambrose Bierce

93. “Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.”

— Ambrose Bierce

94. “PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.”

— Ambrose Bierce

95. “MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.”

— Ambrose Bierce

96. “God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.”

— Ambrose Bierce

97. “He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.”

— Ambrose Bierce

98. “One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.”

— Ambrose Bierce

99. “A rabbit’s foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.”

— Ambrose Bierce

100. “Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.”

— Ambrose Bierce