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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

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Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

— Ambrose Bierce



Ambrose Bierce Quote: “There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.”

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.”

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.”

Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.”

Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupil’s objections. A needless precaution – they knew no more of the matter than he.”

PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupil’s objections. A needless precaution – they knew no more of the matter than he.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.”

If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.”

A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “NIRVANA- In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.”

NIRVANA- In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Doubt is the father of invention.”

Doubt is the father of invention.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.”

Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.”

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.”

What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager.”

Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Congratulations is the civility of envy.”

Congratulations is the civility of envy.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.”

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.”

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.”

PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A lottery is a tax on stupidity.”

A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.”

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.”

HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.”

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.”

Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.”

Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.”

ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.”

Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.”

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.”

RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.”

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.”

PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.”

Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure.”

Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.”

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum – “I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;” as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.”

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum – “I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;” as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “When you doubt, abstain.”

When you doubt, abstain.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.”

At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.”

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.”

IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.”

A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.”

PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

— Ambrose Bierce


Ambrose Bierce Quote: “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

— Ambrose Bierce

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