Top 350 Chris Colfer Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “As their friends fought the gingerbread soldiers, Jack and Goldilocks saw Rat Mary and Hero on the other side of the lawn. The couple moved through the soldiers in the direction of their son, slicing through them as if they were overgrown weeds. Bree seemed to be enjoying the fight; she giggled as she swung the licorice whip around her like a lion tamer.”

— Chris Colfer

302. “Everyone remain calm,” Lucy whispered to her frightened classmates. “Trolls are incredibly stupid creatures – they’ve got sight like eyeless skunks, and hearing like earless rabbits. If we stay still and silent, they won’t even know we’re here.” The students and apprentices followed Lucy’s advice and stood as still as possible. “Actually, our vision is perfect and our hearing is flawless,” the chief growled. “Dang it,” Lucy muttered. “I was thinking of gophers.”

— Chris Colfer

303. “The girls dashed to the exit, but as soon as they reached the double doors, they came to an abrupt halt – the library was surrounded by the Army of the Dead! Brystal and Lucy were trapped! Once the girls were spotted, the dead soldiers charged inside.”

— Chris Colfer

304. “I can’t believe my little boy is going to be a Deputy Justice,” Mrs. Evergreen said through happy tears. “It feels like only yesterday you were wearing my long shirts and sentencing your toys to hard labor in the backyard. My, how time flies!” “I am so proud of you, son,” Justice Evergreen said.”

— Chris Colfer

305. “Explorers are quick to claim the places they find, but they don’t.”

— Chris Colfer

306. “Mother Goose was confused. She was trying to convince Arthur to get over Alex and move on with his life, not to get over his life and move on with Alex. She had no idea how her advice could have backfired so easily.”

— Chris Colfer

307. “We did not get along at first,” Dr. Mitchell said. “She pushed me harder than anyone ever had. She gave me extra homework and made me stay after school and read aloud to her. At one point, I was so tired of the special treatment, I threatened to graffiti her house if it didn’t stop. The next day she handed me a can of spray paint and a card with her address and said, “Whatever you write, just make sure it’s spelled correctly.”

— Chris Colfer

308. “In truth, the leaders were delighted their people had something besides government to direct their anger toward.”

— Chris Colfer

309. “Two hundred years,” Conner said. “Everyone you know and love is dead.” “What?”

— Chris Colfer

310. “Her ego was out of control! It blinded her judgement, making her vulnerable in ways she didn’t think were possible. In the end, a couple of snarky comments from a teenage girl defeated her. I saw it happen! Sticks and stones didn’t break her bones. It was words that hurt her!”

— Chris Colfer

311. “I’ll be right back,” Bolt said. “I’ve got some monkey business to take care of!” His brothers and sister groaned. “Annnnnd you lost me,” Blaze said. “Less is more,” Morph said.”

— Chris Colfer

312. “Only tears of the damned can soothe the eyes of the cursed.”

— Chris Colfer

313. “Fascinating, isn’t it? I believe the most extraordinary ideas come from children,” the queen said. “If only we all could be so perceptive, we would find the simplest solutions to the greatest problems are right under our noses.”

— Chris Colfer

314. “I never meant to write a romance,” Conner said. “I just thought Jack and Goldilocks had a really cool story. Everyone wants to be a hero, but Jack gave it up to be with the person he loved. He didn’t care what people thought of him – Goldilocks was more important to him than his reputation. It takes courage to face a giant, but it takes a true hero to stand up to the world. I guess I wanted to celebrate that by putting it into my own story.”

— Chris Colfer

315. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of letting people use my emotions to control me. So from now on, we’re going to starve whatever misery they try to cause us. We’re going to fight loneliness with friendship, we’re going to fight anger with gratitude, and we’re going to fight fear with hope. Because as long as we keep fighting, and as long as we keep our hope alive- the Brotherhood won’t stand a chance.”

— Chris Colfer

316. “That is the last time you will ever lay hands on me,” Brystal said. “And don’t you dare address me as daughter. You’re no father of mine.”

— Chris Colfer

317. “The world has advanced in so many ways, but it’s still so stuck when it comes to people like me. And the world can be a really lonely place when you’re not allowed to love.”

— Chris Colfer

318. “Grandma sent you an angel moth from outer space?”

— Chris Colfer

319. “Mother Goose shrugged. “I have such a way with words, even I’m not sure what I said.”

— Chris Colfer

320. “I had to come up with a good excuse for why you had been gone for two weeks and thought ‘traveling in another dimension’ would probably raise a few eyebrows.”

— Chris Colfer

321. “Conner and Goldilocks picked up candy cane swords, Jack took a lollipop axe, Bree chose a licorice whip, and although she had no idea what they were, Red selected gummy bear nunchakus.”

— Chris Colfer

322. “She’s not sailing with a full set of sails, is she?” the captain asked.”

— Chris Colfer

323. “I would rather see my daughter rot in jail than turn her over to the likes of you!” he shouted.”

— Chris Colfer

324. “It has ten limbs and three tails,” Alex noted. “That’s thirteen appendages – why would you name it a polycrab? Poly means seven.”

— Chris Colfer

325. “Respectfully, Dr. States, I eat the impossible for breakfast,” Brystal said.”

— Chris Colfer

326. “Love is wonderful, magical, and beautiful, but it can also be maddening, damaging, and dangerous,” she said. “It blinds us more than anything. It makes us selfish, it makes us feel like nothing else matters, and it tricks us into thinking the rest of the world doesn’t exist – but it does exist. Whether you’re on the high or low side of love, the world always moves on.”

— Chris Colfer

327. “I got this delicious bottle of perfume called Fabreze.”

— Chris Colfer

328. “It took me decades to convince my kingdom that potatoes aren’t poisonous – and people still avoid them in the markets!”

— Chris Colfer

329. “Well, do you remember the part when we got shot out of the sky? Do you remember that feeling in the pit of your stomach as the ship plummeted toward the earth at hundreds of miles per hour toward a most certain death? That’s what fatherhood is like.” Froggy gulped. “Lovely.”

— Chris Colfer

330. “Only in absolute silence could he simply exist and not be reminded of who and what he was, or according to his critics, who and what he wasn’t. But finding a space that wasn’t dominated by the commotion of a television set, the rapid clicks of paparazzi cameras, or the murmuring of a hungry crowd was very rare.”

— Chris Colfer

331. “I had to lose it to realize just how valuable it is.”

— Chris Colfer

332. “Have your thoughts and feelings been unexplainably negative? Have you been distancing yourself from the people you love? Has every problem seemed impossible to solve? Has your self-confidence been replaced by self-hate and self-scrutiny? Have you convinced yourself that you’re nothing but a failure and that the world would be better off without you?”

— Chris Colfer

333. “It feels just like the time we joined Christopher Columbus’s ship thinking it was a Mediterranean cruise.”

— Chris Colfer

334. “Sorry, Conner, I can’t be your girlfriend,” Bree said. All the color drained from Conner’s face, and he did his best not to look disappointed. “That’s-totally-fine-no-worries-I’m-super-okay-with-staying-friends,” he said without pausing between words. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Bree said. “I just know that as soon as I get home I’m going to be grounded for months. But once I’m free, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

— Chris Colfer

335. “The taller you stand, the less weight you fell. Don’t ever let anything break your spirit.”

— Chris Colfer

336. “The Vengeance’s sides and bow were covered in metal spikes, making it resemble a large floating cactus.”

— Chris Colfer

337. “The actors fell to the floor and acted out dramatic death scenes. Tootles’s performance was much simpler than Robin Hood’s, who convulsed around the stage for almost five minutes before he lay still.”

— Chris Colfer

338. “I know we have a lot to worry about right now, but taking one afternoon off isn’t going to make anything worse. All our problems will be waiting for you when you get back.”

— Chris Colfer

339. “Are you comparing an innocent race of people to potatoes, sir?”

— Chris Colfer

340. “It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect yourself to solve every problem in the world.”

— Chris Colfer

341. “Well, that’ll put a monkey wrench in their day!”

— Chris Colfer

342. “The world knows and loves me for a quality I used to hide and hate myself for,” she said. “And even though I know I have nothing to fear or be ashamed of, deep down, I’m still carrying that fear and shame with me. Somewhere along the line, I got so busy changing the world I forgot to change myself with it. And now I think those old feelings are starting to play tricks on me.”

— Chris Colfer

343. “The trust ‘is’ our there.” Diane corrected him. “But who wants the truth when they have something ‘better’ ti believe in? And with the world in the shape that’s in, who could blame them?”

— Chris Colfer

344. “Jealousy is just a reminder of the frustrations you have with yourself. Who has time to only concentrate on that?”

— Chris Colfer

345. “She never imagined she would end the day with the future king himself, or that he might be someone worth staying for.”

— Chris Colfer

346. “Think of all the time you spent hating yourself! Think of all the days you lived in fear of being discovered! Think of all the people who told you it was wrong to be who you are! Think of how badly you wanted to change into someone else!”

— Chris Colfer

347. “It’d be nice if they needed their mother once in a while. Maybe I’d get to see them more often.”

— Chris Colfer

348. “Who we are on the playground is who we are in life, and I’m done being a seeker. If someone wants to be my Troblin King, he’s just gonna have to find ME.”

— Chris Colfer

349. “There were many portraits of Queen Red hung around the library, but an especially large painting was hung over the fireplace of Red reading a book in one of the armchairs. The twins had to do a double take, because just below the portrait was the real Queen Red Riding Hood seated in an armchair reading a book in the identical position as in the portrait.”

— Chris Colfer

350. “I would like to take a moment to reiterate this: My mother sent her only daughter into the woods alone in the midst of wolf attacks and a revolution!”

— Chris Colfer