Top 350 Chris Colfer Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “Sorry, Conner, I can’t be your girlfriend,” Bree said. All the color drained from Conner’s face, and he did his best not to look disappointed. “That’s-totally-fine-no-worries-I’m-super-okay-with-staying-friends,” he said without pausing between words. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Bree said. “I just know that as soon as I get home I’m going to be grounded for months. But once I’m free, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

— Chris Colfer

302. “The taller you stand, the less weight you fell. Don’t ever let anything break your spirit.”

— Chris Colfer

303. “The Vengeance’s sides and bow were covered in metal spikes, making it resemble a large floating cactus.”

— Chris Colfer

304. “The actors fell to the floor and acted out dramatic death scenes. Tootles’s performance was much simpler than Robin Hood’s, who convulsed around the stage for almost five minutes before he lay still.”

— Chris Colfer

305. “I know we have a lot to worry about right now, but taking one afternoon off isn’t going to make anything worse. All our problems will be waiting for you when you get back.”

— Chris Colfer

306. “Are you comparing an innocent race of people to potatoes, sir?”

— Chris Colfer

307. “It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect yourself to solve every problem in the world.”

— Chris Colfer

308. “Well, that’ll put a monkey wrench in their day!”

— Chris Colfer

309. “The world knows and loves me for a quality I used to hide and hate myself for,” she said. “And even though I know I have nothing to fear or be ashamed of, deep down, I’m still carrying that fear and shame with me. Somewhere along the line, I got so busy changing the world I forgot to change myself with it. And now I think those old feelings are starting to play tricks on me.”

— Chris Colfer

310. “The trust ‘is’ our there.” Diane corrected him. “But who wants the truth when they have something ‘better’ ti believe in? And with the world in the shape that’s in, who could blame them?”

— Chris Colfer

311. “Jealousy is just a reminder of the frustrations you have with yourself. Who has time to only concentrate on that?”

— Chris Colfer

312. “She never imagined she would end the day with the future king himself, or that he might be someone worth staying for.”

— Chris Colfer

313. “Think of all the time you spent hating yourself! Think of all the days you lived in fear of being discovered! Think of all the people who told you it was wrong to be who you are! Think of how badly you wanted to change into someone else!”

— Chris Colfer

314. “It’d be nice if they needed their mother once in a while. Maybe I’d get to see them more often.”

— Chris Colfer

315. “Who we are on the playground is who we are in life, and I’m done being a seeker. If someone wants to be my Troblin King, he’s just gonna have to find ME.”

— Chris Colfer

316. “There were many portraits of Queen Red hung around the library, but an especially large painting was hung over the fireplace of Red reading a book in one of the armchairs. The twins had to do a double take, because just below the portrait was the real Queen Red Riding Hood seated in an armchair reading a book in the identical position as in the portrait.”

— Chris Colfer

317. “I would like to take a moment to reiterate this: My mother sent her only daughter into the woods alone in the midst of wolf attacks and a revolution!”

— Chris Colfer

318. “I had 12 of my favorite portraits of me hung so we would have something pleasant to look at while we ate.”

— Chris Colfer

319. “He looked around at the world of the Ziblings as if he were seeing his own story for the first time.”

— Chris Colfer

320. “The approving roar was so loud it actually knocked a man off the windowsill he sat on.”

— Chris Colfer

321. “That would be far easier than convincing a stubborn world to change its ways.”

— Chris Colfer

322. “I had to tell the school you both had chicken pox,” Charlotte, the twins’ mother, said. “I had to come up with a good excuse for why you had been gone for two weeks and thought ‘traveling in another dimension’ would probably raise a few eyebrows.”

— Chris Colfer

323. “Science 101,” Bolt said. “Nothing helps electricity move faster than metal, and you just sent your entire entourage into a steel structure.”

— Chris Colfer

324. “She remembered all the nights she had cried herself to sleep, all the days she had lived in fear, and all the nightmares in between. She remembered the angst of wanting a better life, the pain of unanswered prayers, and the suffocation of feeling stuck.”

— Chris Colfer

325. “Think about the night your father died!”

— Chris Colfer

326. “It’s an honor to meet you,” Auburn Sally told them. “You have very crafty children.” “Tell me about it,” Charlotte said.”

— Chris Colfer

327. “By the way, who is naming these people? Snow White is not a name, that’s a description! Cinderella is just cruel and Rapunzel sounds like something that happens to fruit when it’s left in the sun. Do famous people name their kids ridiculous things.”

— Chris Colfer

328. “How do we get there?” Auburn Sally asked. “I hope it’s not by sailing in circles to the left.”

— Chris Colfer

329. “You know things are dull when the dead start wondering off.”

— Chris Colfer

330. “The dream came true,” Grandma said. “And it had nothing to do with us. After years and years of being inspired by other dreamers, that person made their own dream come true and probably inspired countless others to do the same. We wouldn’t want to want to live in a world where no one believed in themselves enough to make their own dreams come true.”

— Chris Colfer

331. “A very wise man once told me that ‘courage is what makes a superhero super,’” Conner said. “He never said anything about succeeding.”

— Chris Colfer

332. “The tigers on the ground dropped their jaws in unison. They had never seen their lunch float away in a giant balloon before.”

— Chris Colfer

333. “Paper came from trees, cars ran on gasoline, and caffeine was legal. It was practically the Dark Ages.”

— Chris Colfer

334. “Conner gave Alex a dirty look.”

— Chris Colfer

335. “Is that the giant’s castle?” Alex asked. “I’m assuming,” Conner said. “Unless Mary Poppins moved into the neighborhood.”

— Chris Colfer

336. “The Rosary Chicken hadn’t moved from the deck of the Dolly Llama since the battle began, but as she watched the helpless fairy fall to her death, the chicken knew this was her moment to contribute. The Rosary Chicken plunged toward the jar, but just as she clutched the jar’s handle with her beak, the chicken suddenly remembered she couldn’t fly!”

— Chris Colfer

337. “There’s so much to be happy about, but lately, my mind only focuses on the bad stuff. There’s a voice in my head that constantly reminds me of my failures and gives me reasons to fear the future. Every effort feels pointless, every accomplishment feels temporary, and every bump in the road feels like the end of the world. No matter what I do, I can’t get it to stop. I’m worried I’m going to be miserable forever!”

— Chris Colfer

338. “It’s very important a monarch never reveal a pebble in their shoe, for their enemies may turn it into a boulder!”

— Chris Colfer

339. “She wasn’t going to waste any more time living in fear. She wasn’t going to spend another ounce of energy worrying. She was done with waiting and hoping.”

— Chris Colfer

340. “I’ve got a sixth sense for danger.”

— Chris Colfer

341. “I don’t want to be inconvenienced in exchange for happiness!”

— Chris Colfer

342. “Patience is for peasants!” the queen yelled. “Instant gratification is the only gratification for the powerful!”

— Chris Colfer

343. “Mothers get trained in how to deliver their children, how to care for and nurture them, how to develop their motor skills and self-esteem – but no one trains you in how to stop worrying about them!”

— Chris Colfer

344. “As their friends fought the gingerbread soldiers, Jack and Goldilocks saw Rat Mary and Hero on the other side of the lawn. The couple moved through the soldiers in the direction of their son, slicing through them as if they were overgrown weeds. Bree seemed to be enjoying the fight; she giggled as she swung the licorice whip around her like a lion tamer.”

— Chris Colfer

345. “Everyone remain calm,” Lucy whispered to her frightened classmates. “Trolls are incredibly stupid creatures – they’ve got sight like eyeless skunks, and hearing like earless rabbits. If we stay still and silent, they won’t even know we’re here.” The students and apprentices followed Lucy’s advice and stood as still as possible. “Actually, our vision is perfect and our hearing is flawless,” the chief growled. “Dang it,” Lucy muttered. “I was thinking of gophers.”

— Chris Colfer

346. “The girls dashed to the exit, but as soon as they reached the double doors, they came to an abrupt halt – the library was surrounded by the Army of the Dead! Brystal and Lucy were trapped! Once the girls were spotted, the dead soldiers charged inside.”

— Chris Colfer

347. “I can’t believe my little boy is going to be a Deputy Justice,” Mrs. Evergreen said through happy tears. “It feels like only yesterday you were wearing my long shirts and sentencing your toys to hard labor in the backyard. My, how time flies!” “I am so proud of you, son,” Justice Evergreen said.”

— Chris Colfer

348. “Explorers are quick to claim the places they find, but they don’t.”

— Chris Colfer

349. “Mother Goose was confused. She was trying to convince Arthur to get over Alex and move on with his life, not to get over his life and move on with Alex. She had no idea how her advice could have backfired so easily.”

— Chris Colfer

350. “We did not get along at first,” Dr. Mitchell said. “She pushed me harder than anyone ever had. She gave me extra homework and made me stay after school and read aloud to her. At one point, I was so tired of the special treatment, I threatened to graffiti her house if it didn’t stop. The next day she handed me a can of spray paint and a card with her address and said, “Whatever you write, just make sure it’s spelled correctly.”

— Chris Colfer