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Top 450 Daniel Handler Quotes (2023 Update)
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Daniel Handler Quote: “I can’t think of a story that doesn’t have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it’s dull. So when I embarked into the world of picture books, my first thought was to do something about the dark.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Love is candy from a stranger, but it’s candy you’ve had before and it probably won’t kill you.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn’t that be satisfying?”
Daniel Handler Quote: “In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Who can I complain to, if I don’t like the shape of the globe?”
Daniel Handler Quote: “We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Blinded following the Blindfolded.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I know all these facts about you and there is no longer any use for them.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I think we’ll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn’t want us to be miserable.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Waiting is one of life’s hardships.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I’m not very good at the accordion. If I played guitar, I wouldn’t be on anyone’s album. But because I play the accordion and no one else does, I end up doing strange things.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Well-read people are less likely to be evil.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Can’t we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “But the world did not match the picture in my head, and instead I was with a strange, uncombed person, overlooking a sea without water and a forest without trees.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are ridiculous.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “There are some who go through life with a shadow hanging over them, particularly if they live in a building which has long wide awnings.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the mystery that surrounds them.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I write storys to entertain not to be the best.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “This is how it is in life and love. In life and love we are with people for a while, and then we join other people, people we have not met, and we walk with them, and we leave behind all the things we used to be. Sometimes we leave people behind too... This happens everyday. Everyday this happens and scarcely anybody cares.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Various parts of my body told me that in the future they would appreciate it if I slept lying down on a bed instead of sitting at the counter of Black Cat Coffee. I quietly reassured them that this was an unusual situation, and had the machinery make me some bread as a breakfast.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It’s the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I am heartbroken, but I have been heartbroken before, and this might be the best for which I can hope.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I don’t know why wicked places generally look wicked. You’d think they’d look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “If you know somebody very well, like your grandmother or your baby sister, you will know when they are real and when they are fake.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Why haven’t we fixed sick yet? You scientists there – put down those starfish and HELP us. I hereby demand that all the people who are good at math make the world free of illness. The rest of us will write you epic poems and staple them together into a booklet.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you when he actually had several and simply wanted to see you get soaked.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “A passport, as I’m sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “There are secrets everywhere. I think everyone’s parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “If I were to say, “Yes, I am a fascinating, erudite person,” what would that say about me? I don’t know.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “The Long Goodbye’ is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous inspiration for ‘All The Wrong Questions’.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “The bus driver gave me a why-the-hell-aren’t-you-at-school look and I gave him a shut-up-you’re-a-bus-driver-so-bus-drive look right back.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “I was too jitterbuggy happy to sleep, and the whole day kept playing in my brain’s little screening room.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?”
Daniel Handler Quote: “There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “The last time I saw you, I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!”
Daniel Handler Quote: “The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drift near each other when we need a ride from someone or when someone needs us to wash our hands.”
Daniel Handler Quote: “Normally it is not polite to go into somebody’s room without knocking, but you can make an exception if the person is dead, or pretending to be dead.”
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