Top 450 Daniel Handler Quotes (2024 Update)
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301. “There are almost as many kinds of libraries as there are kinds of readers.”

— Daniel Handler

302. “I am so tired, I can hardly type these worfs.”

— Daniel Handler

303. “Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.”

— Daniel Handler

304. “It is often said that reading is a gift, but to my mind that is an insufficient description, for the size of the gift of reading is so vast that it is difficult to see what is outside its wrapping.”

— Daniel Handler

305. “Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.”

— Daniel Handler

306. “A good thing to do when one is sitting, eating, and resting is to have a conversation.”

— Daniel Handler

307. “It looked like something the Hemlock needed, or a piece of equipment a plumber had left behind. It looked like none of your business.”

— Daniel Handler

308. “I was so grateful that Lemony Snicket wasn’t the worst movie ever made that I overlooked many things that might have otherwise upset me.”

— Daniel Handler

309. “Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good.”

— Daniel Handler

310. “Make sure you have your own mask on, before helping others with theirs.”

— Daniel Handler

311. “Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word ‘mandatory’ means that if you don’t show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.”

— Daniel Handler

312. “The quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about to happen.”

— Daniel Handler

313. “Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection.”

— Daniel Handler

314. “Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.”

— Daniel Handler

315. “There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.”

— Daniel Handler

316. “Love makes the world go round, the hit songs collectively tell us, and the world is full of people you don’t know and might as well be nice to because they won’t leave.”

— Daniel Handler

317. “One of the world’s most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen’s younger, more attractive boyfriends.”

— Daniel Handler

318. “But just suddenly I really, really needed to see you again right that minute, that night.”

— Daniel Handler

319. “To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing left.”

— Daniel Handler

320. “And then like a song we’d forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.”

— Daniel Handler

321. “I find reading screenplays difficult, as they’re only a roadmap for what a movie might end up being.”

— Daniel Handler

322. “This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys.”

— Daniel Handler

323. “They say that when you’re really in love, the world becomes gossamer and gorgeous, but in my experience the world gets grimy, and the love object is in stark relief from the surroundings. This is love, a pretty thing on an ugly street.”

— Daniel Handler

324. “I think one of the reasons it ended was that his eyes never lit up for me the way they did for classical music. I realize that in the long run I may not be as wonderful as a Brahms symphony but I think I’m good for a Haydn quintet.”

— Daniel Handler

325. “The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, and large ornamental vases, too large to hold flowers and too small to hold spies.”

— Daniel Handler

326. “I’ve never had a musical career. So I think it’s been unaffected. I play the accordion. In terms of thinking of it as a musical career, I think it’s sort of like calling yourself an astronaut because you have a shiny suit.”

— Daniel Handler

327. “I like writing for movies. It’s nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it’s nice to be in a room with a bunch of people working on a movie.”

— Daniel Handler

328. “I was never a fan of anything, and yet some people are fans of my books. That’s a bit odd. But I like meeting them.”

— Daniel Handler

329. “I thought it was one thing but it was the other, it was zero zero zero alone on the bus while you slept in the room I had to leave, and that’s why we broke up.”

— Daniel Handler

330. “The library was one enormous room, with long, high metal shelves and the perfect quiet that libraries provide for anyone looking for an answer.”

— Daniel Handler

331. “You know, despite all my world-weariness and cynicism, I think I’ve always believed that there is one person in the universe for whom you are truly meant – and the fact that sometimes there are two or even more people on the earth you can fall in love with really bothers me. It suggests that if you work hard you can be meant for anyone.”

— Daniel Handler

332. “Everyone tells you it’s all right to cry, but not enough people say it’s all right if you don’t want people to know.”

— Daniel Handler

333. “She didn’t look like a girl who would ruin the whole thing at all.”

— Daniel Handler

334. “Forever and ever, world without end.”

— Daniel Handler

335. “If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.”

— Daniel Handler

336. “The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.”

— Daniel Handler

337. “Are you who I think you are?”

— Daniel Handler

338. “It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself.”

— Daniel Handler

339. “I have a dream of what would have happened if what happened instead hadn’t.”

— Daniel Handler

340. “She was all the world’s money, and I would spend it with her, my sharpest friend who changed the tide, my only comfort from the brutal gamble of the world and the wicked ways of men.”

— Daniel Handler

341. “It is one of life’s bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.”

— Daniel Handler

342. “There is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time.”

— Daniel Handler

343. “Once more, this is love: it rings and you open up unless it looks like an ax murderer.”

— Daniel Handler

344. “There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.”

— Daniel Handler

345. “Instead of the word ‘love’ there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.”

— Daniel Handler

346. “All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.”

— Daniel Handler

347. “If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.”

— Daniel Handler

348. “My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I’m sure you can understand, I didn’t feel any better about it.”

— Daniel Handler

349. “You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.”

— Daniel Handler

350. “The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wouldn’t have gotten it, Ed, I thought, watching her go. It’s why we broke up, so here it is. Ed, how could you?”

— Daniel Handler