Top 250 Derek Landy Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?”

— Derek Landy

102. “There is no heroism in war – there are simply things that need to be done.”

— Derek Landy

103. “What is it with you women? You come into out lives, you take everythin’! Throughtout the years you got little peces of me, of my very soul, and now? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even shave? – Billy-Ray Sanguine.”

— Derek Landy

104. “I’m not sure if I can emphasise this enough, but do not drop me.”

— Derek Landy

105. “What is a life?” Scapegrace continued. “Is life merely living? Is it having a heartbeat? Or is life the effect you have on others? Is it the effect you have on the world around you? If so, what have I done with mine? How have I wasted it?”

— Derek Landy

106. “Oh my God.” Valkyrie shook her head. “I need to sit down.” “You are sitting down.” “I need to sit down more.”

— Derek Landy

107. “I don’t like your tone.” “I don’t like your shoes.”

— Derek Landy

108. “I keep imagining that one of these days I’ll grow up and become someone who knows what they’re doing, but so far that hasn’t happened.”

— Derek Landy

109. “Well,” Skulduggery said, “purely to get this out of the way, I’ll just go ahead and say it. There does not seem to be any sign of a railway track on the carpet or, indeed, a train hiding behind the sofa. And I don’t think one could have fitted through the door.”

— Derek Landy

110. “Did you know he once lost a shopping centre? – Stephanie’s mum about her dad.”

— Derek Landy

111. “I was changing my head. It feels good to have the old one back on. And now I have a spare, which is nice.”

— Derek Landy

112. “You can punch me all you like,” he began and Skulduggery said, “Oh, good,” and hit him.”

— Derek Landy

113. “That’s the thing about redemption,” said Skulduggery. “If you’re looking for it, the chances are you’ll never find it.”

— Derek Landy

114. “And I won’t be needing a sword to kill you.” He strode towards Skulduggery, who raised his hand. “Um, since you’re not going to be using it, can I?”

— Derek Landy

115. “Has it occurred to you, after all these years together, that I just might not be flappable?”

— Derek Landy

116. “I just hate knocking on doors. I’m the same with making phone calls when I don’t know who’s going to answer. I’m just not very good socially.”

— Derek Landy

117. “You’ll know they’ve spotted us when they screech,” Skulduggery told her. The creatures screeched.”

— Derek Landy

118. “You’re not stealing anything, you’re not breaking anything, so I’d guess you’re Stephanie.”

— Derek Landy

119. “Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars.”

— Derek Landy

120. “Humanity is contagious.”

— Derek Landy

121. “If you don’t see me in five minutes, then I’ve probably died a brave and heroic death.”

— Derek Landy

122. “Your traumas have made you who you are, but they don’t define you. You can live with them, I have no doubt.”

— Derek Landy

123. “Have you ever heard the phrase, better to be bored than dead?”

— Derek Landy

124. “Sometimes it’s not what you say, Valkyrie, it’s just the fact that you’re saying it.”

— Derek Landy

125. “Suddenly Saracen Rue looked old and tired, and Skulduggery Pleasant came into focus as what he really was – a genius, a killer, a tortured soul, and the only true dead man among them.”

— Derek Landy

126. “So he has no head’ ‘Thats usually what headless means’ ‘No head at all?’ ‘Your really not getting the whole headless thing are you?’ ‘Its just kind of silly even for us...”

— Derek Landy

127. “Are you going to shoot me?? Vengeous sneered. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.’ And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.”

— Derek Landy

128. “There are three names for everyone. The name you’re born with, the name you’re given and the name you take.”

— Derek Landy

129. “I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.”

— Derek Landy

130. “Razzia: what is the time?” Razzia nodded. “Time is a social construct designed to derive order from chaos.”

— Derek Landy

131. “Mum, Dad, Fergus... this is Skulduggery Pleasant.”

— Derek Landy

132. “It’s a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride.”

— Derek Landy

133. “It always surprised Valkyrie whenever she realized just how close the weird and the wonderful, and the fierce and the frightening, lived to the rest pf the non-magical, mortal world.”

— Derek Landy

134. “Warlocks are dark sorcerers on a dark path. They eat the souls of their enemies to absorb their strength. I haven’t gone up against one of them in... a long time. I didn’t think there were any left. – Skulduggery.”

— Derek Landy

135. “Ghastly Bespoke’s opinions were not always right. It was his opinion, for example, that he could stand with his back to you and you wouldn’t stick a knife in it. How wrong he was.”

— Derek Landy

136. “He said he was Lord Vile. – Skulduggery.”

— Derek Landy

137. “Until next time,” Hansard said, “when hopefully, you won’t have my father’s vomit in your hair.”

— Derek Landy

138. “First rule of being a detective,′ the Doctor said a he knocked on the door, ’is to observe. Observe the obvious, and observe the not-so-obvious. Observing the not-so-obvious is not as easy as observing the obvious, but if it were easy everyone would be at it.”

— Derek Landy

139. “Scapegrace leaped up. “I am the Killer Supreme! I make murder into an art form!” Skulduggery hit him again and Scapegrace did a little twirl before falling.”

— Derek Landy

140. “Get away from my ex-girlfriend, you moany little whinge-bag. – Fletcher.”

— Derek Landy

141. “We’re all barbarians at our core. We’re all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I’m sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr Prave, is how loudly we roar. I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me? – China.”

— Derek Landy

142. “Skulduggery, you’re my best friend and I love you.”

— Derek Landy

143. “I cannot have chaos erupting around me until I am prepared for it. I am a collector. I am an observer. I don’t participate. My resources, and my standing, must be secure before I can allow the uncertainty of war to crash down upon us.”

— Derek Landy

144. “Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her father’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as he nodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverware when he thought no one was looking.”

— Derek Landy

145. “Honesty is, honestly, the best policy,” said Saracen. “But when honesty doesn’t work, lie, and lie convincingly.”

— Derek Landy

146. “Darquesse is the sorcerer who destroys the world,” Finbar said. “And I mean she levels it. I’ve seen cities flattened, like a nuke had gone off. Everything’s burning. I see little snippets as it happens. This woman in black... Mevolent was nothing compared to this kind of evil.”

— Derek Landy

147. “They’ve called me a great many things over the years, but my name is Nefarian Serpine.”

— Derek Landy

148. “I’m no hero,” said Scapegrace. “I’m just a man, who used to be a woman, who used to be a man. My name is Vaurien Scapegrace, and I have come here to –.”

— Derek Landy

149. “It’s not that I want you to go, it’s just that I don’t want you to stay.” – China Sorrows -.”

— Derek Landy

150. “Please forgive me,” Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger.”

— Derek Landy