Top 250 Derek Landy Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “Stephanie, we just want what you have. We want to have fun and we want to have powers and do exiting things. We’ve been talking, and we’ve decided that we want you to teach us magic. – Carol.”

— Derek Landy

202. “A lot of things aren’t wise, Melissa. Is crossing the road with your eyes closed wise? No, but I do it anyway.”

— Derek Landy

203. “He broke the first law of being a vampire when he killed his own kind. If he can’t stick to that simple rule, how safe do you think you are?”

— Derek Landy

204. “Do you remember what Crux said?” Scorn asked China. “I bet you do. He said that you handed Skulduggery Pleasant’s wife and child over to Nefarian Serpine. He said that you led them to their deaths... Blackmail is just an ugly, ungainly word, but these are ugly and ungainly times in which we live. You will do as I say, exactly as I say, or I will tell the Skeleton Detective your terrible, terrible secret. Do you agree to my terms?”

— Derek Landy

205. “Me? Stay out of trouble? Shouldn’t be a problem in the slightest? – Valkyrie.”

— Derek Landy

206. “There are too many people for this town. – China, about Roarhaven.”

— Derek Landy

207. “What kind of trees are those?” she asked Milo. “Green,” he said, and that’s how the conversation ended.”

— Derek Landy

208. “Can we get Serpine back in here?” Saracen grumbled. “I feel that I need to punch someone.”

— Derek Landy

209. “He is the best, in my whole life i have only read his books!!!!!!”

— Derek Landy

210. “Clarabelle, did you draw a smiley face on the robot? – Nye.”

— Derek Landy

211. “Oh, we’re all mad around here, Ed! – Clarabelle.”

— Derek Landy

212. “Valkyrie was thankful Fletcher was around. Finally, somebody who knew even less than she did.”

— Derek Landy

213. “Stephanie, you jumped off a building.” “Yes, but the branches broke my fall. Every one of them.” “And how were the branches?” “A lot unlike pillows.” “You could have been killed.” “But I wasn’t.”

— Derek Landy

214. “Is he all scarred now? Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.”

— Derek Landy

215. “You didn’t hear me right. I didn’t say ‘a mug of poisoned tea’. I said ‘a poisoned mug of tea’. It was the handle I poisoned... Laken Cross, you are an evil man for coming here to kill me and you’re an evil man for forcing me to do what I had to do. I hope you burn in whatever hell you believe in. – Finbar.”

— Derek Landy

216. “They lifted up and drifted beyond the ledge, the world opening up beneath them.”

— Derek Landy

217. “Any moment now, China was about to perspire.”

— Derek Landy

218. “And she pushed, and as she pushed she melted into the child, and Sebastian roared in fear as the baby slipped into his waiting hands.”

— Derek Landy

219. “They called us the Dead Men because they said we weren’t afraid of dying.”

— Derek Landy

220. “I’ll be sure to pass on the compliment when I’m hitting his face,” Skulduggery assured him.”

— Derek Landy

221. “Scapegrace went to roll his eyes, but lost his enthusiasm halfway through and ended up looking at the ceiling.”

— Derek Landy

222. “There’s enough sedative in these darts to bring down a werewolf, which is exactly what we’re hunting. Why would we want to bring down an elephant if we’re not hunting elephants?”

— Derek Landy

223. “Thank you again, all of you.” He walked away. “But mostly me,” Fletcher called after him and Valkyrie punched his arm.”

— Derek Landy

224. “I love stories with a happy ending,” Inspector Me said.”

— Derek Landy

225. “Valkyrie!” Melancholia called. “Please help me!”

— Derek Landy

226. “Scientists are a cold-blooded bunch. Standing by while innocent people are killed, while the power you so generously donated is twisted and warped by the fragile little minds of the ordinary people. I can’t believe you thought your plan would ever work. – Darquesse, to Argeddion.”

— Derek Landy

227. “Ghastly and Anton have been murdered. Ravel’s betrayed us. Valkyrie is... gone. The Dead Men have had their last stand and we’ve fallen, Saracen. The three of us are all that remain. – Skulduggery.”

— Derek Landy

228. “By the time they got to Denholm Street, day had been beaten back and the night was soaking through the city.”

— Derek Landy

229. “The great Skeleton Detective, in the flesh – figuratively speakin’, of course.”

— Derek Landy

230. “Ryan, you’re not real. You don’t exist... You’re Deacon Maybury,” Skulduggery said. “You’re a hiding place who thinks it’s a boy.”

— Derek Landy

231. “You Necromancers have your messiah,” Finbar said, “now we Remnants have ours.”

— Derek Landy

232. “She’s not... She’s not dating the skeleton, is she? How would that even be possible, let alone... nice? He’s got no skin, or lips, or... or nothin’. And he talks. Good God, he talks and he never shuts up.” – Billy-Ray.”

— Derek Landy

233. “Its roof sagged and let in water when it rained, its walls groaned and let in wind when it blew, and its doors creaked and let in hypocrites when it suited.”

— Derek Landy

234. “The main difference between her and her friends was not the magic, she knew, and nor was it the adventure. It was the fact that she knew what she wanted to do with her life, and she was already doing it.”

— Derek Landy

235. “Serpine underestimates you. Everyone underestimates you. You’re stronger than they know. You’re stronger than you know – Skulduggery.”

— Derek Landy

236. “For a long time, I thought the love they shared was enough to heal them both. Not of physical wounds, but the invisible wounds we all carry around with us.”

— Derek Landy

237. “I kill Cain,” Crux said, pointing a finger back at himself. “Me. Not you, not the vampire, not the idiot.” Scapegrace frowned. “Who’s the idiot?”

— Derek Landy

238. “Before her mum could start crying, Valkyrie’s dad stood up. He cleared his throat, pondered a bit, and then began. “It is no secret that I always wanted a son.”

— Derek Landy

239. “Nothing says “all is good with the world” like exclamation marks, after all.”

— Derek Landy

240. “Excuse me, I believe you’re standing on my sword. I don’t think this is entirely fair, you’re angry with Skulduggery because he didn’t kill Valkyrie, but you and me, we’ve never even met. I mean, you have no reason to attack me, if you got to know me, if you took the time, I’m sure you’d really like me. I’m a likeable girl, everyone says so – Tanith Low.”

— Derek Landy

241. “If we’re going to go through with this,” he said gruffly, “then hurry it up. It’s not everyday I send someone into hell.”

— Derek Landy

242. “Just the usual,” Valkyrie said before Skulduggery could answer. “People with strange names doing strange things for strange reasons.”

— Derek Landy

243. “You have no idea what it is you’re saying at any given moment, do you? You think just as long as you’re issuing orders, you’re a leader.”

— Derek Landy

244. “Aw, that’s sweet, but, really, you’d never get that chance. Caelan, you’re not my protector, you’re not my guardian angel and you’re not my boyfriend.”

— Derek Landy

245. “Zombies were an accident – much like champagne and penicillin, but much less welcome. Necromancers weren’t working on a way to turn people into shambling pieces of unintelligent rot-” – Kenspeckle.”

— Derek Landy

246. “You’re a victim of a vampire bite. Do you really think this is an appropriate injury for a young woman to have?”

— Derek Landy

247. “Sabine pulled herself out of the water behind him, and glared up as she hung there. “You spat on me.”

— Derek Landy

248. “Being around you puts my life in constant danger. I’ve fought monsters and vampires and I’ve almost died twice, and you think they’d choose to kill you over a tattoo?”

— Derek Landy

249. “The trick, you see – ” “Is to never assume anything,” she finished.”

— Derek Landy

250. “There’s nothing more natural than dying from a knife to the neck. What would be unnatural is if he’d survived.”

— Derek Landy