Top 250 Derek Landy Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “I am a rational man, but haven’t you heard? i’m also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.”

— Derek Landy

152. “That’ll teach him to underestimate stupid people. – Ghastly.”

— Derek Landy

153. “I can be quite charming when I want to be. – Strom.”

— Derek Landy

154. “I am Vaurien Scapegrace,” the woman announced, “and I’m here to save the world.”

— Derek Landy

155. “With his sunglasses gone and his scarf hanging down, there was no denying that he had no flesh, he had no skin, he had no eyes and he had no face. All he had was a skull for a head.”

— Derek Landy

156. “If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there are also times when it breaks my heart.”

— Derek Landy

157. “This is all very regrettable, though it isn’t really, and I wish to assure you that I, in no way, derive any personal satisfaction from any of this, even though I so obviously do. If you feel the need to vent any more of your frustration, please feel free to do so, as I intend to build a collage of this moment and I’d like some more amusing anecdotes to go along with it.”

— Derek Landy

158. “We have this idea for a ‘Where’s Wally’ type thing, except in ours, you’d have to find the one living person hiding in among all the dismembered corpses while the chainsaw-wielding killer hunts him down. You know, for kids. – Donegan.”

— Derek Landy

159. “Skulduggery tilted his head. “Do you have a car?” “Nope.” “Then we’ll take mine.” “Probably wise. I think I’ve forgoten how to drive.”

— Derek Landy

160. “Me either,” Fletcher said, “and I’ve read practically every book written about Teleporters. Not that there are many. There are, like, four.”

— Derek Landy

161. “You,” Sanguine said, “are the worst psychic I’ve ever met.”

— Derek Landy

162. “Children can be so cruel,’ the Doctor said. ‘Children’s writers can be even worse.”

— Derek Landy

163. “Tricking?” Ravel said. “I wouldn’t call it tricking, no. Manipulating? It could possibly be seen as manipulating.”

— Derek Landy

164. “You didn’t hear me right. I didn’t say ‘a mug of poisoned tea’. I said ‘a poisoned mug of tea’. It was the handle I poisoned... Laken Cross, you are an evil man for coming here to kill me and you’re an evil man for forcing me to do what I had to do. I hope you burn in whatever hell you believe in. – Finbar.”

— Derek Landy

165. “Skulduggery,” the tall man said eventually, his voice deep and resonant, “trouble follows in your wake, doesn’t it?” “I wouldn’t say follows,” Skulduggery answered. “It more kind of sits around and waits for me to get there.”

— Derek Landy

166. “You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.? – Skulduggery.”

— Derek Landy

167. “It is I, and I stand with the girl, the Elemental and the partner of the skeleton detective, and although she is late she is here, which is the important thing, and we are moving on.”

— Derek Landy

168. “Somewhere out there is another homicidal lunatic who needs guidance. Go to that homicidal lunatic, Cadaverous. Go to him.”

— Derek Landy

169. “Sarcasm has always been the luxury of the ruling class.”

— Derek Landy

170. “There’s an I in menagerie. – Black Annis.”

— Derek Landy

171. “A phone beeped quietly and she woke. It was morning. Friday the 30th of April. One day before May 1st, and Greta Dapple’s birthday, and the Summer of Light, when the world would tear itself apart. What a cheery, happy thought to wake up to.”

— Derek Landy

172. “Dublin City was quiet when they reached the Waxwork Museum, as if it was holding its breath.”

— Derek Landy

173. “Cow,” Tanith muttered, and that was it, the floodgates opened, and Stephanie doubled over with laughter that echoed throughout the warehouse. Tanith pointed at Stephanie and backed away. “Skulduggery, she’s not being professional!”

— Derek Landy

174. “A theory is the academic equivalent of a guess. – Gordon.”

— Derek Landy

175. “I wonder, skeleton, would you still be alive? Would you be conscious if you were dice, or keys on a piano?” “Always wanted a life in music,” Skulduggery mumbled.”

— Derek Landy

176. “They call it Second Lifetime Syndrome, and it happens when a sorcerer watches her family and friends age and die around her. – China.”

— Derek Landy

177. “Sanguine felt the ridiculous urge to reach out and poke him, just to see if he’d react, but he’d seen that kind of anger before. It was the quiet kind. The dangerous kind.”

— Derek Landy

178. “Have you ever heard of Remnants? – Skulduggery.”

— Derek Landy

179. “The end is now the beginning...”

— Derek Landy

180. “So now you’re on the run,′ Warrick said wistfully. ‘Travelling the Dark Highway, a lone wolf. With your friend, who is another wolf. Two lone wolves. Two wolves, really. Not really alone. Two wolves in a car. Travelling. One of them naked and bloody. The other with her ass hanging out.”

— Derek Landy

181. “Do you remember what Crux said?” Scorn asked China. “I bet you do. He said that you handed Skulduggery Pleasant’s wife and child over to Nefarian Serpine. He said that you led them to their deaths... Blackmail is just an ugly, ungainly word, but these are ugly and ungainly times in which we live. You will do as I say, exactly as I say, or I will tell the Skeleton Detective your terrible, terrible secret. Do you agree to my terms?”

— Derek Landy

182. “So not only have we Darquesse on the loose, and not only do we have nineteen supercharged sorcerers running around, and virtually every Sanctuary on the planet in a state of chaos, but now we have twenty-three days to decide who’s going to kill themselves to save the world? How the hell are we meant to manage any of that? – Vex.”

— Derek Landy

183. “Mist spoke. “And now, Miss Sorrows, where do your loyalties lie?” China looked at her. “Where they have always lain, Madame Mist. With me.”

— Derek Landy

184. “My magic,” Valkyrie said, looking at him. “Darquesse took my magic.”

— Derek Landy

185. “A living skeleton isn’t enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?”

— Derek Landy

186. “Smash thought the window because doors are for people with no imagination.”

— Derek Landy

187. “At a gesture, the window flew open and China vaulted out.”

— Derek Landy

188. “We already have a Death Bringer, thank you. We don’t need another one. – Oblivious.”

— Derek Landy

189. “Say thank you, Detective Marr, for letting me stand up.” And Valkyrie said, “Thank you, Detective Marr, for giving me back my ring.” Marr’s eyes flickered to the ground where the ring had fallen, but it wasn’t there any more, and before she could do anything about it, Valkyrie sent a fist of shadows slamming into the detective’s chest.”

— Derek Landy

190. “And Ghastly became aware of Ravel’s eyes, brimming with tears, those eyes that had many a lady swooning over him down through the centuries. Those golden eyes.”

— Derek Landy

191. “Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He’s just finally caught up with where he’s supposed to be.”

— Derek Landy

192. “Annis had never been a people person, unless ‘people person’ was defined as a person who ate people.”

— Derek Landy

193. “I’m in the mood for some fighting.” “If there is,” Stephanie said, handing him his gun, “here’s something you can use.” “Ah, bless. I’ve missed her. Do you have bullets?” “Uh, no.” Skulduggery paused. “Excellent,” he said, and tucked the gun away.”

— Derek Landy

194. “If you can hit your opponent’s nose more than he can hit yours, you too will taste victory.”

— Derek Landy

195. “Are you kidding? I jumped off a building – of course I’m hurt.”

— Derek Landy

196. “With the speed of a cobra, Scapegrace lashed out at Bagatelle, catching him on the ear with a vicious chop. He ducked as Shun reached for him, and spun with a kick that came dangerously close to landing. Mud fired off a punch that Scapegrace blocked with his chin, and Scapegrace countered with a flailing hand to the air as he fell.”

— Derek Landy

197. “Once again, events beyond her control had dragged her into the middle of things. China was not impressed.”

— Derek Landy

198. “I don’t have feathers, do I?” The boy shrugged. “Some birds don’t have feathers.” Beneath his mask, Sebastian frowned. “All birds have feathers. Feathers are what makes them birds.” “What about the duck-billed platypus?” the boy asked. “That doesn’t have feathers. It has fur. What kind of duck has fur?” “The duck-billed platypus isn’t a duck. It’s a platypus.” “What’s a platypus?” “It’s a monotreme,” Bennet said miserably. “A mammal that lays eggs.” “Oh,” said the boy.”

— Derek Landy

199. “A lot of things aren’t wise, Melissa. Is crossing the road with your eyes closed wise? No, but I do it anyway.”

— Derek Landy

200. “He broke the first law of being a vampire when he killed his own kind. If he can’t stick to that simple rule, how safe do you think you are?”

— Derek Landy