Top 280 Frank Zappa Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “Definition of rock journalism: People who can’t write, doing interviews with people who can’t think, in order to prepare articles for people who can’t read.”

— Frank Zappa

102. “Their stupidity does not amaze me, its when they’re smart that amazes me. It’s baffling whenever you find someone who’s smart – incredible. Soon you’ll have zoos for such things.”

— Frank Zappa

103. “Fact of the matter is, there is no hip world, there is no straight world. There’s a world, you see which has people in it who believe a variety of different things.”

— Frank Zappa

104. “My guitar wants to kill your mama.”

— Frank Zappa

105. “Did you ever consider that LSD was really one of the most dangerous drugs ever manufactured because the people who took it turned into yuppies?”

— Frank Zappa

106. “You can’t always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.”

— Frank Zappa

107. “Scientists believe that the universe is made of hydrogen because they claim it’s the most plentiful ingredient. I claim that the most plentiful ingredient is stupidity.”

— Frank Zappa

108. “Republican is fine, if your a millionaire. Democrats is fair, if all you own is what you wear. Neither of them’s really right, cause neither of them care.”

— Frank Zappa

109. “I ain’t the type for begging, I am not the type to plead. If she don’t change those evil ways, I’m gonna make her bleed.”

— Frank Zappa

110. “Don’t go to bed with any woman crazier than you are.”

— Frank Zappa

111. “Cocaine decisions that you make today, will mean nothing later on when you get nose decay.”

— Frank Zappa

112. “I want a horny little Jewish princess.”

— Frank Zappa

113. “The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. You eat this apple, you’re going to be as smart as God. We can’t have that.”

— Frank Zappa

114. “I want a steamy little Jewish Princess with over-worked gums, who squeaks when she cums. I don’t want no troll, I just want a Yemenite hole.”

— Frank Zappa

115. “Anyone who is disturbed by the idea of newts in a nightclub is potentially dangerous.”

— Frank Zappa

116. “Listen honey, would I lie to you to get in your pants?”

— Frank Zappa

117. “I would say that today, dishonesty is the rule, and honesty the exception. It could be, statistically, that more people are honest than dishonest, but the few that really control things are not honest, and that tips the balance.”

— Frank Zappa

118. “The NRA, with the fingers on the triggers when they kneel and pray.”

— Frank Zappa

119. “When God created Republicans, he gave up on everything else.”

— Frank Zappa

120. “Do your job and do it right, life’s a ball, TV tonight.”

— Frank Zappa

121. “Producing satire is kind of hopeless because of the literacy rate of the American public.”

— Frank Zappa

122. “A mind is like a parachute. It works better when it’s open!”

— Frank Zappa

123. “Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty.”

— Frank Zappa

124. “The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down.”

— Frank Zappa

125. “If you pick up a guitar and it says, ‘take me, I’m yours,’ then that’s the one for you.”

— Frank Zappa

Featured in: Guitar Quotes

126. “The kerosene record player is not a very efficient device.”

— Frank Zappa

127. “All that we got here is American made. It’s a little bit cheesy, but it’s nicely displayed.”

— Frank Zappa

128. “Mama stroked his dinger, Daddy got stinky finger.”

— Frank Zappa

129. “She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago. His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato.”

— Frank Zappa

130. “With a tongue like a cow, she could make you go wow.”

— Frank Zappa

131. “Most people wouldn’t know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.”

— Frank Zappa

132. “Your mind is totally controlled, it has been stuffed into my mold. And you will do as you are told, until the rights to you are sold.”

— Frank Zappa

133. “Children are naive-they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you’re asking for trouble.”

— Frank Zappa

134. “We could improve worldwide mental health if we acknowledged that parents can make you crazy.”

— Frank Zappa

135. “It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner.”

— Frank Zappa

136. “Most people don’t bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom.”

— Frank Zappa

137. “Music is the best.”

— Frank Zappa

138. “Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and water, they were passed to get votes.”

— Frank Zappa

139. “Two things are universal: Hydrogen and stupidity.”

— Frank Zappa

140. “As far as rearing children goes, the basic idea I try to keep in mind is that a child is a person. Just because they happen to be a little shorter than you doesn’t mean they are dumber than you.”

— Frank Zappa

141. “Music is always a commentary on society.”

— Frank Zappa

142. “I’m more interested in melodic things. I think the biggest challenge when you go to play a solo is trying to invent a melody on the spot.”

— Frank Zappa

143. “People are just waiting around to get certified.”

— Frank Zappa

144. “Science is moving closer to weaponry, and Art is moving closer to commercialism. And never the twain shall meet.”

— Frank Zappa

145. “Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.”

— Frank Zappa

146. “My school spirit is at an all time low, I’m losing my status at the school.”

— Frank Zappa

147. “Tosses her head and flips her hair, she got a whole bunch of nothing in there.”

— Frank Zappa

148. “Give me the enchilada with the pickle sauce shoved up between the donkey’s ass.”

— Frank Zappa

149. “Elmore James only knew one lick, but you had the feeling that he meant it.”

— Frank Zappa

150. “You’ve got to be digging it while it’s happening ’cause it just might be a one shot deal.”

— Frank Zappa