“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.”
— Frank Zappa
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.”
“So many books, so little time.”
“Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.”
“Music is the only religion that delivers the goods.”
“There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”
“The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.”
“Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.”
“Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.”
“Art is making something out of nothing, and selling it.”
“It’s better to have something to remember than anything to regret.”
“Government is the Entertainment division of the military-industrial complex.”
“One size does not fit all.”
“Don’t forget to vote.”
“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
“Don’t eat the yellow snow.”
“Reality is what it is, not what you want it to be.”
“There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we’d all love one another.”
“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.”
“I don’t want to spend my life explaining myself. You either get it, or you don’t.”
“Jazz isn’t dead. It just smells funny.”
“Shut Up and Play your Guitar.”
“The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else’s life.”
“I’m not black, but there’s a whole lot of times I wish I could say I’m not white.”
“It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.”
“Love of my life, I love you so. Love of my life, don’t ever go.”
“All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.”
“Stupidity has a certain charm – ignorance does not.”
“To me absurdity is the only reality.”
“The most abundant element in the Universe is stupidity.”
“Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you’ve got any guts. Some of you like Pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read.”
“Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon.”
“Music is the most physically inspiring of all the arts.”
“The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.”
“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”
“Ram it up your poop chute.”
“I can take about an hour on the tower of power, as long as I gets a little golden shower.”
“There is no hell. There is only France.”
“I enjoy irritating the people who enjoy being irritated.”
“A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.”
“I’m probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do.”
“Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?”
“Tobacco is my favorite vegetable.”
“The crux of the biscuit is: If it entertains you, fine. Enjoy it. If it doesn’t, then blow it out your ass. I do it to amuse myself. If I like it, I release it. If somebody else likes it, that’s a bonus.”
“The disgusting stink of a too-loud electric guitar; now that’s my idea of a good time.”
“The whole Universe is a large joke. Everything in the Universe are just subdivisions of this joke. So why take anything too serious.”
“The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.”
“Don’t mind your make-up, you’d better make your mind up.”
“Call any vegetable and the chances are good that the vegetable will respond to you.”
“Drugs will turn you into your parents.”
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