Top 500 James Patterson Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “Okeydokey,” I said to myself. “Provisions, check. Clothes, check. Enough explosives to pose a legitimate threat to multiple small countries-“ I eyed the duffel bags that Gazzy and Iggy had packed- “check.”

— James Patterson

302. “He was already a sociopath, and he was just out of kinder-garten. I didn’t think much of it at the time. It was the family way.”

— James Patterson

303. “Fair isn’t fair, Dean. Like I’m supposed to help you because fair is fair? Try I need you to help me so I wont rip out your spine and beat you with it. I might respond to that, maybe.”

— James Patterson

304. “Ari smiled. The sun was shining, the weather was great, he was eating ice cream, and all his dreams were about to come true.”

— James Patterson

305. “However, using insidious and irresistible mind-control techniques such as offering us Mountain Dew and a ton of nachos, the naval bigwigs had managed to corral us in this room for a debriefing.”

— James Patterson

306. “If you’re going to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. Things are almost never as bad as they first seem. Loosen up, girlfriend!”

— James Patterson

307. “Fang. I had to do some thinking about him. Me. I had some thinking to do about me too.”

— James Patterson

308. “I’m sure some of you get sent to your rooms sometimes by your parents. All I have to say is, the next time it happens and you’re lying there all mad thinking about how hard your life is, just picture me standing next to you, ready to smack you upside the head. When I get sent to my room, it’s in a freaking dungeon! With rats!”

— James Patterson

309. “Max-I’m not going to die today.”

— James Patterson

310. “It was the building from the drawing in my brain. And if you don’t think that’s a weird sentence, maybe you should reread it.”

— James Patterson

311. “Uh, a honking big castle of evil in Germany?”

— James Patterson

312. “I vill now destroy the snickuh bahrs!”

— James Patterson

313. “That’d be just what I need: a rash of car thefts across America, committed by dedicated readers.”

— James Patterson

314. “Lots of women are gifting themselves with diamonds for their right hand.”

— James Patterson

315. “I’m here to say that moonshine has nothing on love- and lust.”

— James Patterson

316. “The Gasman leaned over and examined the tangled pile of stereo guts spread out on the kitchen table. “It looks like a robot came in here and threw up,” he observed.”

— James Patterson

317. “My style is colloquial storytelling. It’s the way we tell stories to one another – it’s not writerly, it’s not overdone.”

— James Patterson

Featured in: Quotes About Stories

318. “What, eBay isn’t good enough for us?”

— James Patterson

319. “I was always a good student, but I didn’t read that much until I was 18 and I was working my way through college.”

— James Patterson

320. “Call me crazy, but there’s just something cheering about seeing huge raptors tear into Eraser flesh.”

— James Patterson

321. “I have a number of writers I work with regularly. I write an outline for a book. The outlines are very specific about what each scene is supposed to accomplish.”

— James Patterson

322. “Here’s a freebie: Don’t play poker with a kid who can read minds.”

— James Patterson

323. “Blood City III: The Massacre. I’d read the summary of it online, and frankly, it sounded like the directors had just decided to film my life.”

— James Patterson

324. “I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.”

— James Patterson

325. “Time to die. -Evil Angel.”

— James Patterson

326. “Delusional. Like Donald Trump with a comb.”

— James Patterson

327. “I led the way toward the crowd, trying to look casual, like, Fly? Me? Nah.”

— James Patterson

328. “I don’t believe in lecturing people. It’s much more effective to present reading as a fun, rewarding pastime.”

— James Patterson

Featured in: Reading Quotes, Fun Quotes

329. “Even needing to get to Angel, we couldn’t forget the basic necessity of eating.”

— James Patterson

330. “I wish I could explain what I’d give just to see you smile again.” How about your head on a stick?”

— James Patterson

331. “A vet! I started laughing weakly and had to sit on the edge of the tub. A vet. Wait till they found out how appropriate that was.”

— James Patterson

332. “Because today after all, is all we knew.”

— James Patterson

333. “There is truth in dreams, but especially in nightmares.”

— James Patterson

334. “The next morning, Mom set two plates of scrambled eggs in front of me and Georgia and then sat down to watch us eat. She loves to watch us eat, which I totally don’t get. I mean, she works at a diner. She watches people eat all day long.”

— James Patterson

335. “Sometimes I’m dramatic even to myself.”

— James Patterson

336. “Can you giggle while racing for your life and protecting a six-year-old? I can.”

— James Patterson

337. “If we had directions, it wouldn’t be life. It would be an assignment. Grunt work.”

— James Patterson

338. “In movies, people always “borrow” cars by yanking some wires out from under the dash and connecting them. But the real way it works involves a screwdriver and the starter thingy, under the hood. My personal ethics prevent me from giving you more information. That’d be just what I need: a rash of car thefts across America, committed by dedicated readers.”

— James Patterson

339. “Here’s something that might not occur to you: If a state trooper sees a weird, patchwork Toyota Echo hurtling down 1-95, and it looks like half of a small country is immigrating to the States in this one little car, you might get stopped.”

— James Patterson

340. “It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you’re human popcorn.”

— James Patterson

341. “Please, I begged silently, please do not let my last moments on earth be me crammed into a tiny boat in the dark, surrounded by mechanical singing pirates.”

— James Patterson

342. “Somehow all troubles and cares seemed to diminish when you were with the people you loved. Then.”

— James Patterson

343. “This was the weird part with me and Miller. We both hated each other, but even more than that, he wanted my money and I wanted my notebook back. Neither of us had said anything about it to Stricker, even when we both got suspended. It was like middle school Mafia or something.”

— James Patterson

344. “Maybe he was a good a good whitecoat – like Jeb. And maybe the moon was made of cream cheese.”

— James Patterson

345. “Yes. I owed my life, Angel’s life, and my mother’s life to a mutant’s ability to create industrial-strength snot.”

— James Patterson

346. “Actually, I’d already briefed him, early this morning. Since we were up at six. Since, at six, the nurse had been overcome with the overwhelming compulsion to take Fang’s temperature right then.”

— James Patterson

347. “Memory is all I have now.”

— James Patterson

348. “Michelangelo didn’t show David triumphant, the way every other sculptor did. He showed David before he fought Goliath – when David believed he was doomed and went into battle anyway.”

— James Patterson

349. “A lot healthier than getting socked in the stomach. Especially if you had a big breakfast.”

— James Patterson

350. “If I could run the world, I’d find another way to treat most of these criminals – most of them, not all of them – but we find widespread solutions to widespread problems in this country, so we just build big prisons and stick everyone inside them and, for the most part, forget about them once they’re gone. Noah.”

— James Patterson