Top 120 Joe Rogan Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “The planet’s spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we’ve laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.”

— Joe Rogan

52. “I want to make sure that everything that I’m creating, I’m creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that’s the reward that you get for that.”

— Joe Rogan

53. “The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.”

— Joe Rogan

54. “There’s a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.”

— Joe Rogan

55. “You’re just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what’s good about it.”

— Joe Rogan

56. “The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.”

— Joe Rogan

57. “After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It’s very weird.”

— Joe Rogan

58. “What’s interesting about science is that we’re constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It’s amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being – without a doubt.”

— Joe Rogan

59. “One of the great things about Houston is that they police themselves. It’s the way Boston was in the ’80s. No hacks or thieves are tolerated in the community, and that’s HUGE.”

— Joe Rogan

60. “If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.”

— Joe Rogan

61. “Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I’m doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.”

— Joe Rogan

62. “When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.”

— Joe Rogan

63. “People are scared man, they’re scared of the void.”

— Joe Rogan

64. “The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing’s more disgusting than a guy who steals another person’s ideas and tries to claim them as his own.”

— Joe Rogan

65. “Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.”

— Joe Rogan

66. “Have you ever talked to someone, and you’re not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.”

— Joe Rogan

67. “Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer.”

— Joe Rogan

68. “I don’t really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It’s all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh – t out of you.”

— Joe Rogan

69. “I’m a nightclub comic. That’s what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.”

— Joe Rogan

70. “My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It’s because that’s what I think all people are: talking monkeys.”

— Joe Rogan

71. “The mind is the most important thing of the big picture and no one has a stronger mindset than amateur wrestlers.”

— Joe Rogan

72. “You could smell my ass from mars.”

— Joe Rogan

73. “It’s painful for me to watch someone who isn’t funny. It’s horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.”

— Joe Rogan

74. “If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I’d say he has a badonkadonk.”

— Joe Rogan

75. “I really feel like it’s a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.”

— Joe Rogan

76. “To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don’t really worry that much about what other people think of me.”

— Joe Rogan

77. “Your body’s really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.”

— Joe Rogan

78. “I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.”

— Joe Rogan

79. “I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.”

— Joe Rogan

80. “If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they’re brooding all the time.”

— Joe Rogan

81. “On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I’ve had both knees reconstructed.”

— Joe Rogan

82. “Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley’s very funny, very witty guy, very quick.”

— Joe Rogan

83. “I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I’m the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.”

— Joe Rogan

84. “Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.”

— Joe Rogan

85. “I love existing in pre big bang conditions.”

— Joe Rogan

86. “I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.”

— Joe Rogan

87. “Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that’s why everybody loved him so much.”

— Joe Rogan

88. “It’s impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that’s required to be an elite wrestler.”

— Joe Rogan

89. “If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.”

— Joe Rogan

90. “Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it’s very specialized and varied in it’s content, but generic in it’s title.”

— Joe Rogan

91. “It never hurt Lenny Bruce’s career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.”

— Joe Rogan

92. “My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they’re my best friends.”

— Joe Rogan

93. “I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.”

— Joe Rogan

94. “The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.”

— Joe Rogan

95. “So many times I’ve done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I’ve got this new tagline that’s killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that’s just the process of comedy.”

— Joe Rogan

96. “I’ve done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It’s a big part of mixed martial arts.”

— Joe Rogan

97. “The Comedy Store in LA, it’s a really loose room and it’s really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.”

— Joe Rogan

98. “If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it’s not in clubs, it’s in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.”

— Joe Rogan

99. “Houston Alexander is for real!”

— Joe Rogan

100. “Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot.”

— Joe Rogan