Top 80 Kristin Neff Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Self-compassion is a way of emotionally recharging our batteries. Rather than becoming drained by helping others, self-compassion allows us to fill up our internal reserves, so that we have more to give to those who need us.”

— Kristin Neff

Featured in: Self-Care Quotes, Psychology Quotes, Care Quotes, Mental Health Quotes, Compassion Quotes

2. “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”

— Kristin Neff

Featured in: Self-Care Quotes, Empathy Quotes, Acceptance Quotes, Mental Health Quotes, Wellness Wednesday Quotes

3. “Whenever I notice something about myself I don’t like, or whenever something goes wrong in my life, I silently repeat the following phrases: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”

— Kristin Neff

4. “It becomes understood that happiness is not dependent on circumstances being exactly as we want them to be, or on ourselves being exactly as we’d like to be. Rather, happiness stems from loving ourselves and our lives exactly as they are, knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are all essential to the full human experience.”

— Kristin Neff

5. “Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.”

— Kristin Neff

6. “Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.”

— Kristin Neff

7. “If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.”

— Kristin Neff

8. “Our successes and failures come and go – they neither define us nor do they determine our worthiness.”

— Kristin Neff

9. “By giving ourselves unconditional kindness and comfort while embracing the human experience, difficult as it is, we avoid destructive patterns of fear, negativity, and isolation.”

— Kristin Neff

10. “Being human is not about being any one particular way; it is about being as life creates you – with your own particular strengths and weaknesses, gifts and challenges, quirks and oddities.”

— Kristin Neff

11. “Painful feelings are, by their very nature, temporary. They will weaken over time as long as we don’t prolong or amplify them through resistance or avoidance. The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.”

— Kristin Neff

12. “The real treasure offered by mindfulness – its most amazing gift – is that mindfulness provides us with the opportunity to respond rather than simply react. When.”

— Kristin Neff

13. “Compassion, then, involves the recognition and clear seeing of suffering. It also involves feelings of kindness for people who are suffering, so that the desire to help – to ameliorate suffering – emerges. Finally, compassion involves recognizing our shared human condition, flawed and fragile as it is.”

— Kristin Neff

14. “Compassion is not only relevant to those who are blameless victims, but also to those whose suffering stems from failures, personal weakness, or bad decisions. You know, the kind you and I make every day.”

— Kristin Neff

15. “Tara Bennett-Goleman uses the metaphor of alchemy to symbolize the spiritual and emotional transformation that’s possible when we embrace our pain with caring concern. When we give ourselves compassion, the tight knot of negative self-judgment starts to dissolve, replaced by a feeling of peaceful, connected acceptance – a sparkling diamond that emerges from the coal.”

— Kristin Neff

16. “Loving ourselves points us to capacities of resilience, compassion, and understanding within that are simply part of being alive. – S.”

— Kristin Neff

17. “What is this self inside us, this silent observer, Severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us And urge us on to futile activity And in the end, judge us still more severely For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us? – T. S. ELIOT, The Elder Statesman.”

— Kristin Neff

18. “The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.”

— Kristin Neff

19. “Pain and dysfunction get passed down from generation to generation. A mixture of genetic inheritance and environmental circumstance ensures that our lives unfold according to a complex web of conditions that is infinitely larger than ourselves. The only way to stop the vicious cycle of reacting to pain by causing more pain is to step out of the system. We need to let our hearts fill with compassion, and forgive ourselves and others.”

— Kristin Neff

20. “Mindfulness brings us back to the present moment and provides the type of balanced awareness that forms the foundation of self-compassion. Like a clear, still pool without ripples, mindfulness perfectly mirrors what’s occurring without distortion. Rather than becoming lost in our own personal soap opera, mindfulness allows us to view our situation with greater perspective and helps to ensure that we don’t suffer unnecessarily.”

— Kristin Neff

21. “When we’re mainly filtering our experience through the ego, constantly trying to improve or maintain our high self-esteem, we’re denying ourselves the thing we actually want most. To be accepted as we are, an integral part of something much greater than our small selves. Unbounded. Immeasurable. Free.”

— Kristin Neff

22. “If I have to feel better than you to feel good about myself, then how clearly am I really going to see you, or myself for that matter?”

— Kristin Neff

23. “The serenity prayer – made famous by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs – captures this idea beautifully: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

— Kristin Neff

24. “Once we start basing our self-esteem purely on our performance, our greatest joys in life can start to seem like so much hard work, our pleasure morphing into pain.”

— Kristin Neff

25. “The desire to feel special is understandable. The problem is that by definition, it’s impossible for everyone to be above average at the same time. Although there are some ways in which we excel, there is always someone smarter, prettier, more successful. How do we cope with this? Not very well.”

— Kristin Neff

26. “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. – CARL ROGERS, On Becoming a Person T.”

— Kristin Neff

27. “One of the major causes of mental health problems, he felt, was a lack of belongingness, the perception that we are cut off from our fellows.”

— Kristin Neff

28. “As the seventeenth-century French philosopher Montaigne once said, ‘My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened.”

— Kristin Neff

29. “It’s the old carrot-and-stick approach – self-judgment is the stick and self-esteem is the carrot.”

— Kristin Neff

30. “The beauty of self-compassion is that instead of replacing negative feelings with positive ones, new positive emotions are generated by embracing the negative ones.”

— Kristin Neff

31. “At the most basic level, self-compassion simply requires being a good friend to ourselves.”

— Kristin Neff

32. “Every human being has both positive and negative traits. Rather than running away with an exaggerated story line about either, good or bad, we instead need to honor and accept ourselves as we authentically are. No better and no worse. The key is having balance and perspective so that we can see ourselves without distortion.”

— Kristin Neff

33. “May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be kind to myself. May I accept myself as I am.”

— Kristin Neff

34. “When we open to the reality of what is, even if we don’t like what is, it helps almost immediately.”

— Kristin Neff

35. “When we relate to ourselves with tender self-compassion, we care for and nurture ourselves. When we relate to ourselves with fierce self-compassion, we assert our autonomy and stand up for our rights.”

— Kristin Neff

36. “The Criticizer, the Criticized, and the Compassionate Observer.”

— Kristin Neff

37. “Tender self-compassion allows us to comfort and reassure ourselves when we don’t succeed, and fierce self-compassion inspires us to try again.”

— Kristin Neff

38. “A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her, ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days.’ She looked at him and said, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.”

— Kristin Neff

39. “Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks what’s good for you? Self-compassion taps into your inner desire to be healthy and happy. If you care about yourself, you’ll do what you need to do to in order to learn and grow. You’ll want to change unhelpful patterns of behavior, even if that means giving up certain things you like for a while.”

— Kristin Neff

40. “Self-esteem is a fair-weather friend. It’s there when things go well but deserts you when things go badly, just when you need it most. Self-compassion is a perfect alternative to self-esteem. It doesn’t require feeling better than others, it isn’t contingent on other people liking you, and it doesn’t require getting things right.”

— Kristin Neff

41. “Sometimes we need to be angry in order to have the courage to confront those threatening or disrespecting us. If we don’t get angry, we’ll be much less likely to stand up for ourselves. Because anger energizes us and focuses us on the threat at hand, it equips us to take self-protective action.”

— Kristin Neff

42. “In a meta-analysis of seventy-one studies, we found that women consistently had lower self-compassion scores, although the difference was a small one. The reason we’re less self-compassionate is partly due to the fact that we tend to be more self-critical.”

— Kristin Neff

43. “Mindfulness is sometimes seen as a form of “meta-awareness,” which means awareness of awareness. Instead of simply feeling anger, I am aware that I am now feeling anger.”

— Kristin Neff

44. “If you are someone who tends to ruminate, or who suffers from anxiety and depression, it’s important that you don’t judge yourself for this way of being.”

— Kristin Neff

45. “We feel uncomfortable when things don’t fit with our schemas – a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.”

— Kristin Neff

46. “Tender self-compassion allows us to accept the discomfort of an unwanted task and to be nonjudgmental about our desire to put it off. Fierce self-compassion then propels us to take action so that we do what’s needed.”

— Kristin Neff

47. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? – KAHLIL GIBRAN, The Prophet.”

— Kristin Neff

48. “But self-kindness involves more than merely stopping self-judgment. It involves actively comforting ourselves, responding just as we would to a dear friend in need. It means we allow ourselves to be emotionally moved by our own pain, stopping to say, “This is really difficult right now. How can I care for and comfort myself in this moment?” With self-kindness, we soothe and calm our troubled minds.”

— Kristin Neff

49. “So it’s definitely not the case that self-compassion leads to complacency and inertia. Quite the opposite. By losing our fear of failure, we become free to challenge ourselves to a far greater degree than would otherwise be possible.”

— Kristin Neff

50. “The golden rule says: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. An addendum should be: Do NOT do unto others as you do unto yourself, or you’ll have no friends.”

— Kristin Neff