Top 500 Mark Twain Quotes (2024 Update)
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401. “There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

— Mark Twain

402. “The finest clothing made is a person’s own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.”

— Mark Twain

403. “So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.”

— Mark Twain

404. “There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.”

— Mark Twain

405. “By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again – and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another’s and each obeying its own law.”

— Mark Twain

406. “If there is a God, he is a malign thug.”

— Mark Twain

407. “The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it; the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.”

— Mark Twain

408. “A pilot must have a memory developed to absolute perfection. But there are two higher qualities which he also must have. He must have good and quick judgment and decision, and a cool, calm courage that no peril can shake.”

— Mark Twain

409. “I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.”

— Mark Twain

410. “Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.”

— Mark Twain

411. “One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.”

— Mark Twain

412. “If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.”

— Mark Twain

413. “No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.”

— Mark Twain

414. “Human nature is the same everywhere; it deifies success, it has nothing but scorn for defeat.”

— Mark Twain

415. “To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.”

— Mark Twain

416. “On with dance, let joy be unconfined, is my motto; whether there’s any dance to dance or any joy to unconfined.”

— Mark Twain

417. “Never tell a lie-except for practice.”

— Mark Twain

418. “The true charm of pedestrians does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking.”

— Mark Twain

419. “In Boston they ask, how much does he know? In New York, how much is he worth? In Philadelphia, who were his parents?”

— Mark Twain

420. “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.”

— Mark Twain

421. “The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.”

— Mark Twain

422. “Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.”

— Mark Twain

423. “We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.”

— Mark Twain

424. “It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.”

— Mark Twain

425. “Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.”

— Mark Twain

426. “My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody’s joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.”

— Mark Twain

427. “Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.”

— Mark Twain

428. “There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.”

— Mark Twain

429. “Humor is the good natured side of a truth.”

— Mark Twain

430. “Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.”

— Mark Twain

431. “The English are mentioned in the Bible; Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”

— Mark Twain

432. “The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.”

— Mark Twain

433. “A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.”

— Mark Twain

434. “Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.”

— Mark Twain

435. “There ain’t no way to find out why a snorer can’t hear himself snore.”

— Mark Twain

436. “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”

— Mark Twain

437. “Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.”

— Mark Twain

438. “Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.”

— Mark Twain

439. “I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.”

— Mark Twain

440. “A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.”

— Mark Twain

441. “If the Christians of America could be persuaded to vote God and a clean ticket, it would bring about a moral revolution that would be incalculably beneficent. It would save the country.”

— Mark Twain

442. “I couldn’t bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn’t think about nothing else.”

— Mark Twain

443. “I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can’t be any worse.”

— Mark Twain

444. “Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.”

— Mark Twain

445. “All emotion is involuntary when genuine.”

— Mark Twain

446. “My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.”

— Mark Twain

447. “Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don’t, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.”

— Mark Twain

448. “Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep ’til noon.”

— Mark Twain

449. “In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn’t know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it.”

— Mark Twain

450. “It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.”

— Mark Twain