Top 500 Mark Twain Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

— Mark Twain

102. “My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.”

— Mark Twain

103. “I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.”

— Mark Twain

104. “Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.”

— Mark Twain

105. “Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”

— Mark Twain

106. “If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

— Mark Twain

107. “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

— Mark Twain

108. “Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

— Mark Twain

109. “Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.”

— Mark Twain

110. “When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.”

— Mark Twain

111. “Life is short, break the rules.”

— Mark Twain

112. “Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.”

— Mark Twain

113. “Data is like garbage. You’d better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.”

— Mark Twain

114. “Synergy – the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.”

— Mark Twain

115. “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”

— Mark Twain

116. “I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

— Mark Twain

117. “He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”

— Mark Twain

118. “Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.”

— Mark Twain

119. “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”

— Mark Twain

120. “Behind every successful man, there is a woman – And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.”

— Mark Twain

121. “If you want to change the future, you must change what you’re doing in the present.”

— Mark Twain

122. “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”

— Mark Twain

123. “Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.”

— Mark Twain

124. “The secret of making progress is to get started.”

— Mark Twain

125. “Never miss an opportunity to shut up.”

— Mark Twain

126. “We regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.”

— Mark Twain

127. “Figures don’t lie, but liars figure.”

— Mark Twain

128. “An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.”

— Mark Twain

129. “A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.”

— Mark Twain

130. “When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.”

— Mark Twain

131. “A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.”

— Mark Twain

132. “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”

— Mark Twain

133. “Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.”

— Mark Twain

134. “Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.”

— Mark Twain

135. “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

— Mark Twain

136. “If you have nothing to say, say nothing.”

— Mark Twain

137. “I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!”

— Mark Twain

138. “If I had more time, I would have written less.”

— Mark Twain

139. “It’s better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right.”

— Mark Twain

140. “Do something everyday that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”

— Mark Twain

141. “To stand still is to fall behind.”

— Mark Twain

142. “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

— Mark Twain

143. “Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.”

— Mark Twain

144. “Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.”

— Mark Twain

145. “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

— Mark Twain

146. “A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful.”

— Mark Twain

147. “When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.”

— Mark Twain

148. “Prediction is difficult- particularly when it involves the future.”

— Mark Twain

149. “A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.”

— Mark Twain

150. “Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself.”

— Mark Twain