Top 500 Mark Twain Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.”

— Mark Twain

102. “Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.”

— Mark Twain

103. “It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

— Mark Twain

104. “My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water.”

— Mark Twain

105. “Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”

— Mark Twain

106. “If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

— Mark Twain

107. “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

— Mark Twain

108. “Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

— Mark Twain

109. “Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.”

— Mark Twain

110. “Life is short, break the rules.”

— Mark Twain

111. “When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.”

— Mark Twain

112. “Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.”

— Mark Twain

113. “Synergy – the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.”

— Mark Twain

114. “Data is like garbage. You’d better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.”

— Mark Twain

115. “I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

— Mark Twain

116. “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”

— Mark Twain

117. “He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”

— Mark Twain

118. “Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.”

— Mark Twain

119. “Behind every successful man, there is a woman – And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.”

— Mark Twain

120. “If you want to change the future, you must change what you’re doing in the present.”

— Mark Twain

121. “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”

— Mark Twain

122. “The secret of making progress is to get started.”

— Mark Twain

123. “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”

— Mark Twain

124. “We regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.”

— Mark Twain

125. “Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.”

— Mark Twain

126. “Never miss an opportunity to shut up.”

— Mark Twain

127. “An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.”

— Mark Twain

128. “Figures don’t lie, but liars figure.”

— Mark Twain

129. “Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.”

— Mark Twain

130. “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”

— Mark Twain

131. “A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.”

— Mark Twain

132. “A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.”

— Mark Twain

133. “When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.”

— Mark Twain

134. “Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.”

— Mark Twain

135. “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

— Mark Twain

136. “If you have nothing to say, say nothing.”

— Mark Twain

137. “If I had more time, I would have written less.”

— Mark Twain

138. “I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!”

— Mark Twain

139. “It’s better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right.”

— Mark Twain

140. “To stand still is to fall behind.”

— Mark Twain

141. “Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.”

— Mark Twain

142. “Do something everyday that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”

— Mark Twain

143. “Prediction is difficult- particularly when it involves the future.”

— Mark Twain

144. “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

— Mark Twain

145. “I was educated once – it took me years to get over it.”

— Mark Twain

146. “A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.”

— Mark Twain

147. “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

— Mark Twain

148. “Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.”

— Mark Twain

149. “A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful.”

— Mark Twain

150. “The world doesn’t owe you anything. It was here first.”

— Mark Twain