Top 100

Top 400 P.J. O'Rourke Quotes (2024 Update)

P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “B students work for C students. A students teach.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Microeconomics is about money you don’t have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human duty: the duty to accept the consequences of our actions.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You can’t get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That’s all you need to know about communism.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Each American embassy comes with two permanent features – a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Commies love concrete.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I’ll add it to the wrong end.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked “What’s the big idea?” knows, most big ideas are bad ones.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It’s also closer.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn’t afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we’re careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “We’ll run this planet as we please, and if you don’t like it, go back where we came from.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don’t think that way. We don’t think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you’ve got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Government conspiracy? They can’t even deliver our mail and it’s got our address on it and everything!”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people’s feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “To mistrust science and deny the validity of the scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Never wear anything that panics the cat.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn’t think possible in today’s world. They have created a land of make-believe that’s worse than regular life.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There’s a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.”
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