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P.J. O'Rourke Quotes

P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “B students work for C students. A students teach.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Microeconomics is about money you don’t have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn’t afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Commies love concrete.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people’s feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn’t think possible in today’s world. They have created a land of make-believe that’s worse than regular life.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You can’t get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That’s all you need to know about communism.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “We’ll run this planet as we please, and if you don’t like it, go back where we came from.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There’s a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It’s also closer.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked “What’s the big idea?” knows, most big ideas are bad ones.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Where self-interest is suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control that dries up the wellsprings of initiative and creativity.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don’t think that way. We don’t think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you’ve got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we’re careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Just as some things are too strange for fiction, others are too true for journalism.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I’ll add it to the wrong end.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I’ll take the money.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Government conspiracy? They can’t even deliver our mail and it’s got our address on it and everything!”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When a thing defies physical law, there’s usually politics involved.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “This country was founded by religious nuts with guns.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection.”
P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Never wear anything that panics the cat.”
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