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P.J. O'Rourke Quotes

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P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”

Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

— P.J. O'Rourke



P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.”

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “B students work for C students. A students teach.”

B students work for C students. A students teach.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.”

When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.”

No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.”

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.”

It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

— P.J. O'Rourke



P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.”

Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.”

It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected.”

Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Microeconomics is about money you don’t have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.”

Microeconomics is about money you don’t have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.”

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Commies love concrete.”

Commies love concrete.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people’s feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.”

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people’s feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn’t afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.”

Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn’t afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.”

There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

— P.J. O'Rourke



P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.”

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn’t think possible in today’s world. They have created a land of make-believe that’s worse than regular life.”

With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn’t think possible in today’s world. They have created a land of make-believe that’s worse than regular life.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “We’ll run this planet as we please, and if you don’t like it, go back where we came from.”

We’ll run this planet as we please, and if you don’t like it, go back where we came from.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit.”

Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You can’t get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That’s all you need to know about communism.”

You can’t get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That’s all you need to know about communism.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked “What’s the big idea?” knows, most big ideas are bad ones.”

Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked “What’s the big idea?” knows, most big ideas are bad ones.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.”

Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don’t think that way. We don’t think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you’ve got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.”

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don’t think that way. We don’t think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you’ve got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.”

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we’re careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.”

And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we’re careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Where self-interest is suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control that dries up the wellsprings of initiative and creativity.”

Where self-interest is suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control that dries up the wellsprings of initiative and creativity.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I’ll take the money.”

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I’ll take the money.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “When a thing defies physical law, there’s usually politics involved.”

When a thing defies physical law, there’s usually politics involved.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “This country was founded by religious nuts with guns.”

This country was founded by religious nuts with guns.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?”

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “You may be surprised to discover you’re rich, especially if you’re broke.”

You may be surprised to discover you’re rich, especially if you’re broke.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.”

Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off.”

There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink.”

Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.”

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they’d better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.”

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they’d better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time.”

Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.”

A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I’d been awake for three weeks and didn’t know any of the naked people passed out around me.”

I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I’d been awake for three weeks and didn’t know any of the naked people passed out around me.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.”

People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.

— P.J. O'Rourke


P.J. O'Rourke Quote: “Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don’t need any of those things.”

Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don’t need any of those things.

— P.J. O'Rourke

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