Top 250 Bill Watterson Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!”

— Bill Watterson

102. “I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.”

— Bill Watterson

103. “I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. – Calvin.”

— Bill Watterson

104. “As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”

— Bill Watterson

105. “I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification. -Calvin.”

— Bill Watterson

106. “I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I always know I’ve got to go to school the next day. It’s like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution.”

— Bill Watterson

107. “I’m a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.”

— Bill Watterson

108. “The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.”

— Bill Watterson

109. “No sport is less organized than Calvinball.”

— Bill Watterson

110. “Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.”

— Bill Watterson

111. “I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.”

— Bill Watterson

112. “Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!”

— Bill Watterson

113. “It must be hard to cook if you anthropomorphisize your vegetables.”

— Bill Watterson

114. “Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.”

— Bill Watterson

115. “Girls are like slugs – they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what.”

— Bill Watterson

116. “Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.”

— Bill Watterson

117. “Reading goes faster if you don’t sweat comprehension.”

— Bill Watterson

118. “I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.”

— Bill Watterson

119. “A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.”

— Bill Watterson

120. “Calvin : There’s no problem so awful, that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse.”

— Bill Watterson

121. “It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.”

— Bill Watterson

122. “Books are almost always better than the movies made from them, because there are things books do well and things movies do well, but usually those things don’t overlap: the same with comics and animation.”

— Bill Watterson

123. “Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I’m not sure man needs the help.”

— Bill Watterson

124. “If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.”

— Bill Watterson

125. “I’m related to people I don’t relate to.”

— Bill Watterson

126. “For no reason I can think of, I’ve wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.”

— Bill Watterson

127. “Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?”

— Bill Watterson

128. “Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.”

— Bill Watterson

129. “So long, Pop! I’m off to check my tiger trap!”

— Bill Watterson

130. “I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian!”

— Bill Watterson

131. “I’m resolving to just wing it and see what happens.”

— Bill Watterson

132. “The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!”

— Bill Watterson

133. “Heck, what’s a little extortion among friends?”

— Bill Watterson

134. “Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone. -Hobbes.”

— Bill Watterson

135. “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.”

— Bill Watterson

136. “I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.”

— Bill Watterson

137. “The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse.”

— Bill Watterson

138. “So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?”

— Bill Watterson

139. “For your information, I’m staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don’t like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! It’s a free country! I don’t need anyone’s permission to be the way I want! This is who I am – Take it or leave it!”

— Bill Watterson

140. “I know the world isn’t fair, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?”

— Bill Watterson

141. “HOBBES: Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.”

— Bill Watterson

142. “Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.”

— Bill Watterson

143. “Leader, bandits at 2 o’clock! Roger; it’s only 1:30 now-what’ll I do ’til then?”

— Bill Watterson

144. “It’s not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art.”

— Bill Watterson

145. “It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.”

— Bill Watterson

146. “Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God? Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!”

— Bill Watterson

147. “It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.”

— Bill Watterson

148. “What fun is it being cool if you can’t wear a sombrero?”

— Bill Watterson

149. “In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.”

— Bill Watterson

150. “If your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”

— Bill Watterson