Top 500 Chuck Palahniuk Quotes (2024 Update)
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401. “Control the things you can control. As for the rest – God bless it all.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

402. “Imagine if Jesus chased you around, trying to catch you and save your soul. Not just a patient passive God, but a hardworking, aggressive bloodhound. We want the criminal to confess during the trial. We want him to be exposed in the drawing room scene, surrounded by his peers. The detective is a shepherd, and we want the criminal back in the fold, returned to us. We love him. We miss him. We want to hug him. Mona.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

403. “I have a lot of money.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

404. “This is the worst problem with living history museums. They always leave the best parts out. Like typhus. And opium. And scarlet letters. Shunning. Witch-burning.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

405. “Consider that the earth is a processing plant, a factory. Picture a tumbler used to polish rocks: a rolling drum filled with water and sand. Consider that your soul is dropped in as an ugly rock, some raw mineral or natural resource, crude oil, mineral ore. And all conflict and pain is the abrasive that rubs us, polishes our soul, refines us, teaches and finishes us over lifetime after lifetime.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

406. “I write because it’s a way of presenting something without having to be there.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

407. “You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, never wanted you, in all probability he hates you. It’s not the worst thing that could happen.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

408. “Porque tener hijos es el opio del pueblo.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

409. “Because everything up to now is a story and everything after now is a story.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

410. “Yes, Icarus fell to earth after flying too close to the sun, but what a glorious fall it must have been. Almost worth the flaming wings tied to his arms, waving helplessly in a shower of.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

411. “The girl is infectious human waste, and she’s confused and afraid to commit to the wrong thing and so she won’t commit to anything.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

412. “I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

413. “You love me. You ignore me. You save my life, then you cook my mother into soap.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

414. “Six hundred and forty fish later, the only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

415. “Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?”

— Chuck Palahniuk

416. “Demon or angel or evil spirit, I just need something to show itself. Ghoulie or ghosty or long-legged beastie, I just want my hand held.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

417. “If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?”

— Chuck Palahniuk

418. “If it is the case that love does survive death, then you may consider this to be a happy ending. Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. Happily ever after or not.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

419. “Here are the shadows left behind by a thousand moments, a thousand moods, of needs traced here on the wall by men who are gone. Here is the record of their being here.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

420. “Because after you’ve crossed some lines, you just keep crossing them. And there’s no escaping from constant escape. Distracting ourselves. Avoiding confrontation. Getting past the moment. Jacking off. Television. Denial.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

421. “You don’t care where I live or how I feel, or what I eat or how I feed my kids or how I pay the doctor if I get sick, and yes I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

422. “The feeling is less like an ending than just another starting point.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

423. “You can spend your whole life building a wall of facts between you and anything real.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

424. “Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

425. “Torture is torture and humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

426. “This isn’t about love as in caring. This is about property as in ownership.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

427. “We’d turn our lives into a terrible adventure. A true-life horror story with a happy ending. A trial we’d survive to talk about.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

428. “My first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

429. “Now this is the first rule of fight club: There is nothing a blue collar Nobody in Oregon with a public school education can imagine that a million-billion people haven’t already done...”

— Chuck Palahniuk

430. “What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

431. “I still love him so much I’ll hide any amount of conjugated estrogen in his food. So much I’ll do anything to destroy him.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

432. “In the big factory of perfecting human souls, the Earth was kind of tumbler. The sale as the kind people use to polish rocks. All souls come here to rub the sharp edges off each other. This isn’t suffering. It’s erosion.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

433. “Mit einem Schwert in deinem Herzen sterben.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

434. “The gyms you go to are crowded with guys trying to look like men, as if being a man means looking the way a sculptor or an art director says.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

435. “Sometimes you do something, and you get screwed. Sometimes it’s the things you don’t do, and you get screwed.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

436. “Just for the record, she still loves you. She wouldn’t bother to torture you if she didn’t.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

437. “Women are already born so far ahead ability-wise. The day men can give birth, that’s when we can start talking about equal rights.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

438. “She’s not wearing makeup so her face just looks like skin.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

439. “If you look at old pictures, Irene Casey is so pretty. Not just young, but pretty the way you look when your face goes smooth, the skin around your eyes and lips relaxed, the pretty you only look when you love the person taking the picture.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

440. “This was the goal of Project Mayhem, Tyler said, the complete and right-away destruction of civilization.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

441. “To preserve yourself as the center of the world, to stay your own best authority on everything, your own expert on all topics, infallible, omniscient. Always, every time of the month, forever: Use birth control.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

442. “That quest for something pretty. A cheat. A cliche. Flowers and Christmas lights, it’s what we’re programmed to love.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

443. “Any time some well-meaning person forces you to demonstrate you have no talent and rubs your nose in the fact you’re a failure at the only dream you ever had, take another drink.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

444. “If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

445. “Portland in particular is a cheap enough place to live that you can still develop your passion – painting, writing, music. People seem less status-conscious. Even wealthy people buy second-hand clothes and look a little bit homeless.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

446. “I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

447. “Of all the priceless objects left behind, this is what we rescue. These artifacts. Memory cues. Useless souvenirs. Nothing you could auction. The scars left from happiness.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

448. “The police are asking through the bedroom door, why did I make a batch of strawberry daiquiris before I called them? Because we were out of raspberries. Because, can’t they see, it just does not matter. Time was not of the essence.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

449. “It takes a lot to get people talking in airplanes. But once they start talking, you just can’t shut them up.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

450. “The little boy smiled back at all the angry faces glaring in at him. And the little boy blew kisses.”

— Chuck Palahniuk