Top 60 Doug Larson Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”

— Doug Larson

Featured in: Funny Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Demotivational Quotes, Boss Quotes, Funny Office Quotes

2. “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.”

— Doug Larson

Featured in: Quotes About Listening

3. “The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.”

— Doug Larson

Featured in: Patience Quotes

4. “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”

— Doug Larson

5. “Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.”

— Doug Larson

6. “Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.”

— Doug Larson

Featured in: Impossible Quotes, Smart Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

7. “Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”

— Doug Larson

8. “Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.”

— Doug Larson

9. “If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.”

— Doug Larson

10. “A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.”

— Doug Larson

11. “Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”

— Doug Larson

12. “Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.”

— Doug Larson

13. “It’s your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.”

— Doug Larson

14. “Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.”

— Doug Larson

15. “There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.”

— Doug Larson

Featured in: Being Happy Quotes

16. “For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.”

— Doug Larson

17. “A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.”

— Doug Larson

18. “Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.”

— Doug Larson

Featured in: Being Happy Quotes

19. “If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”

— Doug Larson

20. “The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.”

— Doug Larson

21. “The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.”

— Doug Larson

22. “A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.”

— Doug Larson

23. “A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.”

— Doug Larson

24. “A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.”

— Doug Larson

25. “Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.”

— Doug Larson

26. “The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.”

— Doug Larson

27. “Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.”

— Doug Larson

28. “Democracy is a system that gives people a chance to elect rascals of their own choice.”

— Doug Larson

29. “The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.”

— Doug Larson

30. “Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.”

— Doug Larson

31. “Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.”

— Doug Larson

32. “How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?”

— Doug Larson

33. “What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.”

— Doug Larson

34. “Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.”

— Doug Larson

35. “Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.”

— Doug Larson

36. “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”

— Doug Larson

37. “It’s a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.”

— Doug Larson

38. “There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.”

— Doug Larson

39. “A lifetime isn’t nearly long enough to figure out what it’s all about.”

— Doug Larson

40. “Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”

— Doug Larson

41. “Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours.”

— Doug Larson

42. “Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.”

— Doug Larson

43. “The trouble with the last snowfall of the season is that you can’t be sure.”

— Doug Larson

44. “Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights, the greater the distance between gates.”

— Doug Larson

45. “For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.”

— Doug Larson

46. “People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.”

— Doug Larson

47. “Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”

— Doug Larson

48. “The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.”

— Doug Larson

49. “Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.”

— Doug Larson

50. “The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.”

— Doug Larson