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Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Erma Bombeck Quote: “There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me” Erma Bombeck as quoted in A Christmas Blessing.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “She’s as funny as a toothache.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Housework can kill you if done right.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty “just adding water.” Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When you’re an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Mother’s words of wisdom: Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth!”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My mother won’t admit it, but I’ve always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she’ll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I never go to a college reunion that I don’t come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It’s like stealing a two-year-old.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Hello there. I’m out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you’re anybody, I’ll get back to you.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The bad times I can handle. It’s the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Most children’s first words are ‘Mama’ or ‘Daddy.’ Mine were, ‘Do I have to use my own money?’”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Every puppy should have a boy.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The woman who says, ‘My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us’ is a psychopathic liar.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Families aren’t easy to join. They’re like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, ‘There’s nothing to eat!’”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, “Could I get you your check?” and we answered, “How about the menu first?””
Erma Bombeck Quote: “You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home.”
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