Top 250 Erma Bombeck Quotes (2024 Update)
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Erma Bombeck Quote: “Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.”

251. “Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don’t necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I’d be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can’t have everything.”

252. “Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don’t necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I’d be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can’t have everything.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.”

253. “Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

254. “Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.”

255. “A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Family life got better and we got our car back – as soon as we put ‘I love Mom’ on the license plate.”

256. “Family life got better and we got our car back – as soon as we put ‘I love Mom’ on the license plate.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Myths that need clarification: “Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach.” False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.”

257. “Myths that need clarification: “Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach.” False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.”

258. “A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.”

259. “To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.”

260. “Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “I brought children into this lousy, mixed-up world because when you love someone and they love you back, the world doesn’t look that lousy or seem that mixed up.”

261. “I brought children into this lousy, mixed-up world because when you love someone and they love you back, the world doesn’t look that lousy or seem that mixed up.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.”

262. “I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.”

263. “Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.”

264. “Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “When a man’s got cream in the refrigerator at home, he won’t go out looking for two-percent butterfat.”

265. “When a man’s got cream in the refrigerator at home, he won’t go out looking for two-percent butterfat.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “All I know is I was possibly the only woman in the world dedicated to inner peace and tranquility who would end up with varicose veins of the neck from shouting.”

266. “All I know is I was possibly the only woman in the world dedicated to inner peace and tranquility who would end up with varicose veins of the neck from shouting.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “Okies who had just stepped into the corridor long enough to get a tin can of water for our boiling radiator. There are other stories, other dilemmas, but the characters never change. We’re always standing around, unwashed, uncurled, harried, penniless, memory gone, no lipstick, no hose, unmatched shoes, and using the dirtiest cloth in the house to bind our wounds. Makes.”

267. “Okies who had just stepped into the corridor long enough to get a tin can of water for our boiling radiator. There are other stories, other dilemmas, but the characters never change. We’re always standing around, unwashed, uncurled, harried, penniless, memory gone, no lipstick, no hose, unmatched shoes, and using the dirtiest cloth in the house to bind our wounds. Makes.”

— Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quote: “A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”

268. “A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”

— Erma Bombeck

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