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Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Erma Bombeck Quote: “What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I firmly believe kids don’t want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you’re in big trouble.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’m so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Success is outliving your failures.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “God created man, but I could do better.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I don’t know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “For the first two years of a child’s life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn’t show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can’t make it stay awake.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It was a bitter moment for us. We weren’t two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy’s permission, blessings, and money to survive.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “For some unexplained reason, it’s always the other end of the table that’s wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays ‘Holiday for Strings’ on water glasses.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I think it’s time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don’t have room to carry their own toys, if men don’t have pockets in their pants, tougho.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ‘Checkout Time is 18 years.’”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My idea of ‘roughing it’ is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, ‘No thank you’ to desert that night. And for what?!”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’m on a diet as my skin doesn’t fit me anymore.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions; it’s a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Bombeck’s Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, ‘Yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.’ Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they’re still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, ‘How good or how bad am I?’ That’s where courage comes in.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never have more children than you have car windows.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy’s little boy becomes Mommy’s little boy, the kid is so wet he’s treading water.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’”
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