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Top 250 Erma Bombeck Quotes (2023 Update)
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Erma Bombeck Quote: “One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, ‘No thank you’ to desert that night. And for what?!”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn’t going to fly. It’s too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I didn’t fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It’s all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Spend at least one Mother’s Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The fact was I didn’t want to look my age, but I didn’t want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Laugh now, cry later.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never order food in excess of your body weight.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A small waist makes you tire easily.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I lost everything in the post-natal depression.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won’t open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Do I have to use my own money?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cats invented self-esteem.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I don’t know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.”
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