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Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Erma Bombeck Quote: “You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody’s home.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I didn’t fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It’s all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Laugh now, cry later.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The fact was I didn’t want to look my age, but I didn’t want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never order food in excess of your body weight.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Spend at least one Mother’s Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I lost everything in the post-natal depression.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I don’t know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cats invented self-esteem.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Do I have to use my own money?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Why take pride in cooking, when they don’t take pride in eating?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’m so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A small waist makes you tire easily.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won’t open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I firmly believe kids don’t want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you’re in big trouble.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Success is outliving your failures.”
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