Top 100

Top 250 Erma Bombeck Quotes (2023 Update)

Erma Bombeck Quote: “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there...”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never accept a drink from a urologist.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Children make your life important.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When humor go’s, there go’s civilization.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I used everything you gave me.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “No One Diets on Thanksgiving.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The term ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children’s eyes, they’d flinch and call their attorney.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
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