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Erma Bombeck Quotes

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Erma Bombeck Quote: “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

— Erma Bombeck



Erma Bombeck Quote: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.”

Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.”

Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.”

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.”

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.”

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.”

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.

— Erma Bombeck



Erma Bombeck Quote: “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.”

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.”

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.”

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.”

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

— Erma Bombeck



Erma Bombeck Quote: “As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.”

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “When humor go’s, there go’s civilization.”

When humor go’s, there go’s civilization.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.”

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.”

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there...”

Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there...

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never accept a drink from a urologist.”

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.”

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.”

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.”

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.”

When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.”

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “The term ‘working mother’ is redundant.”

The term ‘working mother’ is redundant.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?”

If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.”

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children’s eyes, they’d flinch and call their attorney.”

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children’s eyes, they’d flinch and call their attorney.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.”

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Children make your life important.”

Children make your life important.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.”

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.”

Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.”

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “No One Diets on Thanksgiving.”

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

— Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck Quote: “Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

— Erma Bombeck

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