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Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Erma Bombeck Quote: “My idea of ‘roughing it’ is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It’s frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, “In Case of Fire, Throw This in First.” I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It’s un-American. It’s like Simon without Garfunkel.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’ve always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I’ll show you an orphan.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were ’room service.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I’ve cooked bigger turkeys than her “before” picture.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Bombeck’s Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can’t pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, “Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It would have been a wonderful wedding – had it not been mine.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’ve always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, “Where did I come from, Mommy?” They will range from “Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York,” to “You were defrosted.””
Erma Bombeck Quote: “What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “One son appears in stereo – a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other...”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’ve never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying “Open!” was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “If compliments were food, I’d have starved to death 28 years ago.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I don’t think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I’m on a diet as my skin doesn’t fit me anymore.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “There are basic differences between food and clothing. You eat food and wear clothing. Food goes in; clothing goes on. 2. Do not bite anything that will bite back. This includes the dog, other babies, electrical cords and your father when he is watching professional football on television. 3. Washing your face after a meal is not considered cruel and unusual punishment. It won’t do any good to report Mommy and Daddy to the police. 4.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Family life got better and we got our car back – as soon as we put ‘I love Mom’ on the license plate.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.”
Erma Bombeck Quote: “Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.”
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