Top 400 Gail Carriger Quotes (2026 Update)
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151. “I have died and gone to the land of bad novels,” was Squire Loontwill’s response. “I am ill-equipped to cope with such an occurrence.”

— Gail Carriger

152. “With a resigned shrug, she screamed and collapsed into a faint. She stayed resolutely fainted, despite the liberal application of smelling salts, which made her eyes water most tremendously, a cramp in the back of one knee, and the fact that her new ball gown was getting most awfully wrinkled.”

— Gail Carriger

153. “I detest nice weather. Everyone feels compelled to do things out of doors.”

— Gail Carriger

154. “What she said was “I want a man who stays out of my way.”

— Gail Carriger

155. “Their conversation was a flow of erudite commentary, moist with the syrup of a superior education. She.”

— Gail Carriger

156. “Alexia gave in to his demanding touch, but only, of course, because he sounded so pathetic. It had nothing, whatsoever to do with her own quickening heartbeat.”

— Gail Carriger

157. “Strange place, that overseas land, where religion and wealth did the talking and history and age held so little sway.”

— Gail Carriger

158. “Well, you are a werewolf, Scottish, naked, and covered in blood, and I am still holding your hand.” He.”

— Gail Carriger

159. “Please come sit in a chair with me in my library and don’t talk too much and when you do speak, say something smart? If we’re lucky the cat will sit on top of us.”

— Gail Carriger

160. “Rue carried her mother’s parasol, which was too ugly to match any of her outfits, but was more sturdy than any of her fashionable ones. This one, felt Rue, could really cause damage to a noggin if applied with enough enthusiasm. Somehow this made her feel more secure about life in general.”

— Gail Carriger

161. “He was clutching at his indelicate bits and writhing about.”

— Gail Carriger

162. “Where were the scientific pamphlets that taught a woman how to listen to herself die?”

— Gail Carriger

163. “The burden of a spy, Lord Akeldama always said, was not in the knowing of things but in knowing when to tell such things to others.”

— Gail Carriger

164. “I think we seldom regret the risks we take as much as the times we did not try at all.”

— Gail Carriger

165. “CHAPTER TWO In Which Inventors Have Powerful Dimples Imogene.”

— Gail Carriger

166. “It takes a great deal of money to acquire a look of not having spent any at all.”

— Gail Carriger

167. “I’m overburdened by strange occurrences at the moment.”

— Gail Carriger

168. “With his wife’s imperious face peering down at him, Lord Maccon took a moment to wonder why he had thought to crave such a woman in his life. Alexia bent over and nibbled at his chest. Ah, yes, initiative and ingenuity.”

— Gail Carriger

169. “She ought to remember to stay on her guard, for it was when an illegal activity became easy that one was most at risk of exposure.”

— Gail Carriger

170. “It must be said, however, that large hairy men ill-suited pink ruffles. It was like seeing a mastiff in an ostrich feather boa.”

— Gail Carriger

171. “Please don’t. When you think about things, Sophronia, they only get more complicated. This thing between us could be so very easy, if you let it.”

— Gail Carriger

172. “She also had a French accent, which hundreds of years of animosity had trained nice young Englishwomen to suspect as evil.”

— Gail Carriger

173. “Sensing a favourable shift, Prim called for celebratory muffins and jam. Muffins and jam seemed to sooth everyone’s temper, particularly the Alpha Vanara’s whose delight in the jam was that of a child discovering blancmange for the first time. Rue could sympathise. She often felt that way about really good jam, not to mention blancmange. And this was, after all, gooseberry.”

— Gail Carriger

174. “All were annoyed with life, except, of course, those who were dead. The werewolves stacked them neatly in three piles – dead, not dead, and snack-sized.”

— Gail Carriger

175. “Some of the most disagreeable people I know are the most ladylike.”

— Gail Carriger

176. “Good-bye, my lord,” he said, meaning it this time. Because that smell would always be there now. Because it would be the last time he said “my lord” to any vampire. Because under lost love and changed identities was one ineffable fact more vital than the horror of that smell – every fiber in Biffy’s werewolf knew he was no servant to this man anymore. And never would be again.”

— Gail Carriger

177. “And vampires were perverted. Or so she hoped.”

— Gail Carriger

178. “Sometimes I can even pick up messages intended for other aethographors.” He frowned a moment. “Story of my life, if you think about it.”

— Gail Carriger

179. “Werewolves had to obey the laws of physics just like everyone else. The.”

— Gail Carriger

180. “I could practically hear her thoughts sliding about in her head, like water over pebbles. Very slow water over very large pebbles.”

— Gail Carriger

181. “Your daughter would like to know if you are still going insane, dear.” Paw considered this. “I’ve been married to your mother for over two decades. You might allow me certain dispensation for eccentricity.”

— Gail Carriger

182. “To be stupid was one thing; to be stupid and evil yielded up untidy consequences.”

— Gail Carriger

183. “And I need to be where other people are not for a while. Percy knew himself well enough for that.”

— Gail Carriger

184. “It was difficult to see the exact nature of his expression as, in addition to the ubiquitous mustache, the clockmaker also wore a golden-brown beard of such epic proportions as might dwarf a mulberry bush. It was as though his mustache had become overly enthusiastic and, seized with the spirit of adventure, set out to conquer the southern reaches of his face in a take-no-prisoners kind of way.”

— Gail Carriger

185. “You think loyalty can be bought?” “Don’t you?”

— Gail Carriger

186. “I must send a beard to rescue a mustache!”

— Gail Carriger

187. “In a desperate bid to reestablish civilized talk and decorum, Miss Hisselpenny said, quite loudly, “I see they are bringing in the fish course. What a pleasant surprise. I do so love fish. Don’t you Mr., uh, Dubh. It is so very, um, salty.”

— Gail Carriger

188. “Miss Alexia Tarabotti was not enjoying her evening. Private balls were never more than middling amusements for spinsters, and Miss Tarabotti was not the kind of spinster who could garner even that much pleasure from the event. To put the pudding in the puff: she had retreated to the library, her favorite sanctuary in any house, only to happen upon an unexpected vampire. She.”

— Gail Carriger

189. “They filled Woolsey Castle with music and art, drifting about in a fog of intellectualism, and like any fog, they were unpredictable and occasionally quite damp. Imogene.”

— Gail Carriger

190. “To Percy’s delight, Arsenic staunchly resisted developing any possible chatterbox tendencies. Their long silences might have become uncomfortable, except for their mutual joy in quiet and the ameliorating presence of Footnote. The cat divided his time between them. He showed a marked preference for Arsenic’s lap and Percy’s feet, and happily basked in the attention of whichever human was most easily distracted at any given moment.”

— Gail Carriger

191. “Well, if I must, fine. I’ll guard the retreat,” said Alexia. “Buy us some time.” “What, in a clock shop?”

— Gail Carriger

192. “Sophronia and Dimity took a vacant love seat at the front, Sophronia dislodging a large, fluffy cat with a scrunched-up face. The cat gave her a disgusted look. Or seemed to; it was hard to tell with that face.”

— Gail Carriger

193. “Things were always funnier when one was lying down.”

— Gail Carriger

194. “They never could entirely control preternaturals. It’s your pragmatism. Your kind cannot be persuaded by faith; pure logic must be applied.”

— Gail Carriger

195. “Lord Maccon was Scottish-big; this gentleman was only English-big – there was a distinct difference.”

— Gail Carriger

196. “I do not giggle without purpose. Lady Linette says you should never misapply a giggle.”

— Gail Carriger

197. “If that Alpha wanted to dash off into the jungle with a mysterious goddess on her back on a whimsical evening run in the middle of a prospective battle, they would go with her.”

— Gail Carriger

198. “He was not very big, mostly because he was not a very big human, and the basic principles of conservation of mass still applied whether supernatural or not. Werewolves had to obey the laws of physics just like everyone else.”

— Gail Carriger

199. “Lord Akeldama waggled a wrist limply in the air. “There is a sizable game in motion, my darlings. I depend upon you all to play it with your usual consummate skill.”

— Gail Carriger

200. “Well, I am terribly concerned for your health. One simply should not weigh so much at your age.” Lady Maccon poked at a sagging carrot and wondered if anyone would miss her dear sister were she to be oh-so-gently tipped over the rail of the upper deck.”

— Gail Carriger