Top 400 Gail Carriger Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “It’ll all end in tears and oil.”

— Gail Carriger

2. “A vampire, like a lady, never reveals his true age.”

— Gail Carriger

3. “Rail is such an undignified way to travel. All that rapid racing about. Floating has so much more gravitas.”

— Gail Carriger

4. “She moved with such purpose it was as though she walked with exclamation marks.”

— Gail Carriger

5. “Alphas simply did not grovel; arrogance was part of the job description.”

— Gail Carriger

6. “You must be careful with those green sparkles of yours. You know Calypso’s green eyes trapped Odysseus on her island for seven years? I could live in those eyes of yours.”

— Gail Carriger

7. “I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.”

— Gail Carriger

8. “These feelings you engender in me, my lord, are most indelicate. You should stop causing them immediately.”

— Gail Carriger

9. “Ah, Ivy, thought Alexia happily, spreading a verbal fog wherever she goes.”

— Gail Carriger

10. “Lyall had spent centuries nibbling about the great layered cake that was polite society while Lord Akeldama acted the part of the frosting on its top.”

— Gail Carriger

11. “Just because history says it isn’t possible doesn’t mean that there aren’t exceptions.”

— Gail Carriger

12. “One should do what one is best at on as large a scale as possible.”

— Gail Carriger

13. “I have died and gone to the land of bad novels.”

— Gail Carriger

14. “The Ottoman Empire was a glorious time for tassels.”

— Gail Carriger

15. “He nuzzled in at her neck kissing and licking her softly just below her ear. “Just a moment ” he said. “I need a small reminder that you are here you are whole and you are mine.”

— Gail Carriger

16. “You will be the death of me. But such a lovely way to go.”

— Gail Carriger

17. “And the three ladies, as is often the case when women of sense serve tea to men of passion, prevailed.”

— Gail Carriger

18. “Stop playing verbal games with me, madam, or I shall go out into that ballroom, find your mother, and bring her here.”

— Gail Carriger

19. “No one ever explained the octopuses.”

— Gail Carriger

20. “Why Alexia that is quite beautiful. It does ot reflect your customary taste at all approved Miss Hisselpenny with glee. Trust Ivy to like the hideous thing for it’s looks.”

— Gail Carriger

21. “The vampire’s eyes were open, and he was staring at her intently. It was as though he were trying to speak to her with simply the power of a glare. Alexia did not speak glare-ish.”

— Gail Carriger

22. “Lord Maccon was built like a brick outhouse, with opinions twice as unmoving and often equally full of crap.”

— Gail Carriger

23. “Spin the parasol three times and repeat after me: I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol.”

— Gail Carriger

24. “Ivy Hisselpenny was the unfortunate victim of circumstances that dictated she be only-just-pretty, only-just-wealthy, and possessed of a terrible propensity for wearing extremely silly hats.”

— Gail Carriger

25. “She boasted the general battle-ax demeanor of an especially strict governess. This was the kind of woman who took her tea black, smoked cigars after midnight, played a mean game of cribbage, and kept a bevy of repulsive little dogs. Alexia liked her immediately.”

— Gail Carriger

26. “Who doesn’t want an exploding wicker chicken?”

— Gail Carriger

27. “Lady Maccon cogitated. She would like to encourage this new spirit of social-mindedness. If Felicity needed anything in her life, it was a cause. Then she might stop nitpicking everyone else.”

— Gail Carriger

28. “How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all.”

— Gail Carriger

29. “History wasn’t precisely revered for its accuracy at the best of times.”

— Gail Carriger

30. “A man was attacking me with a wet handkerchief.”

— Gail Carriger

31. “Bland, good as a side dish, but really only palatable when there is nothing better available.”

— Gail Carriger

32. “Lord Akeldama did so love to know all the gossip about the mundane world, but it was in the manner of a cat amusing himself among the butterflies without a need to interfere should their wings get torn off. They were only butterflies, after all.”

— Gail Carriger

33. “It’s no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill.”

— Gail Carriger

34. “Excellent. Ignorance is most undervalued in a student.”

— Gail Carriger

35. “You, sir, are a bad scientist!”

— Gail Carriger

36. “We do not suit. You have no genuine interest in botany!”Lady Violet practically yelled her final conclusion. This was the biggest sin of them all.”

— Gail Carriger

37. “Floote, what is going on? Do they think I am contagious? Should I assure them I was born with a nose this size?”

— Gail Carriger

38. “A girl’s boudoir was sacred!”

— Gail Carriger

39. “A lady is never disreputable in public, unless intended for manipulation of sympathies.”

— Gail Carriger

40. “Cats were not, in her experience, an animal with much soul. Prosaic, practical little creatures as a general rule. It would suit her very well to be thought catlike.”

— Gail Carriger

41. “Sophronia was minding her own business and running late to luncheon, as was her custom. She’d let to learn the advantage of punctuality. As she told Sister Mattie the third time she was late to household potions and poisons, nothing interesting happened until after an event commenced.”

— Gail Carriger

42. “Oh, Lady Maccon, I am unreservedly in love with her. That black hair, that sweet disposition, those capital hats.”

— Gail Carriger

43. “The ill-informed masses included her own family among their ranks, a family that specialized in being both inconvenient and asinine.”

— Gail Carriger

44. “Really, Alexia, what could have possessed you to attach yourself to the side of the ship in such a juvenile fashion? It is positively barnacle-like.”

— Gail Carriger

45. “Shame on you! Bad vampire.”

— Gail Carriger

46. “You are about as covert as a sledgehammer.”

— Gail Carriger

47. “But there is a sign!” objected Primrose in semi-shock. “A sign indicating pets aren’t permitted. Really, some people.”

— Gail Carriger

48. “Ut acerbus terminus. To the bitter end.”

— Gail Carriger

49. “They decided the mummy would be unwrapped, for the titillation of the ladies, just after dinner.”

— Gail Carriger

50. “The Pantechnicon stored and distributed a good deal of furniture as well. The very idea of a lady of good breeding visiting such a place. There would be tables lying about, on their sides, naked! Not to mention flaccid dirigibles! Alexia shuddered at the very idea.”

— Gail Carriger