Top 400 Gail Carriger Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “The Earl of Woolsey was indeed completely nude. He did not seem particularly perturbed by this fact, but Miss Tarabotti felt the sudden need to close her eyes tight and think about asparagus or something equally mundane.”

— Gail Carriger

Featured in: Romance Quotes

252. “Gavin tried not to stare at the lobster. He decided not to inquire further. Whatever Jack’s reasoning, best to accept that crustaceans were necessary to his view of the world.”

— Gail Carriger

Featured in: Romance Quotes

253. “She felt, in fact, very absent from herself. Adrift, as if nothing might bring her back again. Not even tea.”

— Gail Carriger

254. “I believe there is a considerable range in the bang of most guns.”

— Gail Carriger

255. “Consider the necessary, analyze the consequences, clean up the mess.”

— Gail Carriger

256. “You know vampires and solicitors – practically indistinguishable.”

— Gail Carriger

257. “Can’t you tell from the hair and the cheekbones? Humans don’t grow that beautiful. Not outside of Denmark, anyway.”

— Gail Carriger

258. “Shut your cake hole, you revolting young blot.”

— Gail Carriger

259. “Professor Lyall, cursing his Alpha for departing so precipitously, balled up the piece of paper and, after minor consideration for the delicacy of the information it contained, ate it.”

— Gail Carriger

260. “Saw your nicely strung-up slab of bacon.” “Don’t insult bacon,” said Sidheag.”

— Gail Carriger

261. “The redhead whispered, “No, what’s a man like down there?” “Oh.” Sidheag wrinkled her nose. “Unimpressive. They have” – she gestured toward her own nether regions with one hand – “a sort of dangly sausage – lacks tailoring.” Sophronia blinked in surprise. That sounded worse than Sidheag’s description of a werewolf shift.”

— Gail Carriger

262. “Just a short visit, enough for a mild dismemberment?”

— Gail Carriger

263. “I’m Scottish,” as if that would explain everything. The duke nodded, as if it did. “Yes, well, we can’t all be from the right side of the country. Would.”

— Gail Carriger

264. “Oh, Sophronia, thank goodness. Save me? Please? All those young girls, in pastels, talking about the weather. I shall go jump off a bridge, I swear I shall. Do you have bridges in Wiltshire? They chatter, they chatter worse than Dimity ever did. Oh, the chattering! The chattering, it haunts me.”

— Gail Carriger

265. “Alexia was rather strapping. He preferred her that way. Undersized women reminded him of yippy dogs.”

— Gail Carriger

266. “Yes?” Percy did not try to tame the grumpiness in his voice. He hated to be disturbed while he was reading. Of course, he was always reading, but that did not signify.”

— Gail Carriger

267. “Do you know?” “Do I know what?” “If they need more water.” “No, I don’t. You might ask a farmer.” “Don’t be ridiculous. There must be a book on the subject.”

— Gail Carriger

268. “I like fish,” chirruped Tunstell. Felicity drew his attention immediately back to herself. “Really, Mr. Tunstell? What is your preferred breed?” “Well” – Tunstell hesitated – “you know, the um, ones that” – he made a swooping motion with both hands – “uh, swim.”

— Gail Carriger

269. “Lyall understood a broken heart, but it could not be allowed to rumple perfectly good shirtwaists.”

— Gail Carriger

270. “Even Alexia, spinster that she was, was given an allowance large enough to dress her to the height of fashion – although she did tend to stick to trends a little too precisely. The poor thing could not help it. Her choice of clothing simply lacked soul.”

— Gail Carriger

271. “Trust is a lot to ask of someone.”

— Gail Carriger

272. “He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog.”

— Gail Carriger

Featured in: Romance Quotes

273. “Rue was a romantic. Her parents were a love match. Had to be, for there was no other possible explanation for them tolerating one another. Thus Rue held the very peculiar opinion that love made for a most agreeable form of companionship.”

— Gail Carriger

274. “After four marriages, and four deaths, she had everything in life a woman might desire: titled position, swollen coffers, the freedom to travel, and a world that accepted her because it was afraid of her.”

— Gail Carriger

Featured in: Romance Quotes

275. “And, my darlingest of puggles, she is yours to command.” Rue was moved to italics by the gesture. “Mine?”

— Gail Carriger

276. “Poetry can cause irreparable harm when misapplied.”

— Gail Carriger

277. “Acknowledgements With grateful thanks to the three least-appreciated and hardest-working proselytizers of the written word: independent bookstores, librarians, and teachers.”

— Gail Carriger

278. “She investigated further: moving along with little kisses down his throat and over his collarbone until she came to the same location on his neck that on hers was currently a decorative black and blue color. She bit him. Hard. Alexia never did anything by halves.”

— Gail Carriger

Featured in: Romance Quotes

279. “Biffy didn’t like enigmas – they were out of fashion.”

— Gail Carriger

280. “Lord Maccon believed that if his trousers were on his legs, and something else was on his torso, he was dressed. The less done after that, the better. His wife had been startled to find that in the summertime, he actually went around their room barefoot! Once – and only once, mind you – he even attempted to join her for tea in such a state. Impossible man. Alexia put a stop to that posthaste.”

— Gail Carriger

281. “Apparently, gentlemen not only liked to kiss and touch women everywhere, they did that and more, on a regular basis, and mostly not with ladies at all, but with women of less genteel breeding. Some gentlemen, her brothers had whispered, even did it with each other. Although this was considered quite uncouth, Sophronia gathered, once one left Eton.”

— Gail Carriger

282. “Lord Maccon reflected upon the state of his life wherein he had somehow gained a spouse who could not give a pig’s foot for the latest dresses out of Paris but who whined about not owning an aethographic transmitter. Well, at least the two were comparable obsessions so far as expense was concerned.”

— Gail Carriger

283. “I had a recent delivery of new fashion plates from Paris, and you hardly glanced at the hairstyles. My husband tells me you are still having difficulty controlling the change. And your cravat has been tied very simply of late, even for evening events.”

— Gail Carriger

284. “His eyes were jet-colored circles of perpetual disapproval.”

— Gail Carriger

285. “The werewolf hit the exsanguination chamber in a vicious storm of fang and claw and began unceremoniously tearing everything apart. Including the scientists.”

— Gail Carriger

286. “She had to give her teachers credit: they were right to insist all pupils carry scissors, handkerchiefs, perfume and hair ribbons at all times. At some point she’d learn why they also required a red lace doily and a lemon.”

— Gail Carriger

287. “How was I to know idiocy was only a temporary condition, especially in your case? It never has been before!”

— Gail Carriger

288. “If I don’t like it, I stop. Life’s too short to read a book that doesn’t entertain me.”

— Gail Carriger

289. “A ball, at last!” Dimity Plumleigh-Teignmott sank back into her chair in delight.”

— Gail Carriger

290. “Pretty as a pineapple,” pronounced.”

— Gail Carriger

291. “This is madness. Oh, well.”

— Gail Carriger

292. “The French inventor told the acting troupe about Lord Maccon’s death.”

— Gail Carriger

293. “Rue gave a little mental sigh. No one would ever describe her as deadly attractive. She brightened a bit. Perhaps she could aspire to just deadly?”

— Gail Carriger

294. “The Pistons were partly distracted by this short but excitingly fiery chase, and partly distracted by a new threat in the form of a small but enraged Dimity. Dimity, bless her heart, was reciting one of Mademoiselle Geraldine’s longest lectures on proper behavior at a dance, finger shaking in autocratic fury, Lord Dingleproops notwithstanding.”

— Gail Carriger

295. “Ooh, ooh, ooh!” Ivy was practically bouncing in excitement over some kind of revelation. “I had a thought,” she said, examining the edge of the wooden stake with interest. “Oh, yes?” encouraged Alexia loudly. Ivy stopped and frowned, her pert little face creased in worry. “I said I had one. It appears to have vanished.”

— Gail Carriger

296. “Professor Lyall puffed out his cheeks in exasperation. It was like trying to have a conversation with a distracted and very soggy scone. Every time he pushed in one direction the earl either oozed or crumbled.”

— Gail Carriger

297. “No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin.”

— Gail Carriger

298. “Her heart was beating a marathon somewhere in the region of her throat, her skin felt hot and stretched taut over her bones, and she was damp in places she was tolerably certain unmarried gentlewomen were not supposed to be damp in.”

— Gail Carriger

299. “It didn’t feel sporting to shoot at a crazy person, even if that person was a vampire who’d agreed to the job.”

— Gail Carriger

300. “Felix ran his hands through his dark hair, sounding like a resigned maiden aunt. ‘It’ll all end in tears and coal dust, you see if it doesn’t.”

— Gail Carriger