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Top 500 H. L. Mencken Quotes (2025 Update)
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H. L. Mencken Quote: “The scent of frying astronomers long ago ceased to ascend to Yahweh.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “If the American people really tire of democracy and want to make a trial of Fascism, I shall be the last person to object. But if that is their mood, then they had better proceed toward their aim by changing the Constitution and not by forgetting it.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Absence is the dark-room in which lovers develop negatives.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The life of man in this world is like the life of a fly in a room filled with 100 boys, each armed with a fly-swatter.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “A woman usually respects her father, but her view of her husband is mingled with contempt, for she is of course privy to the transparent devices by which she snared him.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Taxation, for example, is eternally lively; it concerns nine-tenths of us more directly than either smallpox or golf, and has just as much drama in it; moreover, it has been mellowed and made gay by as many gaudy, preposterous theories.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “In any combat between a rogue and a fool the sympathy of mankind is always with the rogue.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Why assume so glibly that the God who presumably created the universe is still running it? It is certainly conceivable that He may have finished it and then turned it over to lesser gods to operate.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “War may make a fool of man, but it by no means degrades him; on the contrary, it tends to exalt him, and its net effects are much like those of motherhood on women.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Popularity – The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The essence of self-fulfillment and autonomous culture is an unshakable egotism.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “A skeptic as to all ideas, including especially my own, I have never suffered a pang when the ideas of some other imbecile prevailed.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Any man who, having a child or children he can’t support, proceeds to have another should be sterilized at once.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Perhaps the most revolting character that the United States ever produced was the Christian Businessman.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Citizenship in New York is now worth no more than citizenship in Arkansas, for it is open to any applicant from the marshes of Bessarabia, and, still worse, to any applicant from Arkansas.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Puccini – silver macaroni, exquisitely tangled.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Richard Strauss – Old Home Week in Gomorrah.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The average schoolmaster is and always must be essentially an ass, for how can one imagine an intelligent man engaging in so puerile an avocation.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Never drink if you’ve got any work to do. Never.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The learned are seldom pretty fellows, and in many cases their appearance tends to discourage a love of study in the young.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “There is no record in history of a happy philosopher.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science that smiles in your face while it picks your pocket.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Writing books is certainly a most unpleasant occupation. It is lonesome, unsanitary, and maddening. Many authors go crazy.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The common notion that free speech prevails in the United States always makes me laugh.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Capitalism under democracy has a further advantage: its enemies, even when it is attacked, are scattered and weak, and it is usually easily able to array one half of them against the other half, and thus dispose of both.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The Catholic clergy seldom bother to make their arguments plausible; it is plain that they have little respect for human intelligence, and indeed little belief in its existence.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Liberals have many tails and chase them all.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Chopin – Two embalmers at work upon a minor poetthe scent of tuberosesAutumn rain.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Qualsiasi persona normale di tanto in tanto prova la tentazione di sputarsi nelle mani, issare la bandiera nera e cominciare a tagliare le gole.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Balloonists have an unsurpassed view of the scenery, but there is always the possibility that it may collide with them.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “What is the professor’s function? To pass on to numskulls a body of so-called knowledge that is fragmentary, unimportant, and largely untrue.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “When a private citizen is robbed, a worthy man is deprived of the fruits of his industry and thrift; when the government is robbed, the worst that happens is that certain rogues and loafers have less money to play with than they had before.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “The way to deal with superstition is not to be polite to it, but to tackle it with all arms, and so rout it, cripple it, and make it forever infamous and ridiculous.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Morality is nothing but a struggle for safety.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “All the benefit that a New Yorker gets out of Kansas is no more than what he might get out of Saskatchewan, the Argentine pampas, of Siberia. But New York to a Kansan is not only a place where he may get drunk, look at dirty shows and buy bogus antiques; it is also a place where he may enforce his dunghill ideas upon his betters.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “When I hear artists or authors making fun of businessmen, I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Some boys go to college and eventually succeed in getting out. Others go to college and never succeed in getting out. The latter are called professors.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “No matter how much a woman loved a man, it would still give her a glow to see him commit suicide for her.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “Not by accident, you may be sure, do the Christian Scriptures make the father of knowledge a serpent – slimy, sneaking and abominable.”
H. L. Mencken Quote: “When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before.”
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