Top 300 Jenny Lawson Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “They suggested that if you really want to hold a koala but can’t, just get a furry pillowcase and fill it with lightly used cat litter. Or tie a bunch of sedated raccoons together. Or maybe hold a dead koala.”

— Jenny Lawson

152. “Sometimes being crazy is a demon. And sometimes the demon is me. And.”

— Jenny Lawson

153. “They gave me drugs and told me to see a gallbladder specialist to make sure the stone had passed. I told them that hamsters can only blink one eye at a time. I considered this a fair trade but they billed my insurance company anyway.”

— Jenny Lawson

154. “In the dark you find yourself, all bones and exhaustion and helplessness. In the dark you find your basest self. In the dark you find the bottom of watery trenches the rest of the world only sees the surface of.”

— Jenny Lawson

155. “Every time I get a pimple I worry that it’s the beginning of a new nipple.”

— Jenny Lawson

156. “It is an amazing gift to be able to recognize that the things that make you the happiest are so much easier to grasp than you thought.”

— Jenny Lawson

157. “Except now I’m wondering if maybe Milk-Bones are really delicious and.”

— Jenny Lawson

158. “Last month, as Victor drove me home so I could rest, I told him that sometimes I felt like his life would be easier without me. He paused a moment in thought and then said, “It might be easier. But it wouldn’t be better.”

— Jenny Lawson

159. “I don’t understand your illness, but I know that the world is better with you in it.” In.”

— Jenny Lawson

160. “Cats act with their eyes. They are the small, silent film actors of their time, and they are vastly underrated.”

— Jenny Lawson

161. “If you put a bunch of chameleons on top of a bunch of chameleons on top of a bowl of Skittles what would happen? Is that science? Because if so, I finally get why people want to do science.”

— Jenny Lawson

162. “If you were crazy you wouldn’t realize how crazy it sounds,” she said gently but insistently. “You’re recognizing a problem and you’re getting help for it, the same way any sane person with a medical problem would.”

— Jenny Lawson

163. “There was no way to explain to this stranger how my mental illness had just gifted me with a magical moment. I realized it would have sounded a bit crazy, but that made sense. After all, I was a bit crazy. And I didn’t even have to pretend to be good at it. I was a damn natural.”

— Jenny Lawson

164. “This is why you should never mess with nonconfrontational people. Because they’re too unstable to second-guess. And because they’re totally the kind of people who could suddenly snap, and stab you in the face with a fork.”

— Jenny Lawson

165. “I always imagined that when I got pregnant it would be awesome and everything would go perfectly, and I’d pose for all those artfully naked, pregnant Demi Mooresque pictures and put them all over my house, and suddenly I’d have less cellulite, and then I’d go into labor while I was standing in line at the bank, but it would be okay because the baby would get stuck in my pants leg, so it totally wouldn’t slam into the floor. Thank God for skinny jeans with maternity panels; am I right?”

— Jenny Lawson

166. “How can we be expected to properly judge ourselves? We know all of our worst secrets. We are biased, and overly critical, and occasionally filled with shame. So you’ll have to just trust me when I say that you are worthy, important, and necessary. And smart. You may ask how I know and I’ll tell you how. It’s because right now? YOU’RE READING. That’s what the sexy people do.”

— Jenny Lawson

167. “Now, as an adult, I control it with medication and with shrink visits and with behavioral therapy. I control it by being painfully honest about just how crazy I am. I control it by allowing myself to hide in bathrooms and under tables during important events. And sometimes I control it by letting it control me, because I have no other choice. Sometimes.”

— Jenny Lawson

168. “Swans don’t eat people.”

— Jenny Lawson

169. “It was my job to accidentally make money, and his job to make sure I didn’t lose it while I was doing wobbly cartwheels in the parking lot after the bars closed.”

— Jenny Lawson

170. “Because money can’t buy the happiness of a good and understanding spouse.”

— Jenny Lawson

171. “There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well, but only one whose face I want to peel off and wear around my parlor. Lock thy door, Mrs. Lawson. – JANE AUSTEN.”

— Jenny Lawson

172. “Victor frowned and pointed out that most people don’t own entire pieces of furniture dedicated to weapons, and I began to suspect Victor was not actually from Texas.”

— Jenny Lawson

173. “I’m not overweight. I’m simply overgravitated. Spell-check.”

— Jenny Lawson

174. “Learning to combat boredom is a lesson in and of itself and it’s one you don’t have to drive your kid anywhere for them to learn.”

— Jenny Lawson

175. “When I’m blogging, I think book writing is easier and vice versa. Writing is lonely work, and the good thing about blogging is that you have immediate feedback from commenters.”

— Jenny Lawson

176. “That’s why you should never dust too much. Because dust is what holds the world together. The whole world is made up of it. Dust from the wind. Dust from dinosaur bones. Stardust.”

— Jenny Lawson

177. “My dad made me raise an orphaned possum when I was ten and every time I fed it, it hissed and glared at me like it wanted me to die in a fire. It was a very imaginative, bitey possum and also a total douche-canoe.”

— Jenny Lawson

178. “I wish for her to have love, and just enough heartbreak to appreciate it.”

— Jenny Lawson

179. “Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I’d be without it. I’d probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast.”

— Jenny Lawson

180. “I’ve struggled with many forms of mental illness since I was a kid, but clinical depression is a semiregular visitor and anxiety disorder is my long-term abusive boyfriend.”

— Jenny Lawson

181. “Those times are the hardest. When you can see yourself confined to your bed because you have no strength or will to leave, and then you find yourself yelling at someone you love because they want to help but they can’t. When you wake up in a gutter after trying to drink or smoke or dance away the ache, or the lack thereof. Those times when you are more demon than you are you.”

— Jenny Lawson

182. “I believe it was Sartre who said, “Hell is other people,” and I suspect he wrote that after spending an hour with overinvolved parents who won’t stop yelling at coaches, instructors, or crying four-year-olds who really just want a snow cone.”

— Jenny Lawson

183. “The lesson here is that sometimes you get brought in for an interview just to settle a bet.”

— Jenny Lawson

184. “Australia is really a lot like Texas if Texas were mad at you and drunk and maybe had a knife.”

— Jenny Lawson

185. “I have learned that every person in the world is on the spectrum of mental illness.”

— Jenny Lawson

186. “Even when everything’s going your way you can still be sad.”

— Jenny Lawson

187. “And if you think having a gas station is not that big of a deal, then you’re probably the kind of person who grew up in a town that has a gas station, and that doesn’t encourage students to drive to school in their tractors. Wall.”

— Jenny Lawson

188. “I’m not sure I have the words to describe that moment but if there’s a word that means the exact opposite of “ladylike”, that would be a good start.”

— Jenny Lawson

189. “I had always wanted to go on the Orient Express, but that I’d sort of consider it a wasted opportunity if a murder didn’t happen. It’s not that I’m particularly bloodthirsty, it’s just that I have standards.”

— Jenny Lawson

190. “There are few things in the world that make me angrier than poverty, the lack of basic human civil rights, and the fact that most women’s clothes don’t have pockets.”

— Jenny Lawson

191. “They’re important but we’re ignoring a lot of other parts that are probably just as compliment-worthy and sexy because we’re too busy complimenting firm pecs and thin waists and untarnished souls. Branch out a little, is all I’m saying. It couldn’t hurt. I bet your small intestines are adorable.”

— Jenny Lawson

192. “No. You said I looked “okay,” which is petty much the same thing as saying, “Well, at least your nipples are covered.”

— Jenny Lawson

193. “Then I realized I hurt too much to use Twitter and that’s when I knew I was dying.”

— Jenny Lawson

194. “And suddenly we realize that the things we were ashamed of are the same things everyone deals with at one time or another. We are so much less alone than we think.”

— Jenny Lawson

195. “Writing about my illness put me into places. It was very triggering. I had to completely remove myself and practice self-care. I learned to be patient.”

— Jenny Lawson

196. “I whispered to the girl next to me that I was very excited about having my first cheese tasting because I love cheese.”

— Jenny Lawson

197. “Nonetheless, there’s a reason that dust and life go together naturally. Sometimes it comes together in the most perfect way to make the very building blocks of life. Sometimes it sweeps in and makes everything seem hazy and dark. Sometimes it gets in my amaretto and then I have to pour a new glass, but mainly that’s cat’s fur, which is not really the same thing.”

— Jenny Lawson

198. “Because it was the first time in my life that I gave myself permission to be me. I was still shy and self-conscious and terrified of people, but Jenkins had essentially freed me of the bonds of having to try to fit in.”

— Jenny Lawson

199. “I can tell you that “Just cheer up” is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever. It’s pretty much the equivalent of telling someone who just had their legs amputated to “just walk it off.”

— Jenny Lawson

200. “Daddy leaned toward us and told us rather conspiratorially that this box held our newest pet. This is the same man who once brought home a baby bobcat, let it loose in the house, and forgot to mention it because he “didn’t think it was important,” so for him to be excited I assumed the box had to contain something truly amazing, like a two-headed lizard, or a baby chupacabra. He opened the box and whispered excitedly, “Come out and meet your new owners, Pickle.”

— Jenny Lawson