Top 300 Jenny Lawson Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “I don’t understand your illness, but I know that the world is better with you in it.” In.”

— Jenny Lawson

152. “Cats act with their eyes. They are the small, silent film actors of their time, and they are vastly underrated.”

— Jenny Lawson

153. “There was no way to explain to this stranger how my mental illness had just gifted me with a magical moment. I realized it would have sounded a bit crazy, but that made sense. After all, I was a bit crazy. And I didn’t even have to pretend to be good at it. I was a damn natural.”

— Jenny Lawson

154. “I always imagined that when I got pregnant it would be awesome and everything would go perfectly, and I’d pose for all those artfully naked, pregnant Demi Mooresque pictures and put them all over my house, and suddenly I’d have less cellulite, and then I’d go into labor while I was standing in line at the bank, but it would be okay because the baby would get stuck in my pants leg, so it totally wouldn’t slam into the floor. Thank God for skinny jeans with maternity panels; am I right?”

— Jenny Lawson

155. “Now, as an adult, I control it with medication and with shrink visits and with behavioral therapy. I control it by being painfully honest about just how crazy I am. I control it by allowing myself to hide in bathrooms and under tables during important events. And sometimes I control it by letting it control me, because I have no other choice. Sometimes.”

— Jenny Lawson

156. “Swans don’t eat people.”

— Jenny Lawson

157. “It was my job to accidentally make money, and his job to make sure I didn’t lose it while I was doing wobbly cartwheels in the parking lot after the bars closed.”

— Jenny Lawson

158. “Because money can’t buy the happiness of a good and understanding spouse.”

— Jenny Lawson

159. “There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well, but only one whose face I want to peel off and wear around my parlor. Lock thy door, Mrs. Lawson. – JANE AUSTEN.”

— Jenny Lawson

160. “Victor frowned and pointed out that most people don’t own entire pieces of furniture dedicated to weapons, and I began to suspect Victor was not actually from Texas.”

— Jenny Lawson

161. “I’m not overweight. I’m simply overgravitated. Spell-check.”

— Jenny Lawson

162. “Learning to combat boredom is a lesson in and of itself and it’s one you don’t have to drive your kid anywhere for them to learn.”

— Jenny Lawson

163. “When I’m blogging, I think book writing is easier and vice versa. Writing is lonely work, and the good thing about blogging is that you have immediate feedback from commenters.”

— Jenny Lawson

164. “My dad made me raise an orphaned possum when I was ten and every time I fed it, it hissed and glared at me like it wanted me to die in a fire. It was a very imaginative, bitey possum and also a total douche-canoe.”

— Jenny Lawson

165. “I wish for her to have love, and just enough heartbreak to appreciate it.”

— Jenny Lawson

166. “In the dark you find yourself, all bones and exhaustion and helplessness. In the dark you find your basest self. In the dark you find the bottom of watery trenches the rest of the world only sees the surface of.”

— Jenny Lawson

167. “Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I’d be without it. I’d probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast.”

— Jenny Lawson

168. “Some claim that depression can be “prayed away” or is caused when you don’t have enough God in your life. I tried God once but it didn’t work well so I cut the dose by a third.”

— Jenny Lawson

169. “I’ve struggled with many forms of mental illness since I was a kid, but clinical depression is a semiregular visitor and anxiety disorder is my long-term abusive boyfriend.”

— Jenny Lawson

170. “Those times are the hardest. When you can see yourself confined to your bed because you have no strength or will to leave, and then you find yourself yelling at someone you love because they want to help but they can’t. When you wake up in a gutter after trying to drink or smoke or dance away the ache, or the lack thereof. Those times when you are more demon than you are you.”

— Jenny Lawson

171. “I believe it was Sartre who said, “Hell is other people,” and I suspect he wrote that after spending an hour with overinvolved parents who won’t stop yelling at coaches, instructors, or crying four-year-olds who really just want a snow cone.”

— Jenny Lawson

172. “Australia is really a lot like Texas if Texas were mad at you and drunk and maybe had a knife.”

— Jenny Lawson

173. “I have learned that every person in the world is on the spectrum of mental illness.”

— Jenny Lawson

174. “If you put a bunch of chameleons on top of a bunch of chameleons on top of a bowl of Skittles what would happen? Is that science? Because if so, I finally get why people want to do science.”

— Jenny Lawson

175. “If you were crazy you wouldn’t realize how crazy it sounds,” she said gently but insistently. “You’re recognizing a problem and you’re getting help for it, the same way any sane person with a medical problem would.”

— Jenny Lawson

176. “Even when everything’s going your way you can still be sad.”

— Jenny Lawson

177. “And if you think having a gas station is not that big of a deal, then you’re probably the kind of person who grew up in a town that has a gas station, and that doesn’t encourage students to drive to school in their tractors. Wall.”

— Jenny Lawson

178. “This is why you should never mess with nonconfrontational people. Because they’re too unstable to second-guess. And because they’re totally the kind of people who could suddenly snap, and stab you in the face with a fork.”

— Jenny Lawson

179. “I’m not sure I have the words to describe that moment but if there’s a word that means the exact opposite of “ladylike”, that would be a good start.”

— Jenny Lawson

180. “How can we be expected to properly judge ourselves? We know all of our worst secrets. We are biased, and overly critical, and occasionally filled with shame. So you’ll have to just trust me when I say that you are worthy, important, and necessary. And smart. You may ask how I know and I’ll tell you how. It’s because right now? YOU’RE READING. That’s what the sexy people do.”

— Jenny Lawson

181. “They’re important but we’re ignoring a lot of other parts that are probably just as compliment-worthy and sexy because we’re too busy complimenting firm pecs and thin waists and untarnished souls. Branch out a little, is all I’m saying. It couldn’t hurt. I bet your small intestines are adorable.”

— Jenny Lawson

182. “No. You said I looked “okay,” which is petty much the same thing as saying, “Well, at least your nipples are covered.”

— Jenny Lawson

183. “Then I realized I hurt too much to use Twitter and that’s when I knew I was dying.”

— Jenny Lawson

184. “And suddenly we realize that the things we were ashamed of are the same things everyone deals with at one time or another. We are so much less alone than we think.”

— Jenny Lawson

185. “This is not too surprising considering that I collect neurological disorders like other people collect comic books. Basically I’ve become so talented at having disorders that I can literally have one in my sleep. Victor doesn’t think this is really something to brag about, but that’s probably because he doesn’t have any disorders and he’s jealous. Jesus. It’s not a competition, Victor.”

— Jenny Lawson

186. “Some days are good, and some days are bad, and some days are the days you get a dead dog in the mail. They can’t all be winners.”

— Jenny Lawson

187. “Writing about my illness put me into places. It was very triggering. I had to completely remove myself and practice self-care. I learned to be patient.”

— Jenny Lawson

188. “I whispered to the girl next to me that I was very excited about having my first cheese tasting because I love cheese.”

— Jenny Lawson

189. “Because it was the first time in my life that I gave myself permission to be me. I was still shy and self-conscious and terrified of people, but Jenkins had essentially freed me of the bonds of having to try to fit in.”

— Jenny Lawson

190. “I can tell you that “Just cheer up” is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever. It’s pretty much the equivalent of telling someone who just had their legs amputated to “just walk it off.”

— Jenny Lawson

191. “That’s why you should never dust too much. Because dust is what holds the world together. The whole world is made up of it. Dust from the wind. Dust from dinosaur bones. Stardust.”

— Jenny Lawson

192. “Daddy leaned toward us and told us rather conspiratorially that this box held our newest pet. This is the same man who once brought home a baby bobcat, let it loose in the house, and forgot to mention it because he “didn’t think it was important,” so for him to be excited I assumed the box had to contain something truly amazing, like a two-headed lizard, or a baby chupacabra. He opened the box and whispered excitedly, “Come out and meet your new owners, Pickle.”

— Jenny Lawson

193. “They gave me drugs and told me to see a gallbladder specialist to make sure the stone had passed. I told them that hamsters can only blink one eye at a time. I considered this a fair trade but they billed my insurance company anyway.”

— Jenny Lawson

194. “When I was a kid I never won anything and when I mentioned it to my mom she looked up from her book and pointed out that I had once been the youngest person in the entire world. Sure, it was only for a millisecond, but it was a record I’d set without even trying.”

— Jenny Lawson

195. “That’s the thing about my father. You never know when he’s hiding a giant surprise giraffe head from you.”

— Jenny Lawson

196. “So I’m standing there, holding a googly-eyed can of beans as it shakes and loudly farts the birthday song to me in a gas station.”

— Jenny Lawson

197. “Things like nuclear holocaust. Or carbon monoxide poisoning. Or having to leave the house and interact with people who weren’t my mother.”

— Jenny Lawson

198. “People who think it’s so hard to find a needle in a haystack are probably not quilters. Needles find you. Just walk on the haystack for a second. You’ll find the needle.”

— Jenny Lawson

199. “I rented sloths by the hour.”

— Jenny Lawson

200. “There’s something wonderful about experiencing life with friendly strangers and stranger-friends who all fit in your pocket. They celebrate your successes. They send you videos of hedgehogs in bathtubs when you are down. They tell you that you are not alone. And suddenly? You aren’t.”

— Jenny Lawson